Making a Hotwife!
- Thread starter Iahotwifeshusband
- Start date
I can’t fully answer for why she chose to pursue another guy beyond just fucking. The reasons she gave at the time were that he was much like her. Impulsive, a bit reckless, and more dominant in bed. She said it was fireworks when with him. As time passed, the rollercoaster of highs and lows was more than either of them could tolerate. It was a hot flame that burned out quickly. My wife is a handful and, quite simply, most men just won’t put up with her ....... I, on the other hand, am both conservative and kinky. I am very stable emotionally and financially. There is nothing more important to me than my family. I get the most pleasure from taking care of my wife and my kids. I spoil all of them and work tirelessly to make sure they are taken care of.
As the relationship with her fling flamed out, reality set in. My wife has to choose between looking for another hot flame or a life with me where she knows I will take excellent care of her and she will be able to retire young and travel for the majority of her adult life. She can choose the dominant man who may not give a ...... what she thinks or wants, but can fuck her into a coma. Or she can be with me and know that I care what she thinks and wants. She likely knows that once we get our relationship straightened out, my kinky side will come back out. If she plays her cards right, she can probably have it all again.
As for me, I have read extensively about new relationship energy. I was well aware of the risk long before we ever started in the lifestyle. We talked extensively about nre and my wife was confident that she could separate sex from emotion. Heck, she had always done that prior to meeting me. She had numerous sexual partners before we met, but no long term relationships. When we met, she pursued me for nearly a year before I agreed to a serious relationship. I was not looking to get married or have a family. She was a smokin hot young lady but I wasn’t ready for a relationship after recently getting out of a long term relationship about 6 months before we met. I just wanted to be free and single. I had several other young women interested in dating at that time, but I had turned them all away. I am still not quite sure why I eventually agreed to dated my wife, but her fire and independence was definitely attractive to me. My wife wasn’t really looking for someone to take care of her. Instead, she was looking for someone to push her. As we married and settled down with kids, I became a father first and husband second.
Her new friend has a teenage ......, but that part of his life was always separate from when he spent time with my wife. Also, prior to my wife, this guy didn’t play with married women. He made an exception for my wife and I think it was a mistake by both of them because he didn’t know the rules for playing with a married women. He didn’t just fuck my wife, he dated my wife. That was a big part of the problem.
While that relationship is in the past, it provides lots of lessons. My wife can no longer say she can separate sex and emotions in all cases. There is no path forward where she plays outside of our marriage that doesn’t include the risk that this can’t happen again. I don’t know if she will ever play again or not. I have always kept meticulous notes on her play and partners. As I have reviewed the facts, some things stand out. Most of her play partners have been married. Single/divorced guys are very rare for her. This may be a big factor in why we didn’t run into problems earlier. The men she had fucked simply weren’t available. Most of her play partners were once or twice and then she moved on. She did fuck one married guy a handful of times. There have only been a handful of men who fucked my wife even three different times. Her latest friend fucked her three times the first week they met. All on her work trip and three out of four nights before coming home to me. Their relationship was based upon her travel schedule for work. So ever time they got together, there was no distraction for family because I was back home with the kids and taking care of everything at home. It would be like sending your wife on vacation with a guy and expecting there not to be feelings. Add that to a single guy who was effectively dating my wife, dinners out to fancy restaurants, motorcycle rides, exploring the city, and no normal family life, coupled with firework sex and you have a pending train wreck.
I can’t say what my wife is thinking now. I can barely digest what I am thinking. She is treating me as well as she did when we first met. My wife doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do. She isn’t going to stroke my ego to get what she wants. If she is showing me affection, it’s because she wants to. I have never seen her pretend to be nice to anyone to get something from them. She asks me if I feel loved on a regular basis. If ai say no, we talk about it and figure it out. We have a long way to go. I don’t want to be an option until another one comes along. I only want her in my life if we are both committed to each other until one of us dies. She knows that if she has any doubt, I would rather she leaves versus giving it a try. She was honest with me about her feelings when things got out of control with her friend. She did withhold some details and actions as things fell apart. But she hasn’t lied to me at any time to spare my feelings. So, I shouldn’t expect her to start now.
We both have a long way to go. She doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt at this point. I am not insecure in any way, but I watch her behavior closely and ask questions when I see anything I am not comfortable with. I am also 100% okay if things don’t work out. Even if that means some significant financial changes. I just want to be happy moving forward. If that is with her, great! If she wants something else, I will be happy anyway. At this point, I have had seven months to think about life both with and without her. Knowing that I will be happy either way is very freeing. There are days where I don’t see us getting back what we lost and I consider just pulling the plug. And there are days when I want to find a way to put the pieces back together again. For now, my main focus is on my kids and what I need to be happy. She is doing the same. We make time for each other, but it isn’t our only priority. We both have lives with and without each other. It is more like dating again tha being married. We talk about our expectations for the future but don’t just assume we will be together. It is a negotiation. There isn’t a roadmap or a timetable. Each day is a new adventure.
