Wife wants to fuck someone else, need advice

So just an update, I found out today that she is going down there for 5 days instead of the 4 she originally told me. I know if I bring it up she will say she told me 4 nights, not 4 days. She just started a new job so she has very little vacation time. Is it me or is this starting to get out of hand? Using her limited vacation time with him instead of me is a hard pill to swallow. I’m still keeping an open mind but it’s getting more difficult to dissuade my fears with the cuckold fantasy only.
 
My first thoughts on this thread were...what is the rut about and why can't it be fixed.

My other thoughts are that I don't see anything wrong with what your wife is doing. She could have gone down there without telling you and cheating on you. Sort of like on a girls break/retreat for a few days purportedly with a girlfriend or two. But she didn't. She brought it up to you in order to spice up your marriage and sex life. I definitely believe she's been bird dogging your browser history. Good for her....she found out what you like. Be a good cuck.

I don't even see a problem with her deleting some texts. What if she was overly sexy and flirtatious with him, and was embarrassed to let you see them. So what? Even if she was lining up this visit with him before asking you, she still could have cancelled if you were too uncomfortable. What if those texts showed that she's already been cucking you with him. So what again. Lots of men (myself included) have found a pathway to cuckolding through cheating. I'd only be upset if she was disparaging you in some way, but there is no reason to think she'd do that.

I'm wondering how the marriage is overall. Do you still love each other? I don't think she'd give up a safe and secure relationship and run off with him or anyone else now, even if the other guy was willing. Remember, she had him before and dropped him and the open relationship to marry you. I repeat, women do not leave secure marriages. She's just looking for fun and wants you included, along the lines of what turns on cuckold men like us.

But I am bothered by the long getaway with only those limited number of vacation days available. She should spend them with you. Four overnights with this guy while you two are finding your way in this lifestyle is not recommended. That is varsity level cuckolding. I think it's smart to start slower. Why can't she see him when he comes up from Florida to see his kids? It could be a regular thing too.

I'd make sure she knows that you value her and your marriage and while this seems like fun, and you are wired for it, you don't want it to end up hurting your relationship.
 
Hello, I’m looking for some advice. Sorry if this is a little long winded but believe me, I left quite a bit out to shorten it up.

So about a week ago, my wife told me that we have to talk about something important. I got that nervous pit in my stomach and we sat down to discuss. She told me me that she has been unhappy lately in our marriage and she knows I’ve been unhappy too with the current state of affairs and our sex life. She accepted guilt for this and said “I need to start doing things for myself to make me happy and improve us”. She mentioned how she started a diet a few months ago and has lost weight and as a result she has been feeling more confident and sexual. Some background, prior to this we were in a rut and I hadn’t noticed an increased sexual appetite from her. In fact prior to this discussion we hadn’t had sex in 3 weeks. The times we did have sex, it seemed like more of a chore for her than pleasure. Sex was obligatory to her. She then proceeded and asked me how I would feel about giving her a hall pass for her to take a trip to Florida in June for 4 days and get a hotel with a guy she had sex with previously when we were in an open relationship back about 4 years ago. To give you some background, we have been married for three years and we were a little wild before then. The open relationship lasted for about 6 months and stopped at her request before we got married. The open relationship was her idea, she is naturally very sexual and had experience with the swinger lifestyle prior to meeting me, that world was completely new to me prior to meeting her.

Moving on with the conversation that night, I asked her “so you want to go back to having an open relationship” and she responded “well no, this would be for me only”. As you can imagine, I was completely floored. Within a split second I was flooded with a tidal wave of emotions that crested over me. I was speechless for a several minutes. The range of emotions I was feeling were fear, excitement, extreme sexual desire, anger, resentment, extreme sexual desire, sadness, self loathing, and did I mention extreme sexual desire? As you might have guessed, I was secretly very interested in cuckolding as my porn search history would tell you.

