I am quite small when soft, it shrinks dramatically.
Before when I had hairy bush you could not even see this, just a head out. It was commented a few times back in school in communal shower or when changing so I already had a clue, especially when going to sauna and seeing other dicks.
My wife is the only women I had sex with and yes, size of the penis was one of the reason I did not have it until my 20th, feeling unsecure. Wife slept with 4 guys before me (same age) and to be quite honest she approached me and took the initiative giving me her pussy to lick for the first date so it gave me some boost.
Then first time she mentioned kind of joking to me only I am too small when we visited a nude beach with friends long time ago. I was the smallest one among them and at the time only one completely shaved down as suggested by my wife time ago, it was so embarrassing back then. Also the size is one of the reason I shaved and now completely permanently smooth.
Wife never complained about size when erect though but never managed to cum too, not even close. She could cum with her ex around 8" and can with big dildo now or me eating her (sometimes 2 minutes is enough). She complains that I am too quick or sometimes not hard enough. Now she prefers dildo or oral to penetration.