She has already shown you she no longer thinks of you as her best friend.
Making a Hotwife!
- Thread starter Iahotwifeshusband
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I've been through something similar (infidelity).. There is no easy and fast way to drive through it. At least we had no kids, that would be tough.
Like you I stopped at the gym three days a week.
I spent time in bars, found several one night stands that helped me realize that I was going to be okay..
I started going out more with friends more, and in a 4 months I met my current girl that I ended up marrying...
As bad as this feels right now, you got this! The sooner you can get her gone the faster you get back in the saddle and ride on...
You and your kids are number one.
We're here for you. You got this!
Ha! I have heard it said that sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. 🤣
In your original account you must realize how she manipulated you. From your excellent writing its obvious you have a logicle and analytic mind.
First- take care of yourself. You can't take care of your kids if you fall apart.
Second- get her out of your life. You can't destroy her because she will always be your sons ....... But she is not your wife.
You already know that part, just make it happen.
Third- build a new future. Make new plans. Don't rush into it, but let the older, wiser, emotionally stronger you find a new woman. You're good with kids, find a single stay at home mom and slut her out ON YOUR TERMS. You will be surprised at how healthy this will make your ego.
First- take care of yourself. You can't take care of your kids if you fall apart.
Second- get her out of your life. You can't destroy her because she will always be your sons ....... But she is not your wife.
You already know that part, just make it happen.
Third- build a new future. Make new plans. Don't rush into it, but let the older, wiser, emotionally stronger you find a new woman. You're good with kids, find a single stay at home mom and slut her out ON YOUR TERMS. You will be surprised at how healthy this will make your ego.
No truer words have ever been said...Parting the lips of a new woman always made me forget the last one!
You guys rock! Love the great feedback. For now, I am just focused on the legal and financial aspects. I am also going to the gym to shed some pounds and stress. I feel great after every workout minus some normally soreness after getting pudgy. I am sure at some point I will be ready to find a sexy woman who appreciates me. All in time!
You're entering a new chapter of your life. Post-marriage. Plan for it. It's a brave new world out there, be prepared.
We keep working through things one day at a time. After the initial shock of my life changing overnight, I am settling in with new expectations and goals for the future. We are working through the finances and trying to figure out how to best work together to raise the kids while we both figure out exactly what each of our next steps are.
My wife has paused things with her friend. During her last trip to Chicago, she only saw him one time and it was after that trip that she decided it was best to focus on herself for the present time. She is home this week and at least next week because of lots of things for the kids with school and sports. She told me the other day that her travel moving forward will be very limited because of the current travel budgets. She said there may still be some travel, but not the pace she has seen the past two months. She is still talking with her friend, but obviously nothing physical since he is 4.5 hours away. The irony is that I had accepted that she was going to see things through with this guy and was moving forward with my next steps. Even though she has paused things with him, we are not picking things back up as a couple.
There have been a couple of occasions where she asks for a hug but clearly states the she doesn’t want to lead me on. At this point, we are friends who are both going through a tough time and it is working. We haven’t kissed or been intimate for several weeks and I don’t anticipate this changing. She has said a couple times that things could change in a year or two, but right now she isn’t interested in an “us”.
I don’t think that would be good for me either. I need time to find myself and decide what I want in life besides just providing for my family. I have been going to the gym and working to get back in shape. It’s nice to spend time focusing on myself. I also plan to freshen up my wardrobe once our finances are separated. I used to be fashion savvy, but as our kids grew up, I focused the time and money making sure they had all they needed and was frugal with my fashion expenses. That’s going to change moving forward. No reason there can’t be enough for me too.
I feel like I am through the toughest part which is the mental aspect. The next steps are the formal financial split and filing paperwork. This will start the waiting period until we can officially divorce. I believe it’s six months from filing to final divorce. We are very close to agreeing on the big stuff and then need to add the minor things which shouldn’t be a big deal. My wife doesn’t want any of my retirement investments or my pension which is a good thing. Since this is her choice, she doesn’t want me to have to work longer before I can retire. She is also letting me keep the house which I built for our family. The current plan is for us to continue living together until our kids are done with school in 5.5 years. Our house is very large and we already have our own bedrooms. We agreed to keep any and all social lives away from our kids. So we won’t be bringing back new friends to the house. I imagine this will change at some point, but we agree for now. It will be good for the kids to see we can get along with each other without being a couple. When the time is right, I am sure things will change again.