Well I tried to hide my emotions and I asked her if this would be a one time thing and she responded that she plans to fuck this guy “once or twice a year” and in the same breath said this would very much benefit me as well. I told her I didn’t understand why she should be allowed to do this but I can’t fuck other women, I think I said that to hide my secret desire to be a cuckold. She replied “it would be different for you because you still have the desire to fuck all the time”. She then confessed that she doesn’t have that same desire to fuck all the time and this would increase her sexual desire with me. Then she looked over and saw my cock was hard and I was touching myself so she knew she had me right then and there. She proceeded to hop on top of me and we had incredible sex. It was the most passionate sex we’ve had since the open relationship. So right then and there I knew this was going to happen but I didn’t give her my decision right away, I wanted to drag it out and enjoy this for a few more days. I knew she was playing me and I took full advantage of that.

We continued to have great sex for two days, more than we had in the previous 3 months combined. We had sex 3 times in less than 24 hours after that conversation, twice that night. After the 3rd day I felt bad for dragging this out and I told her I would allow this under one condition. In order for me to get the most out of this arrangement I needed her to be in complete control. I didn’t want a hotwife arrangement, the cuckold fantasy is much more appealing to me. I told her that I would no longer have a say in what she does. She needed to be driving the car and making the decisions on what she can and cannot do, and also what I am allowed to do and not do as well. I also told her that she has the proverbial keys to our marriage and warned her that by having this complete control, she will responsible for the fate of our marriage and whats to come of it if this turns out badly. Basically with great power comes great responsibility. I was surprised that she accepted this so readily, almost without thought. Needless to say, she was very happy I “allowed” this even though I thought to myself that I have no other choice. It’s either this or divorce. We both had failed first marriages so I don’t want to see this one end in a divorce.

So my only reservations with this is the fact that the guy she is going down there to fuck has money and made reservations for 4 days at a 5 star hotel. I looked up the rates and they are $450 a night! I can only imagine what’s gonna go down in appreciation for this. I pay ...... support for two kids to my ex wife every month and don’t have expendable money like that to throw around. I’m a wreck thinking about her staying at this stupid nice hotel with this guy for four days on a romantic weekend getting fucked and sucking his cock every which way till Sunday. She is getting a Brazilian wax on her pussy for him. She’s never done that before, this is her first time. She said I would enjoy it as well. Typical cuckold angst, good feelings mixed with bad. The whole “she might leave me for him” concerns filter through no matter how much I try to tell myself that would never happen. This guy also has family in our state and comes up from Florida about once a month so I’m imagining that she will take full advantage of his visits when he is in town. How much she actually tells me about will be interesting to see. But that comes with the territory I guess with this lifestyle so I will have to learn to cope with my emotions.

I think I’m ready for what’s to come and I’m excited to give this a try but I’m hung up on the circumstances leading up to this. The lack of sexual desire towards me prior to this arrangement and the fact that she said she’s doing this to benefit us concerns me. From everything I have read, couples should only embark on this journey if their relationship and sex life is healthy prior to doing this. It should not be a fix for a relationship. I keep thinking about her main argument for doing this, having sex with this other guy she will lead to her being more sexual towards me and we will have more and better sex as a result. I want to believe it, I really do, but I’m having trouble believing it. What I truly think will happen is that it will be hot in the weeks leading up to her leaving and the weeks after but it will soon fizzle out and we will go back to the unsatisfying sex we have been having previously. She will need to fuck this other guy more and more often to make her happy. He will become her source of happiness and sexual gratification and crave that more and more. I will become less and less important once I will eventually become adjusted and less emotionally attached to the situation so she doesn’t won’t have to worry about making me happy anymore, before or after the act.

I’m also having trouble processing the fact that her maiden voyage in this new arrangement is a 4 day romantic weekend at a 5 star hotel The kicker is that they were making arrangements to do this prior to her discussing this with me. In fact, they even had the hotel picked out and reserved a room. She first said she was going to Florida as a personal time out and escape to find herself type of trip, kind of a Stella got her grove back vacation. I found out their plans because she let me read their texts (after I asked and she consented). The texts only went back a week before we had the discussion, she deleted everything previous to that so I don’t know how long they have been texting and sexting each other about this while I was in the dark. I’m irritated by that but I have fantasized about being a cuckold for the past few years and this is my one and only shot I’ll ever have to realize it. I want this but at the same time it’s hard for me to rationalize and mitigate my concerns about the circumstances leading up to this and her doing this behind my back. After she let me read her texts she said she wouldn’t have done anything without telling me and I want to believe her but the fact that she was in communication with him for god knows how long, making plans for the weekend and saying she can’t wait to see him with a kissy emoji taints my trust. I of course have the thoughts that she will eventually leave me for him but I realize that comes with the cuckold territory and time and trust will most likely build my confidence that this won’t happen, hopefully.

