Her idea

[coastalkid]

If the initial idea is promoted and encouraged by the wife, is it still acceptable for her to deny her husband the possibility of having sex outside the marriage? Almost all the time you read, "I (the wife) can have sex with anyone at anytime I choose but I would be crushed if my husband had sex with another woman." I've never understood how women can say this and not get the hypocrisy of their statement. If it takes a strong man to allow her to have an exciting sex life does this infer that she is weaker than her husband? I don't even get why she would be crushed. What does she think she would be risking that her husband isn't already risking himself?

Why is it an almost universal constant that husbands want their wives to have an exceptional sex life yet wives don't seem to share that feeling regarding their husbands sex life. Instead of offering more and better sex they substitute it with restrictions and denial thinking that will be desirable (or worse knowing full well that that's not what they want). I understand if she knows her husband has a shown a proven desire to be a cuckold then that's different. If it's not something the husband has shown interest in and he still wants a fulfilling sex life then where does that leave him other than leaving the marriage?

 

[Phun Times 727]

I can offer some insight on part of that, but only part as my situation was not presented/promoted by her, it was me. She has told me she would be turned on by watching me have sex with someone and has suggested I do so. I am not opposed to it happening someday but I really don't need for it to happen now. I feel like if the situation were right I would know when but it would have to really align. It is possible but not likely, at least currently. I am super picky. Its a wonder I ever found my wife. I have been blessed to have had a few amazing women in my life but I have always been willing to sit out vs compromise. for sex alone it seems I would be more willing to lower the bar but, no. While looks are important there is a list of other things (fit/in shape/sense of humor/smart/sense of self/ clean hygiene/shaved body hair........) that have to be there or it is a no go. I am a fussy SOB and I admit it.

 

[coastalkid]

I can offer some insight on part of that, but only part as my situation was not presented/promoted by her, it was me. She has told me she would be turned on by watching me have sex with someone and has suggested I do so. I am not opposed to it happening someday but I really don't need for it to happen now. I feel like if the situation were right I would know when but it would have to really align. It is possible but not likely, at least currently. I am super picky. Its a wonder I ever found my wife. I have been blessed to have had a few amazing women in my life but I have always been willing to sit out vs compromise. for sex alone it seems I would be more willing to lower the bar but, no. While looks are important there is a list of other things (fit/in shape/sense of humor/smart/sense of self/ clean hygiene/shaved body hair........) that have to be there or it is a no go. I am a fussy SOB and I admit it.

Thanks for your reply. I realize that you enjoy the the fetish of watching your wife and that presents a different dynamic. Setting that aside and just using your own observations do you notice that it is nearly ubiquitous that there isn't an explanation or acknowledgement of the disparity of sexual freedom? With so much emphasis on women's rights and equality I'm surprised that this is an exception to the rule. I'm curious to know what your thoughts are purely from an analytical viewpoint.

 

[Phun Times 727]

Thanks for your reply. I realize that you enjoy the the fetish of watching your wife and that presents a different dynamic. Setting that aside and just using your own observations do you notice that it is nearly ubiquitous that there isn't an explanation or acknowledgement of the disparity of sexual freedom? With so much emphasis on women's rights and equality I'm surprised that this is an exception to the rule. I'm curious to know what your thoughts are purely from an analytical viewpoint.

I agree it does seem to skew in one direction but that could simply be that we are on WWTP. There is likely a site out there for husbands, maybe. On here yes, it is far more hotwife than swingers. That could be partly attributed to hotwife being new and a growing trend where swinging has been around forever. As a couple we don't refer to things as hotwife because of the solo partner dynamic, this is mostly after hanging out with an actual hotwife who corrected us. Prior my wife was calling us swingers noting I had yet to start. I am not likely to start so we are not that either. In therapy we have struggled with defining it exactly. We also have not determined if it is confined to this one individual, is he the last or the first? My wife and I have talked about the hotwife option, she is good with our current situation and nothing beyond him. If he stepped in front of a bus we might be done with this. I say might because her hotwife friend does present ideas to us that are not outside the realm of consideration. We have talked about things we discovered there and who knows what the future holds but a couple of options could have a spark that could lead to a flame at some point.

 

[coastalkid]

I agree it does seem to skew in one direction but that could simply be that we are on WWTP. There is likely a site out there for husbands, maybe. On here yes, it is far more hotwife than swingers. That could be partly attributed to hotwife being new and a growing trend where swinging has been around forever. As a couple we don't refer to things as hotwife because of the solo partner dynamic, this is mostly after hanging out with an actual hotwife who corrected us. Prior my wife was calling us swingers noting I had yet to start. I am not likely to start so we are not that either. In therapy we have struggled with defining it exactly. We also have not determined if it is confined to this one individual, is he the last or the first? My wife and I have talked about the hotwife option, she is good with our current situation and nothing beyond him. If he stepped in front of a bus we might be done with this. I say might because her hotwife friend does present ideas to us that are not outside the realm of consideration. We have talked about things we discovered there and who knows what the future holds but a couple of options could have a spark that could lead to a flame at some point.

