Making a Hotwife!

I continue to push forward. I haven’t received any feedback from my wife on decisions or next steps, so I sent her a couple of financial proposals that would work for me. She replied to that email with a very short question and said nothing more. We had a busy night with kid activities so didn’t have a chance to talk.

She did mention in passing that she may have to go to her supplierSunday through Wednesday next week. I just said okay at the time. My youngest ...... heard her comment and asked if that was Chicago. I said yes and he just rolled his eyes. I left that alone. I’m sure it is frustrating for him, but the kids have told me they are less stressed when their mom isn’t around. I have been trying to mitigate that, but it’s hard.

This morning, I asked for clarification on why she needed to go to her supplier since a week ago she told me travel would be limited. She replied asking if I am always going to question her travel now. I told her that I was just trying to understand and that I won’t ask again. I did let her know that we have a lot to work through and it will be hard if she doesn’t talk to me and I can’t ask questions.

I am just going to keep moving forward. She is just playing games and stringing me along. I am tired of this game. Just trying to remain cordial for the kids while not allowing her to take advantage of me. She does seem to respond when I stand up for myself, but it often takes some time for her to not be defensive

One day at a time.

Thanks for keeping us updated.
 
I continue to push forward. I haven’t received any feedback from my wife on decisions or next steps, so I sent her a couple of financial proposals that would work for me. She replied to that email with a very short question and said nothing more. We had a busy night with kid activities so didn’t have a chance to talk.

She did mention in passing that she may have to go to her supplierSunday through Wednesday next week. I just said okay at the time. My youngest ...... heard her comment and asked if that was Chicago. I said yes and he just rolled his eyes. I left that alone. I’m sure it is frustrating for him, but the kids have told me they are less stressed when their mom isn’t around. I have been trying to mitigate that, but it’s hard.

This morning, I asked for clarification on why she needed to go to her supplier since a week ago she told me travel would be limited. She replied asking if I am always going to question her travel now. I told her that I was just trying to understand and that I won’t ask again. I did let her know that we have a lot to work through and it will be hard if she doesn’t talk to me and I can’t ask questions.

I am just going to keep moving forward. She is just playing games and stringing me along. I am tired of this game. Just trying to remain cordial for the kids while not allowing her to take advantage of me. She does seem to respond when I stand up for myself, but it often takes some time for her to not be defensive

One day at a time.
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Consider this:
Every request of her you make reveals an area of your concern, ie, a weakness.
Money, the kids, the house, new lover.
Don't let her see you squirm. Every agreement you two make is worthless once she gets a lawyer, its a battleplan.
You can count on her going full psycho at some point soon, her only wish will be to inflict pain and suffering.
 
Consider this:
Every request of her you make reveals an area of your concern, ie, a weakness.
Money, the kids, the house, new lover.
Don't let her see you squirm. Every agreement you two make is worthless once she gets a lawyer, its a battleplan.
You can count on her going full psycho at some point soon, her only wish will be to inflict pain and suffering.
I cannot disagree with this. I would put money on her going “scorched earth” once you have a divorce petition completed.
 
We talked again last night and I explained again why it is important that we keep moving forward with documenting everything. My wife didn’t understand why I am not just taking her at her word that she doesn’t want my pension or 401k. I told her that she has said a lot of this recently and not followed through with any of them. We also talked about the financial proposals which was a productive conversation. I showed my wife what her financial situation would look like without support from me. She explained that wasn’t workable as she would only have about $400 per month for gas, food and entertainment after paying bills. My wife then explained that if we went that way, she would either need spousal support or we would need to sell some things to reduce our bills. I replied that I put that scenario together to show her how much she is benefiting from our combined income.

I also shared a couple other scenarios for splitting bills that gives my wife enough financial freedom for now in exchange for her leaving my retirement funds alone. I am basically buying out a portion of my retirement over time and is a reasonable situation for both of us. After talking, she had a better understanding of the proposals as well as a better understanding of my concerns.

I then explained that we need to get this all in writing and submitted legally as the current situation is only in her best interest and is very risky to me. She agreed that we need to legally define how we will move forward and that it needs to happen soon.

She also mentioned some things that lead me to believe she isn’t as smitten with her new friend. I didn’t ask for details as it really doesn’t matter at this point. It is interesting that it is cooling off already. Though she hasn’t seen him in a couple of weeks and has no current plans to go back. Her trip next week has been postponed due to things outside her control.