Cuckolding is a true dichotomy of feelings and emotions. The thought of her talking to this guy and making plans behind my back incenses me but at the same time it turns me on. Her using her pussy to get what she wanted from me that night and the following days bothers me as well but also turns me on. In a way, this is the ultimate cuckold situation though. There’s no pretending she has the power, she really does have it. I didn’t have to talk to her about this secret desire I had, and try to convince her, she brought it to me. I honestly don’t know how this will end out but I’m willing to put my concerns aside, try to be the best cuckold I can be and let the chips fall where they may. Any advice for this newbie?
nothing better than the look in the eyes of another man's wife worshipping my cock
 
bluemax - Thank you for your insights and words of wisdom. You give me hope. The rut was about stale sex, her low self esteem and I think lack of respect for me. “Allowing” her to do this, or more accurately being cool about it may earn that back. I had a discussion with her last night about her taking her limited vacation time to be with him instead of me and going on this trip for 5 days. Nothing really got hashed out. She’s going no matter what. I can’t stop her.
 
One other piece of information I didn’t include in the previous posts, this guy was the reason she wanted to do the open relationship thing before we got married. We were not in a rut then. The open relationship was working great for me before she ended it. I was fucking a girl once a week and we were close, i little too close for her liking which is probably why she doesn’t want me to play this time.
 
Ok so with the new information it shows she likes this guy and they have good sex but she ended it with him because SHE was uncomfortable with your burgeoning relationship with the woman you had. It's not cuck-like of you to have a side woman so your kink must have developed after this. Anyway, back then your wife was ...... to continue with her bf and let you continue with your friend. Since then she's seen the websites you frequent and sees how to handle you, which is why she now changed the rules to it's ok for her but not for you.

Another thing, you say she likes being abused and demeaned. That doesn't fit with the dominant talk she tried on you. I don't think people can their desires. You either like being dominant or you like being dominated. Has she shown a dominate propensity in the past? With her having self esteem issues that too doesn't fit with being dominant. I think she's doing this dominant play as an "act" to propel your cuckold fetish. It sure worked too!

So bottom line I think she needs the kind of sex the bf can deliver, but only sometimes, that most guys like us can't. I think those desires she has are satiated with an occasional meet up. I don't think it's something she wants all the time. The loving sex from you is what she needs more of, spiced up with her escapade stories that she now sees makes you more of a tiger in bed.

I'm sure there are tons of cuckold angst your dealing with now which is fun, if you can make it fun. I don't think your relationship is in trouble and I think this is her way of pulling you both out of a rut which one of you had to do. You haven't been acting much like a cuck. You told her to be in charge only as a backstop to blame her if this blows up your marriage. You should have told her how turned on you are by the whole thing and to go and have fund and share it with you when she got back. Send her off feeling happy and sexy while knowing she has a loving husband at home who is excitedly waiting for her return. Have her make a list of tasks she wants done around the house while she's gone which will keep you busy and make her happy. Keep talking about her trip often and especially when you have sex, and have more of it from now until she leaves. She's trying to put some life back into your marriage so help her.

I think if you take this high road attitude it'll be fun and you'll have a much better chance of making your marriage better. If it goes south you'll have tried it her way and you'll have no reason to blame yourself for any of it.
 
Very wise insight, thank you. I have since calmed down and been more accepting of it. I’m on a business trip this week and she sent me a video of her with a vibrator. She hasn’t done that in a very long time, probably not since we were first dating. She told me that she sent the video to her bf also and let him pick out the toy he wanted her to use. I’m thinking about giving her abstinence a few days prior to her leaving as my going away present. She said that might not be a good idea because she would probably explode on the plane ride. So it’s getting better and better the more I accept the fact that I can’t give her what she needs sexually and she will always want this other mans cock inside of her.
 