You have become one of my favorite people to correspond with. At first I thought you were just another one of those crazy husbands that go way over the top with their lifestyle (admittedly you are compared to me). I always like to refer to those types as couples whose "candle burns very bright but not for very long" as in, the relationship collapses under the weight of the chasing a kink. You've proven me wrong. You're very honest and very realistic in your answers and responses. I truly appreciate it because you've helped me sort out the unbelievable fantasy driven story tellers from the real people that actually live this lifestyle.

I've learned that I can ask you any question and expect an honest reply that doesn't simply dismiss my naivety. Thank you!

 

[Phun Times 727]

You have become one of my favorite people to correspond with. At first I thought you were just another one of those crazy husbands that go way over the top with their lifestyle (admittedly you are compared to me). I always like to refer to those types as couples whose "candle burns very bright but not for very long" as in, the relationship collapses under the weight of the chasing a kink. You've proven me wrong. You're very honest and very realistic in your answers and responses. I truly appreciate it because you've helped me sort out the unbelievable fantasy driven story tellers from the real people that actually live this lifestyle.

I've learned that I can ask you any question and expect an honest reply that doesn't simply dismiss my naivety. Thank you!

I may not be super accomplished in this lifestyle but I can relate the little bit we have done. I think it is important to let people understand that life happens around fantasy and emotions run high. It is easy to just go wild but you have to be able to live with yourself and your spouse going forward and have to be able to relate what happened and decide what makes sense to continue or avoid. It would be easy to be the sad clown at the circus.

 

[dickhurtz]

i have a, different, take on this. as a qualifier, i was not allowed to be with other women. also, i had no interest in watching my wife with another man. it wouldn't be allowed, even if i was interested.

ok, my take; my wife was insecure, & lacked self-esteem, for reasons i do not know. i don't know if it was body issues, daddy issues or anything other than those.

fucking other guys, apparently, boosted her ego. it let her think she was desirable & acceptable to other men.

me being with another woman would negate those feeling & sent her back to her insecurities & self doubt. a vicious cycle.

i'm sure someone, smarter than I, could articulate this more thoroughly than i...

 

[coastalkid]

i have a, different, take on this. as a qualifier, i was not allowed to be with other women. also, i had no interest in watching my wife with another man. it wouldn't be allowed, even if i was interested.

ok, my take; my wife was insecure, & lacked self-esteem, for reasons i do not know. i don't know if it was body issues, daddy issues or anything other than those.

fucking other guys, apparently, boosted her ego. it let he think she was desirable & acceptable to other men.

me being with another woman would negate those feeling & sent her back to her insecurities & self doubt. a vicious cycle.

i'm sure someone, smarter than I, could articulate this more thoroughly than i...

Was it your wife's idea or yours initially?

I've read many times here how a reluctant wife had 180 degree turn around with their confidence. I can understand why it would be a boost to their ego. It is amazing how wives can shed all their insecurities and inadequate self perceptions, it's as if they had an epiphany and realized they were totally wrong about all the things they previously thought. I also get your point on how allowing you to have sex with another woman could raise doubts about how she may perceive that as a sort of rejection to her desirability from her spouse. This makes total sense for a wife that had/has expressed insecurities and doubts her self esteem.

Is it fun to witness her confidence? Has it benefited you also?

 

[dickhurtz]

Was it your wife's idea or yours initially?

I've read many times here how a reluctant wife had 180 degree turn around with their confidence. I can understand why it would be a boost to their ego. It is amazing how wives can shed all their insecurities and inadequate self perceptions, it's as if they had an epiphany and realized they were totally wrong about all the things they previously thought. I also get your point on how allowing you to have sex with another woman could raise doubts about how she may perceive that as a sort of rejection to her desirability from her spouse. This makes total sense for a wife that had/has expressed insecurities and doubts her self esteem.

Is it fun to witness her confidence? Has it benefited you also?

originally, i was my idea. back in the late 60s, i gave her the ok to play with one of my work buddies. i never knew until several years later that never happened.

then, early 80s we were separated for a while. she decided to take that opportunity to spread her wings, among other things, & have some fun.

most of her playmates were current, & former, co-workers.

after she retired, the chances to play diminished. i, then, started finding, & vetting, guys for her to play with. that continued until health issues took over, & she passed at age 73, about a month before she turned 74.