While I appreciate the thoughts and opinions of others here, I am not looking for anyones permission or agreement with what I do next I am just looking to share in hopes that others can learn from my situation. 🙂
As the relationship with her fling flamed out, reality set in. My wife has to choose between looking for another hot flame or a life with me where she knows I will take excellent care of her and she will be able to retire young and travel for the majority of her adult life. She can choose the dominant man who may not give a ...... what she thinks or wants, but can fuck her into a coma. Or she can be with me and know that I care what she thinks and wants. She likely knows that once we get our relationship straightened out, my kinky side will come back out. If she plays her cards right, she can probably have it all again.
As for me, I have read extensively about new relationship energy. I was well aware of the risk long before we ever started in the lifestyle. We talked extensively about nre and my wife was confident that she could separate sex from emotion. Heck, she had always done that prior to meeting me. She had numerous sexual partners before we met, but no long term relationships. When we met, she pursued me for nearly a year before I agreed to a serious relationship. I was not looking to get married or have a family. She was a smokin hot young lady but I wasn’t ready for a relationship after recently getting out of a long term relationship about 6 months before we met. I just wanted to be free and single. I had several other young women interested in dating at that time, but I had turned them all away. I am still not quite sure why I eventually agreed to dated my wife, but her fire and independence was definitely attractive to me. My wife wasn’t really looking for someone to take care of her. Instead, she was looking for someone to push her. As we married and settled down with kids, I became a father first and husband second.
Her new friend has a teenage ......, but that part of his life was always separate from when he spent time with my wife. Also, prior to my wife, this guy didn’t play with married women. He made an exception for my wife and I think it was a mistake by both of them because he didn’t know the rules for playing with a married women. He didn’t just fuck my wife, he dated my wife. That was a big part of the problem.
While that relationship is in the past, it provides lots of lessons. My wife can no longer say she can separate sex and emotions in all cases. There is no path forward where she plays outside of our marriage that doesn’t include the risk that this can’t happen again. I don’t know if she will ever play again or not. I have always kept meticulous notes on her play and partners. As I have reviewed the facts, some things stand out. Most of her play partners have been married. Single/divorced guys are very rare for her. This may be a big factor in why we didn’t run into problems earlier. The men she had fucked simply weren’t available. Most of her play partners were once or twice and then she moved on. She did fuck one married guy a handful of times. There have only been a handful of men who fucked my wife even three different times. Her latest friend fucked her three times the first week they met. All on her work trip and three out of four nights before coming home to me. Their relationship was based upon her travel schedule for work. So ever time they got together, there was no distraction for family because I was back home with the kids and taking care of everything at home. It would be like sending your wife on vacation with a guy and expecting there not to be feelings. Add that to a single guy who was effectively dating my wife, dinners out to fancy restaurants, motorcycle rides, exploring the city, and no normal family life, coupled with firework sex and you have a pending train wreck.
I can’t say what my wife is thinking now. I can barely digest what I am thinking. She is treating me as well as she did when we first met. My wife doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do. She isn’t going to stroke my ego to get what she wants. If she is showing me affection, it’s because she wants to. I have never seen her pretend to be nice to anyone to get something from them. She asks me if I feel loved on a regular basis. If ai say no, we talk about it and figure it out. We have a long way to go. I don’t want to be an option until another one comes along. I only want her in my life if we are both committed to each other until one of us dies. She knows that if she has any doubt, I would rather she leaves versus giving it a try. She was honest with me about her feelings when things got out of control with her friend. She did withhold some details and actions as things fell apart. But she hasn’t lied to me at any time to spare my feelings. So, I shouldn’t expect her to start now.
We both have a long way to go. She doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt at this point. I am not insecure in any way, but I watch her behavior closely and ask questions when I see anything I am not comfortable with. I am also 100% okay if things don’t work out. Even if that means some significant financial changes. I just want to be happy moving forward. If that is with her, great! If she wants something else, I will be happy anyway. At this point, I have had seven months to think about life both with and without her. Knowing that I will be happy either way is very freeing. There are days where I don’t see us getting back what we lost and I consider just pulling the plug. And there are days when I want to find a way to put the pieces back together again. For now, my main focus is on my kids and what I need to be happy. She is doing the same. We make time for each other, but it isn’t our only priority. We both have lives with and without each other. It is more like dating again tha being married. We talk about our expectations for the future but don’t just assume we will be together. It is a negotiation. There isn’t a roadmap or a timetable. Each day is a new adventure.