It is highly likely that we won’t live together for the entire 5.5 years until our youngest graduates from high school. However, that is the agreement for now. My wife also said she expects me to continue coming to her family functions. I get along great with her family and it won’t be awkward for me, but will be awkward for her. This surprised me. I figure it will change in time, but we will cross that bridge when we get there. When the time comes that she has a serious new friend, I expect it will change. I am completely fine with it too.
I realize this isn’t the normal sexy stories that we are used to seeing on this site, but is the reality and evolution for me. I have begun to think about life after wife. Initially, I couldn’t even imagine anyone else as I have spent the last 18 years planning my future with my wife. However, I am starting to realize there is more out there for me. I can’t really imagine getting married again, but never say never. I do want to have someone to share my life with. I have never imagined or desired just being alone in retirement. I want to travel the world and share experiences with someone special. Hard to imagine that right now as I always pictured that with my wife. Things will continue to change and what is unclear now will make more sense in the future.
That’s all for now!
My wife has paused things with her friend. During her last trip to Chicago, she only saw him one time and it was after that trip that she decided it was best to focus on herself for the present time. She is home this week and at least next week because of lots of things for the kids with school and sports. She told me the other day that her travel moving forward will be very limited because of the current travel budgets. She said there may still be some travel, but not the pace she has seen the past two months. She is still talking with her friend, but obviously nothing physical since he is 4.5 hours away. The irony is that I had accepted that she was going to see things through with this guy and was moving forward with my next steps. Even though she has paused things with him, we are not picking things back up as a couple.
There have been a couple of occasions where she asks for a hug but clearly states the she doesn’t want to lead me on. At this point, we are friends who are both going through a tough time and it is working. We haven’t kissed or been intimate for several weeks and I don’t anticipate this changing. She has said a couple times that things could change in a year or two, but right now she isn’t interested in an “us”.
I don’t think that would be good for me either. I need time to find myself and decide what I want in life besides just providing for my family. I have been going to the gym and working to get back in shape. It’s nice to spend time focusing on myself. I also plan to freshen up my wardrobe once our finances are separated. I used to be fashion savvy, but as our kids grew up, I focused the time and money making sure they had all they needed and was frugal with my fashion expenses. That’s going to change moving forward. No reason there can’t be enough for me too.
I feel like I am through the toughest part which is the mental aspect. The next steps are the formal financial split and filing paperwork. This will start the waiting period until we can officially divorce. I believe it’s six months from filing to final divorce. We are very close to agreeing on the big stuff and then need to add the minor things which shouldn’t be a big deal. My wife doesn’t want any of my retirement investments or my pension which is a good thing. Since this is her choice, she doesn’t want me to have to work longer before I can retire. She is also letting me keep the house which I built for our family. The current plan is for us to continue living together until our kids are done with school in 5.5 years. Our house is very large and we already have our own bedrooms. We agreed to keep any and all social lives away from our kids. So we won’t be bringing back new friends to the house. I imagine this will change at some point, but we agree for now. It will be good for the kids to see we can get along with each other without being a couple. When the time is right, I am sure things will change again.
It is highly likely that we won’t live together for the entire 5.5 years until our youngest graduates from high school. However, that is the agreement for now. My wife also said she expects me to continue coming to her family functions. I get along great with her family and it won’t be awkward for me, but will be awkward for her. This surprised me. I figure it will change in time, but we will cross that bridge when we get there. When the time comes that she has a serious new friend, I expect it will change. I am completely fine with it too.
I realize this isn’t the normal sexy stories that we are used to seeing on this site, but is the reality and evolution for me. I have begun to think about life after wife. Initially, I couldn’t even imagine anyone else as I have spent the last 18 years planning my future with my wife. However, I am starting to realize there is more out there for me. I can’t really imagine getting married again, but never say never. I do want to have someone to share my life with. I have never imagined or desired just being alone in retirement. I want to travel the world and share experiences with someone special. Hard to imagine that right now as I always pictured that with my wife. Things will continue to change and what is unclear now will make more sense in the future.
That’s all for now!
Reveur
Couple
We think you're in the right way how you are planning your future.
Nobody in the lifestyle, hotwifing, cockulding, or normal vanilla life is guaranteed that it will work when one of the couple isn't serious and honest with the partner.
Get care of you and your kids.
Nobody in the lifestyle, hotwifing, cockulding, or normal vanilla life is guaranteed that it will work when one of the couple isn't serious and honest with the partner.
Get care of you and your kids.