 

[SmallHubbyTexas]

I would think this being her idea would be rare. I can easily see if the girl brings up the fact she wants to ...... with other men, I would see that was a sign the relationship is over. It is just a matter of time.

With the man telling the woman to ...... with another man, it is different. She has the permission and he is ok with it.

It was my idea, I knew my wife has inexperienced when she met me. Every time I made her orgasm, I had to use my fingers. I wanted her to have great sex. She did tell me after that first time she only did it because I asked. After that she wanted to continue. He had made her cum multiple times with just his cock in her.

 

[coastalkid]

I would think this being her idea would be rare. I can easily see if the girl brings up the fact she wants to ...... with other men, I would see that was a sign the relationship is over. It is just a matter of time.

With the man telling the woman to ...... with another man, it is different. She has the permission and he is ok with it.

It was my idea, I knew my wife has inexperienced when she met me. Every time I made her orgasm, I had to use my fingers. I wanted her to have great sex. She did tell me after that first time she only did it because I asked. After that she wanted to continue. He had made her cum multiple times with just his cock in her.

Thanks for your reply. I've always appreciated your honesty and your thoughtful posts. From your perspective it seems that if the idea is initiated by the wife it is a sign that the relationship is over. Why wouldn't a wife have those same feelings if a husband promoted the same idea?

I understand your reasoning for initiating the change in lifestyle and from our conversations you seem very satisfied. Just for arguments sake, if your wife had been the one to approach it would you be where you are now?

 

[joboo6]

Mine was hesitant as well but she was eager to continue once he was finished with her. She was secure in the fact that she had no worries about it getting out. She and I were going to the mountains the following weekend and as she began to finish me she was immediately saying he should go with us and he did.

 

[SmallHubbyTexas]

Thanks for your reply. I've always appreciated your honesty and your thoughtful posts. From your perspective it seems that if the idea is initiated by the wife it is a sign that the relationship is over. Why wouldn't a wife have those same feelings if a husband promoted the same idea?

Mine did at first. She thought I was done with her and I wanted to ...... with other women. I had told her I didn’t but she didn’t think that at first.

I understand your reasoning for initiating the change in lifestyle and from our conversations you seem very satisfied. Just for arguments sake, if your wife had been the one to approach it would you be where you are now?

It’s hard to say, hindsight is 20/20. Have I fantasized about her ...... with my roommate form when we were dating? Yes. Have I fantasized about her going to the apartment pool and meeting two men and going back to their apartment afterward, yes. I have even fantasized about on our wedding night, all the groomsmen taking turns with her.

So now I would have said yes go for it. But honestly if it would have been her idea I probably would have been hurt.

 

[Wannabecuck895]

If the initial idea is promoted and encouraged by the wife, is it still acceptable for her to deny her husband the possibility of having sex outside the marriage? Almost all the time you read, "I (the wife) can have sex with anyone at anytime I choose but I would be crushed if my husband had sex with another woman." I've never understood how women can say this and not get the hypocrisy of their statement. If it takes a strong man to allow her to have an exciting sex life does this infer that she is weaker than her husband? I don't even get why she would be crushed. What does she think she would be risking that her husband isn't already risking himself?

Why is it an almost universal constant that husbands want their wives to have an exceptional sex life yet wives don't seem to share that feeling regarding their husbands sex life. Instead of offering more and better sex they substitute it with restrictions and denial thinking that will be desirable (or worse knowing full well that that's not what they want). I understand if she knows her husband has a shown a proven desire to be a cuckold then that's different. If it's not something the husband has shown interest in and he still wants a fulfilling sex life then where does that leave him other than leaving the marriage?

Tell my wife that

 

[coastalkid]

Tell my wife that

Sounds like things haven't turned out the way you would have liked.

 

[Catholic_Wife]

If the initial idea is promoted and encouraged by the wife, is it still acceptable for her to deny her husband the possibility of having sex outside the marriage? Almost all the time you read, "I (the wife) can have sex with anyone at anytime I choose but I would be crushed if my husband had sex with another woman." I've never understood how women can say this and not get the hypocrisy of their statement. If it takes a strong man to allow her to have an exciting sex life does this infer that she is weaker than her husband? I don't even get why she would be crushed. What does she think she would be risking that her husband isn't already risking himself?

Why is it an almost universal constant that husbands want their wives to have an exceptional sex life yet wives don't seem to share that feeling regarding their husbands sex life. Instead of offering more and better sex they substitute it with restrictions and denial thinking that will be desirable (or worse knowing full well that that's not what they want). I understand if she knows her husband has a shown a proven desire to be a cuckold then that's different. If it's not something the husband has shown interest in and he still wants a fulfilling sex life then where does that leave him other than leaving the marriage?