While I appreciate the thoughts and opinions of others here, I am not looking for anyones permission or agreement with what I do next I am just looking to share in hopes that others can learn from my situation. 🙂
I think this right here is a huge part of how you ended up in this situation. Your wife felt all the immediate upside of the new relationship but lacked the relationship experience to project how that type of relationship was likely to turn out long-term.
I had some really intense, fiery relationships when I was younger and it didn't take too many to realize, as fun as it was at first, those relationships were always doomed.
It sounds like you have a good outlook on things and taking a cautious approach to seeing if things can be restored but not getting your hopes too invested in it.
From my/our experience there is a big difference between a sexual relationship and a dating relationship. Sexual is just that, physical & sexual, whereas dating denotes, emotions and feelings.
A wife already has the emotional relationship with her husband, if she needs that from a date she should rethink who her husband is.
A wife already has the emotional relationship with her husband, if she needs that from a date she should rethink who her husband is.
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This is a great point. She hasn’t ever dated her fuck buddies before. What made the last one a problem was the fact that she was traveling on a regular basis to the same town as her fuck buddy. She was spending at least four days each week and sometimes was there for two weeks straight. That leaves evenings free. Her schedule was work, go to the gym, and then find something to eat. With the availability of a single fuck buddy, who wouldn’t enjoy having someone to eat with? It wasn’t so much that she needed someone to date as it evolved into a dating situation. In the beginning, I can’t fault the single guy for treating my wife with respect and taking good care of her. I certainly wouldn’t want my wife fucking someone who didn’t treat her with respect. The problem arose once feelings developed between both of them. In some ways it was NRE, but with the dating aspect it was stronger than that. When my wife originally shared her full feelings with me, she wanted to basically try having a relationship with both of us. When I didn’t agree to this, everything took a turn. She had to choose one of us. I can understand the allure of a shiny new toy vs the old steady favorite. In her mind, she needed time to figure out what she wanted. Neither of us handled it well because we didn’t see it coming and never thought we would be here. I felt betrayed and her unwillingness to immediately stop seeing him was counter to our agreement to enter the lifestyle. She never expected to feel this way. Heck, she had played with over 25 other guys over the past 4 years and not one hint of intense feelings. She was friends with a few guys. Others were simply dildos with a heartbeat. I am sure she was a pussy with a heartbeat to some of them as well. This was our first experience with doubt. In some ways, it has been good for both of us because we have to make time for ourselves and we have to remember who we are as individuals. It’s just the trust piece that I still need to resolve. I always believed I would be my wife’s number one priority. I know that there is no absolute there. I should always be working to keep our relationship healthy and so should she. There is no coasting or waiting for things to slow down before we work on our relationship. That has to be a constant. Kids, life, work make that hard sometimes, but we are doing better to find some time for us.
Sorry for another long post brain dump. Thanks for the likes follows and comments! Always more to think about. You are all awesome!
Thank you! You have been a valued confidante throughout this rough patch. I always appreciate your honest feedback and do take everything you say to heart. So many unknowns moving forward but no doubt sunny skies one way or another!
I certainly hope that she is willing to do the work to regain your trust. What she has to do in order to get there is a pretty steep hill to climb. Either way, you should be fine. Like I said, you need to do what’s best for you (you do you).
It's like being between a rock and a hard place.
We limited contact to only a few times, UNLESS, and there were exceptions where she didn't actually like the guy but loved the sex, it meant there would be no emotions involved. YES, There were a few guys where she ended it because she felt emotions crop up either on her end of his.
Never dated, her sex partners were called partners, not lovers, not boyfriends, not fuck buddies, nothing that denoted an emotional bond.
Had a bit of an interesting development this past weekend. I took our youngest ...... to a weekend tournament while my wife and middle ...... stayed home for other kid activities. We were both swamped all weekend chasing kids. When I arrived home yesterday, my wife was still away with our middle ....... When I went to my room to unpack, I found a very nice gift from my wife. She took and ran with a random comment I had made last week. What makes this interesting is that the item was a couple hundred dollars, she was super busy yet still found time, and it’s been years since she went out of her way to do something special for me.
Just one step along the way, but it was certainly appreciated! She has also been more active in pretty much every way around the house. From chores to affection, she seems to have hit the reset button and shows me that she appreciates me on a regular basis. Nothing overwhelming, just consistent.
It’s likely going to be a while before I have anything kinky to share, if that ever happens again. We have talked about the lifestyle as part of expectations moving forward. We haven’t closed the door completely, but discussed what we have learned over the past year and agreed to table that stuff for now. She knows I enjoyed her play when it didn’t cause trouble, but not sure either of us know how it would go now that we have survived the past six months. I still need time to work through the trust issues but some days feel normal and other days can be hard.