I hope to get details sorted out this weekend so we can get paperwork drafted and submitted sometime next week. Fingers crossed!
 
I am probably sharing far too much detail for most of you, but I am kind of using this as a bit of a diary to keep track of timeframe and changes in behavior. My wife continues to slow play any progress on legally defining anything. We did make verbal progress last week on expectations and then need to move forward with legally defining everything.

If my wife doesn’t changer her mind, I am confident that we can mutually agree to everything. She has been very cordial as we discussed everything and she didn’t understand why I was “pushing”. As I explained why I was taking all of the risk by doing nothing, she better understood why I need definition and legal records to reduce risk. I did my best to remove all feelings and just stick to the facts. I did need to be very direct and tell her that her “word” isn’t something I can count on because her “word” hasn’t been followed through lately. I had to share numerous examples of her saying one thing and doing another before she accepted my point.

Where it gets confusing for me. This weekend, she mentioned that she got mad at her new friend and had told him off. It was an offhand remark and I had to ask for clarification in order to understand what she meant. Essentially, I learned that her new friend had posted something on social media stating he would only be two hours away from our hometown for a sporting event this weekend, but he didn’t tell my wife or ask if she wanted to meet him. This upset her, so she texted him and asked why he didn’t ask if she wanted to meet him. He read her text but didn’t respond. A little while later, she told him she was pissed and didn’t want to hear from him again.

My next question was if she would have gone to see him if he had asked. She said she would have. That was a disappointment to me as she would have broken plans with me and the kids on short notice to see him. I didn’t expect to get priority over him if it was just me, but I was surprised to learn she would break plans with the kids to spend time with him.

Yesterday, my wife asked if I had any interest in going somewhere with her for her birthday. I asked where and she said Vegas for a long weekend. I looked into pricing and it was too expensive due to short notice. She then asked about a trip to the Caribbean. I found some reasonable deals. Then last night she asked if we should be going on a trip with everything going on. I cannot argue with her logic and I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. On one hand, I really need a vacation, but I’d sure like to go somewhere beachy with someone I enjoy and who would enjoy being with me. As you can imagine, things are always awkward right now. It’s hard to know where I stand when she continues to say she doesn’t know what she wants.

We aren’t going anywhere for her birthday. I need to ignore the noise and keep focusing on splitting stuff up legally. One step at a time.
 
It sounds like the cliche "wants her cake and east it too.".

She's stalling and not fully committing to going seperate ways. She's not burning her bridges. She hedging her bet, if the boyfriend thing doesn't work out you're her fall back position.
Nobody wants to be another persons backup plan. Start moving the ball quicker while shes undecided and still smitten by this new guy. Once the honeymoon period wears off and things dont work out, she could very well dig in her heels and fight for more from the divorce. Things can become ugly and go sideways fast.
 
Everything is progressing very slowly. We continue discussing the split of assets and how we are going to interact for the best interests of the kids.

My wife did recently tell me that she has ended things entirely with her new friend from Chicago. I don’t have all the details by any means, but know a major factor was the distance and the fact that she isn’t interested in moving there until our kids are out of school. That would be at least five years from now. She was pretty upset that he wasn’t willing to give it a try. To be fair, she also told him many weeks ago that they could just be friends and then continued to discuss a future with him. She never told me that until she explained she cut things off entirely and I didn’t undertand why she was upset. When I asked why she was upset that he wasn’t interested in a relationship after she told him she wanted to be just friends, she said things had wavered and that she just hadn’t told me because it was just talk.

Despite this change, she really hasn’t changed her behavior toward me or her desire moving forward. The other day, we had a long conversation about what I need and I made it clear that it’s hard for me to be her friend right now. I also explained that I don’t feel respected or valued for my contributions to the family. I told her that if we have any chance of being friends, she needs to treat me with respect and show me that I am valued. That doesn’t mean she needs to be my wife or anything like that. She simply needs to quit stringing me along for her benefit and be honest with me about where she is at and keep working on dividing assets and other negations required to legally separate. I should not have to bring up the topic every time and drive the conversation.

It would be much easier if kids weren’t involved or if we didn’t have a lot of assets. Beyond that, things are getting better for me each day. I have been hitting the gym and making time for myself. It helps with my overall mental wellness. And I am seeing the benefits in the gym too. I have lost two inches on my waist and all my clothes fit again. My arms and legs are growing and my core strength has improved a great deal. I have lost 5% body fat in the past two months. Go me!!!