Despite that step in this lifestyle wasn't exactly her idea (it was ours as an aftermath from some desires and infidelities) we/she never blocked me to see and try to have some extra pleasure with other women by myself. And I agree with you, that would be a hypocrisy.

We started it out seeing other couples so I had the chance to know and have pleasure with those different spouses, too. Although I must admit that very soon our game was gearing itself to a hotwife thing. We are satisfied with her being shared.

Here's what we (could say from a couple's perspective and experience) frequently see meeting other LS people around: extreme porn-like cases of cuckoldry are mostly fantasies - great verbal fantasies, which serve well to lit things up but they rarely materialize; men who are really subjugated and dominated are into this not because their wives, but because of their own idiosyncrasies (likes, baggage, mental stuff) so they crave this placement even more than their wives do; yes, we met women who indulged the hotwife-LS just because they aren't really into their husbands anymore. And some of those husbands kinda made their own minds or paved a way into this fetish. They played along.

With all due respect, I am not saying it is or was the case of any of the friends here. Neither implying what's wrong or bad.

And I surely have my own mental baggage too. lol

 

[coastalkid]

originally, i was my idea. back in the late 60s, i gave her the ok to play with one of my work buddies. i never knew until several years later that never happened.

then, early 80s we were separated for a while. she decided to take that opportunity to spread her wings, among other things, & have some fun.

most of her playmates were current, & former, co-workers.

after she retired, the chances to play diminished. i, then, started finding, & vetting, guys for her to play with. that continued until health issues took over, & she passed at age 73, about a month before she turned 74.

You sound like you were married a long time. Sorry about the passing of your wife, sincerely! My wife and I have been together a long time and like most couples that experience that many years together there are good and bad ones. Even though I wish our sex life was better, I can't imagine life without her. My heart goes out to you!

 

[Wannabecuck895]

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had fun.

 

[coastalkid]

Despite that step in this lifestyle wasn't exactly her idea (it was ours as an aftermath from some desires and infidelities) we/she never blocked me to see and try to have some extra pleasure with other women by myself. And I agree with you, that would be a hypocrisy.

We started it out seeing other couples so I had the chance to know and have pleasure with those different spouses, too. Although I must admit that very soon our game was gearing itself to a hotwife thing. We are satisfied with her being shared.

Here's what we (could say from a couple's perspective and experience) frequently see meeting other LS people around: extreme porn-like cases of cuckoldry are mostly fantasies - great verbal fantasies, which serve well to lit things up but they rarely materialize; men who are really subjugated and dominated are into this not because their wives, but because of their own idiosyncrasies (likes, baggage, mental stuff) so they crave this placement even more than their wives do; yes, we met women who indulged the hotwife-LS just because they aren't really into their husbands anymore. And some of those husbands kinda made their own minds or paved a way into this fetish. They played along.

With all due respect, I am not saying it is or was the case of any of the friends here. Neither implying what's wrong or bad.

And I surely have my own mental baggage too. lol

I'm with you! I don't want to imply what is good or bad. I'm trying my best to respectfully ask questions to understand things better. To make sense of things a person normally applies conventional wisdom. I've discovered there are many inconsistencies to conventional wisdom in the hot wife/cuckold world. The most glaring example is the wife is free to have sex with others and the husband is not. That's accepted here as the norm.

You are the third person (or couple) that has recently said their wife thinks it's only right and fair for her husband to seek out their own experience with other women. You and the two others stand out in stark contrast to very different trend. In light of what you said about the "fantasy driven" versions that never materialize, maybe that skews the norm here falsely in favor of the fantasy and not the reality.

I completely agree with you about the guys that actually do any of the extreme stuff. They do it because they want to. They have some kind of different self perception and set of personal experiences that lead them to the extremes. For whatever reason, they are more willing than tortured. I believe these extreme relationships are statistical outliers.

Did your wife come right out and say you should find another woman to have your own similar experience? It has to be an amazing point in a hot wife's life that she wants her husband to experience something similar to what she's enjoying. I would guess that it puts everything in balance and de-emphasizes control. How did your first time of being with a woman besides your wife go?

 

[dickhurtz]

You sound like you were married a long time. Sorry about the passing of your wife, sincerely! My wife and I have been together a long time and like most couples that experience that many years together there are good and bad ones. Even though I wish our sex life was better, I can't imagine life without her. My heart goes out to you!

thank you. we met when i was 16 & she was 15. we lived in the same neighbor hood, but went to different schools, but we had mutual friends.

at that time, i had a GF & she had a BF. before senior year, they moved to a different city, 70 miles away. after she graduated, she moved back to take a job where he, older, sister worked. one night, she called me. as they say, the rest is history.