I hope the updates are appreciated even without any sexy updates. Have a great Monday!
Just one step along the way, but it was certainly appreciated! She has also been more active in pretty much every way around the house. From chores to affection, she seems to have hit the reset button and shows me that she appreciates me on a regular basis. Nothing overwhelming, just consistent.
It’s likely going to be a while before I have anything kinky to share, if that ever happens again. We have talked about the lifestyle as part of expectations moving forward. We haven’t closed the door completely, but discussed what we have learned over the past year and agreed to table that stuff for now. She knows I enjoyed her play when it didn’t cause trouble, but not sure either of us know how it would go now that we have survived the past six months. I still need time to work through the trust issues but some days feel normal and other days can be hard.
I hope the updates are appreciated even without any sexy updates. Have a great Monday!
I'm happy to read this update, keep 'em coming.
I think her surprise gift to you shows that you are on her mind. Maybe she's starting to see how sex is a part of a greater whole. Your dedication to your children is part of partnership that you and your wife entered into at their births. Having a partner that is responsible and carries their share of the weight in everything from cleaning toilets to making sure the family is content is an important asset in a relationship. I'm sure she's learning that she has very little to complain about and knows if she did argue the point she'd look foolish.
Sounds like she's trying from what you've posted. Good job on holding your family together! I'm hoping that your patience will lead to a new fun sexual time/chapter in your life. Everybody's a little wiser now!
Nice update. I am happy to read this.
I get that trust takes a long time to rebuild. Continue watching her actions (trusting her words will take a lot longer).
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Great update. It would be had to totally trust her, but who knows... it might be time to start loosening up a bit. You can still not trust completely but at least enjoy her!
Happy Monday everyone!
It’s been a while, but wanted to share an update. I don’t have anything of substance to report. We have been very busy with stuff for the kids which hasn’t left any time for any fun. My wife hasn’t expressed any interest in meeting anyone else even though she has old friends reaching out from time to time. She also hasn’t traveled for work in several months.
She has traded a couple of messages with the guy who she developed feelings for last year. He has told her that he misses her but she seems to have moved on. She seems to be focused on herself and our family which is good. My only concern at this time is that we haven’t been intimate in any way for over a month. I have tried to initiate on several occasions but get shot down in a variety of ways. I quit trying a few weeks ago to see if maybe she would let me know when she is up for some fun. Nothing yet.
We are more roommates at this point than a couple. I want more than that, but not sure where to go next. I suppose her not having any other lovers is a step in the right direction but, after last year, I need more evidence that I matter and that I am part of her long term plan. If we are just treading water, I would prefer to move on.
It’s been a while, but wanted to share an update. I don’t have anything of substance to report. We have been very busy with stuff for the kids which hasn’t left any time for any fun. My wife hasn’t expressed any interest in meeting anyone else even though she has old friends reaching out from time to time. She also hasn’t traveled for work in several months.
She has traded a couple of messages with the guy who she developed feelings for last year. He has told her that he misses her but she seems to have moved on. She seems to be focused on herself and our family which is good. My only concern at this time is that we haven’t been intimate in any way for over a month. I have tried to initiate on several occasions but get shot down in a variety of ways. I quit trying a few weeks ago to see if maybe she would let me know when she is up for some fun. Nothing yet.
We are more roommates at this point than a couple. I want more than that, but not sure where to go next. I suppose her not having any other lovers is a step in the right direction but, after last year, I need more evidence that I matter and that I am part of her long term plan. If we are just treading water, I would prefer to move on.
She seems to want to stay together. But I don’t know if it’s because of the stability I provide, or if she actually wants to be with me. I never had a reason to question until the last year. Now, I question everything. I guess that is normal when you lose trust. It is easy to lose and very hard to regain.
One of the things I appreciate about your posts is the harsh reality. So often the stories are whitewashed or never put down to a post at all because the whole thing turned South. There seems to be a ...... ton of easy mistakes to be made that are ignored by these websites. They glorify the successes and never share the failures or how to recover from them. You have painfully learned a lot and consequently you have some very very important insights to share. I thank you for sharing!
Thank you! I joined this site to learn as much as I could about the lifestyle and pitfalls to avoid. I also enjoy hearing about other people’s kinky adventures. I agree that it is important to know the whole story when considering if and how to proceed. The reality is that this lifestyle is playing with fire. It is a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences. There are definitely many highs and lows.
Regardless of where things go from here, I don’t think I would go back and avoid the lifestyle. I’m not sure this created any problems that weren’t already there. It can make any problems more noticeable, so be careful when you take the first step. I don’t think going back to vanilla is feasible in most cases.
I will continue to keep it real. As with all relationships, it ebbs and flows. Have a fantastic day!
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