Her idea

[Phun Times 727]

Your wife still seems reluctantly convinced that your big thrill is getting off on watching her. For some reason she doesn't fully understand what you really get out of it in a way that she's convinced of. Otherwise, she'd never ask or bring it up. She naturally offered up a situation that made sense to her in terms of some kind of equity.

I always wonder if wives that have been playing for long enough to truly still feel secure in their marriage, relaxed enough to truly enjoy the experience, and had numerous satisfying experiences, eventually relax their own attitude about the way they practice their lifestyle. Like do some eventually learn that their jealousy isn't really there in light of everything she's done? Or, do they reverse the compersion and want to see something cool happen for their husband. Maybe she could feel better about what she's obviously enjoying, and encouraged for more if she didn't have a nagging feeling about needing evidence of her husband's satisfaction and happiness? There seems like a multitude of changes that could come with becoming experienced.

It seems like over time things will evolve, so it makes sense that attitudes and behaviors will to. Otherwise it would become another routine that would lose its appeal.

You are on to something. For instance if we play around with toys and are done is when she asks if I am OK with it just being done even though I didn't do anything and the answer is yes, most of the time. She doesn't realize it but she does do the same occasionally. If I wake up in a shitty mood she has been known to drag me back to bed, blow me and then tell me to restart a better day. She got nothing other than me being more enjoyable to be around but sexually she got nothing, I didn't touch her. For the record this is a somewhat rare but cherished opportunity.

I can only speak from my experience but I can tell you that we went from being like nervous teenagers in our MFM to months later where there was no real newness or nerves, we knew what was going to happen and fell into our respective roles in the same way a couple meets and starts dating and getting intimate, it becomes less of an anxious situation, you have seen them nude, you have seen what happens, you've bumped into each other, people have farted by accident, more attention has been spent in one direction or the other and been corrected. It doesn't stay new forever.

I think anything repeated over time gets to be more regular. I have friends that are cops that see the worst stuff daily, eventually its just another day.

As far as reversing so the hubby gets something cool, I think I am getting something very cool already.

 

[coastalkid]

As far as reversing so the hubby gets something cool, I think I am getting something very cool already.

I know I'm not expressing this correctly. You say you've got what you want and that's enough. As you say you're already getting something cool. I'm suggesting that your wife accepts that but still doesn't understand what you're "really" getting out of it. To her it appears that you're a spectator and you're not getting the physical thrill she's getting. To her the two don't equate. So, while she accepts your motive it still doesn't make sense to her. That's why she offered something that was obvious to her, something that did make sense to her.

All of this is speculation on my part and I like to think we're friends so I'm just brainstorming, nothing more. I do know that if she is willing to try things with/for you wouldn't it be wise to just try those things and check a few of your bucket list. If you truly in your heart of hearts have no desire for more than what you have now then you might not be doing a good enough job to convince your wife enough to assuage her self perception of being too one-sided.

This is just my opinion but I think you should try as many things as you're interested in while you can and the opportunity is there. I have serious regrets about the things I missed the opportunity to at least try!

 

[Phun Times 727]

I know I'm not expressing this correctly. You say you've got what you want and that's enough. As you say you're already getting something cool. I'm suggesting that your wife accepts that but still doesn't understand what you're "really" getting out of it. To her it appears that you're a spectator and you're not getting the physical thrill she's getting. To her the two don't equate. So, while she accepts your motive it still doesn't make sense to her. That's why she offered something that was obvious to her, something that did make sense to her.

All of this is speculation on my part and I like to think we're friends so I'm just brainstorming, nothing more. I do know that if she is willing to try things with/for you wouldn't it be wise to just try those things and check a few of your bucket list. If you truly in your heart of hearts have no desire for more than what you have now then you might not be doing a good enough job to convince your wife enough to assuage her self perception of being too one-sided.

This is just my opinion but I think you should try as many things as you're interested in while you can and the opportunity is there. I have serious regrets about the things I missed the opportunity to at least try!

You are on the right track in that she gets that I am good (sometimes) as a spectator but it doesn't truly make sense to her, and that might be that she is a woman and I am a man and as men we are more visual. I do try to maintain open communication so she knows how I feel about things and part of that is me reassuring her that in the times I choose to watch it is exactly that, a choice.

As far as a bucket list, we both have them. We decide as a couple where they overlap and if we not only have the same item but if we truly want to pursue it. In some cases it isn't exactly a clear item like incorporate a midget (not an actual goal!) but rather a facet like allow her to explore more with her hotwife friend. This is more of a loosely defined bucket list item but an actual item on both lists and one we have been cautiously unpacking.

You bring up an interesting dynamic of her take on it all. It has taken some long talks to get beyond the transactional aspect of one for one type thing. Best example I offer to her is the Superbowl party. Some people play football, some like to watch and others are just there for the commercials while others the festivity, it could be baseball or hockey but the party happens either way. We are all having fun being a part of it regardless of our role.

 

[toolman2c]

I may not be super accomplished in this lifestyle but I can relate the little bit we have done. I think it is important to let people understand that life happens around fantasy and emotions run high. It is easy to just go wild but you have to be able to live with yourself and your spouse going forward and have to be able to relate what happened and decide what makes sense to continue or avoid. It would be easy to be the sad clown at the circus.

As i learn more about you, im joining coastalkid and value your postings..TY for all you share here.

 

[Phun Times 727]

As i learn more about you, im joining coastalkid and value your postings..TY for all you share here.

Thanks for that, follow me at your own discretion , I have no idea what I am doing lol