You are following a tough road right now. Many of us have been down this path before and know what you are going through at the moment. It will get easier over time. However I was suprised to read your comment about possibly living together 5.5 years. Not sure I could do that or even 6 months myself. The longer you both stay under one roof, the harder it will be for you both to move on both emotionally and financially. She really needs to get a taste of seperation or divorce in the real world by learning what its like to live on her own. Plus the kids are smart, they see and/or notice whats happening. Im not sure you two staying together is the right thing for the kids since they will witness their parents go through bouts of depression and occasional disagreements and possible arguments. Plus, things changing in 2 to 3 years doesnt guarantee anything and in my opinion, is way to long of a timeline to see this through. However, regardless what I think, you should follow your timeline. In fact most people come to this realization while they are completing the divorce paperwork.
Keep working on improving yourself. Whether she eventually learns what she has lost is irrelevent anymore since she only looks at you as a friend.
Keep working on improving yourself. Whether she eventually learns what she has lost is irrelevent anymore since she only looks at you as a friend.
I agree that 5.5 years living in the house is unlikely. As we work through the paperwork defining expectations moving forward, I have already shared the need to have the ability for things to change with living arrangements during that period of time. Both of us need to be able to do something different once we realize it isn’t working. I have proposed that we start this way and then set a period of notice required for either party to change the living arrangement. I can afford the house on my own, but would need to adjust some things short term in order to be comfortable financially. If we can even live together for 6-12 months, everything becomes much easier and less disruptive to the kids.
Maybe I should create a poll to see how long people guess it will take for this arrangement to change. There are a lot of moving pieces and I know it will get complicated quickly once one or both of us actively start dating. I expect my wife to have concerns the minute she even thinks I might be interested in someone else.
I am preparing for this to not last long.
Maybe I should create a poll to see how long people guess it will take for this arrangement to change. There are a lot of moving pieces and I know it will get complicated quickly once one or both of us actively start dating. I expect my wife to have concerns the minute she even thinks I might be interested in someone else.
I am preparing for this to not last long.
She really shouldn’t expect anything like that from you. She has made it clear your are not a couple.
"Hell hath no fury..."
Keep your mouth shut and head down until the divorce is finalized. But as soon as it is give her a cold shoulder. Don't be a babysitter while she starts dating again.
Keep your mouth shut and head down until the divorce is finalized. But as soon as it is give her a cold shoulder. Don't be a babysitter while she starts dating again.
Start at the beginning of this thread and read every entry. Don't be naive, go into it with your eyes open. Think about it when your dick isnt hard.
Real people, real emotions, real consequences.
I believe it takes maturity and honesty for it to work.
Women love drama, chaos and excitement but will never accept responsibility. She started breaking rules and acting out her very first trip out the gate. She was completely self-centered, and somehow it was her loving husbands fault.
Good luck.
Sluttyhusband,
Things definitely took a turn over the past month. After 4 years of great experiences and some lessons learned, the rug was pulled from under me about 5 weeks back. I thought our relationship was stronger than it was and even as I felt some distance between us, neither of us kept the lines of communication open. As I do the post Mortem, that is what stood out over the past year or so. We both quit talking to each other about our needs and kept pushing each other further away. As the distance increased, we both chose different ways to deal with it.
I knew communication was key to be successful, but we didn’t do enough. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell.
If you choose to go down this path, make sure you keep the lines of communication open and if you start to feel distant, shut things down and focus on the primary relationship. This lifestyle can’t fix problems, it only amplifies what is good or bad already. It is a hell of a ride, but isn’t without risks.
Things definitely took a turn over the past month. After 4 years of great experiences and some lessons learned, the rug was pulled from under me about 5 weeks back. I thought our relationship was stronger than it was and even as I felt some distance between us, neither of us kept the lines of communication open. As I do the post Mortem, that is what stood out over the past year or so. We both quit talking to each other about our needs and kept pushing each other further away. As the distance increased, we both chose different ways to deal with it.
I knew communication was key to be successful, but we didn’t do enough. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell.
If you choose to go down this path, make sure you keep the lines of communication open and if you start to feel distant, shut things down and focus on the primary relationship. This lifestyle can’t fix problems, it only amplifies what is good or bad already. It is a hell of a ride, but isn’t without risks.
IMHO residing in the same house is OK short term, weeks maybe months, albeit fraught with difficulty. Long term is a bad idea, neither of you can get on with your own lives when you cohabit.
Earlier you said not never say never about the thought of getting remarried. Is it also true that getting back together is another never say never situation? A lot can happen in a handful of months let alone 5.5 years. Is there any scenario you can envision that you stay together?
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