Even with everything you've told us, I was never convinced this woman wanted to leave her marriage. By becoming more accepting you've probably secured your position. I envy the situation you find yourself in, a lot of fun angst! Please keep us informed.
 
This thread.... You either accept this or you dont. If you dont... Man up.. Otherwise sit back and enjoy
 
She’s doing it with or without my permission. It’s not even up for discussion. Tried to talk to her last night when I got back from my business trip in Minnesota. Every concern I had that we discussed (i.e. why won’t she suck my cock but she will suck this guys cock dry the minute she gets in his car when he picks her up from the the airport) she was smart to not let him come into the conversation and made it about me and not making it clear that I enjoy her sucking my cock. That’s some high level ...... right there.
 
Me: “Honey, I love when you suck my cock but you never want to when I ask you to”...

Wife: “Well you never tell me how much you like it and express to me how much you like it”
 
Ok... so you have the intell down and know what chips are on the table. Is the payoff worth the investment? Is this what you really want? If it was me, I'd be talking with her firmly and not trashing her here with all the KGB jargon. I'm a cuckold who STILL has a say in this all or I walk free and clear and start over. Disrespect was NEVER part of the lifestyle unless I missed that info somehow. It sounds to me like you really want to be the helpless cuck who is getting a full dose of her form of cuckoldress. Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different outcome...right? Get yourself together and TALK about this drama issue. Take it as YOU want or leave it all behind... my 2 cents. (wink)
 
We’ve been talking about the drama issue. Before it was was something still on the table. When we talk about it now though I don’t have an option. She said it herself to me one time recently, “this isn’t open for discussion, I need this.”
 
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@Stedal01 I think the reality is that this is what you want. I cannot seem to reconcile the fact that on the one hand you seem to be upset and angry and complaining but on the other hand, you seem to not be able to wait for this 5 day fuckfest when your wife becomes a nasty cumslut for someone else... Again, nothing wrong with either way, but you need to decide where you stand. Cant have it both ways.

Option 1 - You dont like this and you need to end ...... with your wife and find someone else.

Option 2 - Stop complaining and start embracing... I know I speak for everyone here when I say that we are waiting for you to share some pictures of your hot wife... If you want to be a cuck, then be a cuck....
 
" You really need to think through your fantasy. Because jealousy is only one of many conflicting emotions you will experience. Will run the gamut...and you'll be unable to control them ... from excitement to scared to regret to anxiety back to excitement to angst to jealousy. I've always, including today, experienced the emotions I described. But for me - and probably guys like me - the plethora of emotions is what makes it exciting and satisfying."

The above post, written on another thread, seems to apply to you. Since you admit you can't stop it, and that too is driving the excitement and angst, you might as well go with the flow. I still say she's doing this because of the rut and she needs this and so do you. So make this fun for her, and you. You seem to be acting insolent which is surely making it worse for both of you. As tough as it may be at times, bury your scared feelings and make this be fun. You have no choice anyway. I will admit that I sense your angst, and excitement. You are being driven to extreme levels of worry along with the excitement. Come to this thread more often and tell us of your emotions and what you're going through. You obviously can't talk to your friends so we are your only outlet. Let us help you.

You think you have no choice but really you do. I'm sure if you told your wife "I can't sit still while you go and do this. I know it sounds fun but my emotions can't take it. I'm too scared that this will ruin us because you'll want him more than me. Let's find another way to spice up our marriage." I'm telling you again she'd stop if you insisted, yet you don't want her to stop. You want her to go. The excitement is too great. I've been through what you're experiencing and the only way to get through it is to make it erotic. Otherwise it will eat you alive. PM me if you want to talk about it.

As for the cock sucking, it's best not to ever ask your wife to do that. Women, for some reason, like it only if it's her idea. Your wife will do it with this other guy because she's in another zone with him, maybe he forces her and she likes that. She doesn't want it to be like that with you. She never wants you to demean her by pushing for it. She wants warm and caring love from you, and she doesn't want to imagine you in any other way. He's her wild zone and you're her safe zone.

I will say it again...women do not leave happy and secure marriages. You are in no danger as long as you maintain the high road and keep it fun. She could help by engaging you about it more, teasing you, but I sense your insolence is making that difficult for her. Change that.
 
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