Making a Hotwife!

Iahotwifeshusband said:
I was doing some research on the internet to get help on how I can respond more effectively to my wife. I think I have stumbled onto some critical, but potentially devastating information. My wife displays all of the signs and behaviors of a covert narcissist. As I have continued to dig into this,it is like I am reading about all of my experiences with her. She is hypercritical of me and our kids but ...... to accept any criticism herself. Nothing is ever her fault. Inconsistent discipline for the kids has been a long time issue. My wife is very manipulative to me, the kids, and those around her. My wife is a pessimist and always finds the negative in people and situations. She never forgives anyone and brings up times she was slighted decades ago. She is always on the verge of being angry, but we never know if/when she is going to get upset or roll with the punches. She constantly accuses me of wrongdoing without any evidence or merit and is very jealous. Sex is needed by my wife to know that I love her, but she needs to be in charge of when, how, etc. she has always disliked my friends and family and made it difficult to see them. Over time, my relationships with others have suffered and are virtually gone. Finally, my wife consistently make grands changes, but they are often not successful.

This last month has been a perfect example of a grand change. I don’t see any successful outcome for her most recent change

The worst part of this discovery is that narcissists are not open to feedback and/or change. Narcissists are not able to understand someone else’s feelings which explains why she doesn’t care how I feel. This isn’t a new realization for me or my kids. We have all made comments that it is her way or the highway at nearly all times.

Last night, my youngest ...... asked when mom would be home. Keep in mind she has been home 6.5 days since since July 10th and won’t be home until at least the 5th of August. I asked if he was missing mom. His response broke my heart. “Not really. I like it more when it is just you and us (kids). I feel less stress when mom isn’t here.” I didn’t even know what to say. I am glad It was dark and we were in the car because I was trying to discreetly wipe the tears from my eyes. My ...... is a teenager for what that is worth.

I am working to meet with a counselor yet this week. I need to educate myself on how to better deal with my wife and how to best protect my kids. This really isn’t a hotwife thing anymore, but is part of our journey and a huge driver in our demise
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Wow. It sounds like you know and understand your future. It may be
 
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Iahotwifeshusband said:
I was doing some research on the internet to get help on how I can respond more effectively to my wife. I think I have stumbled onto some critical, but potentially devastating information. My wife displays all of the signs and behaviors of a covert narcissist. As I have continued to dig into this,it is like I am reading about all of my experiences with her. She is hypercritical of me and our kids but ...... to accept any criticism herself. Nothing is ever her fault. Inconsistent discipline for the kids has been a long time issue. My wife is very manipulative to me, the kids, and those around her. My wife is a pessimist and always finds the negative in people and situations. She never forgives anyone and brings up times she was slighted decades ago. She is always on the verge of being angry, but we never know if/when she is going to get upset or roll with the punches. She constantly accuses me of wrongdoing without any evidence or merit and is very jealous. Sex is needed by my wife to know that I love her, but she needs to be in charge of when, how, etc. she has always disliked my friends and family and made it difficult to see them. Over time, my relationships with others have suffered and are virtually gone. Finally, my wife consistently make grands changes, but they are often not successful.

This last month has been a perfect example of a grand change. I don’t see any successful outcome for her most recent change

The worst part of this discovery is that narcissists are not open to feedback and/or change. Narcissists are not able to understand someone else’s feelings which explains why she doesn’t care how I feel. This isn’t a new realization for me or my kids. We have all made comments that it is her way or the highway at nearly all times.

Last night, my youngest ...... asked when mom would be home. Keep in mind she has been home 6.5 days since since July 10th and won’t be home until at least the 5th of August. I asked if he was missing mom. His response broke my heart. “Not really. I like it more when it is just you and us (kids). I feel less stress when mom isn’t here.” I didn’t even know what to say. I am glad It was dark and we were in the car because I was trying to discreetly wipe the tears from my eyes. My ...... is a teenager for what that is worth.

I am working to meet with a counselor yet this week. I need to educate myself on how to better deal with my wife and how to best protect my kids. This really isn’t a hotwife thing anymore, but is part of our journey and a huge driver in our demise
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Wow, I feel for you. IMHO narcissists can't be counseled, it goes against everything they are.
 
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She isn’t open to counseling at this point but we have been in the past with marginal results. The counselor gave us both ways to help. And I was very careful then not to open any cans of worms or try to overshare with the counselor. We were always together with the counselor
 
I wanted to provide an update on my situation. My wife was back in Chicago last week from Friday through Friday. She came home last Friday, but went back Sunday afternoon and won’t be home again until this Friday.

I did learn that she spent Friday through midday Sunday with her new friend as well as Wednesday evening. I received little information or communication during this time. The information I did receive was either misleading or in some cases just plain false until I told her I knew she was lying. We talked little after that point.

One of our children had a weekend obligation out of town and I asked my wife to go along to support him. He rode along with another family to the event on Friday, so my wife and I could ride together. This gave us a couple of hours to talk without anyone around. To keep this short, we had a good talk, but she said a lot of things that give me little hope of any recovery of our relationship. She told me she lost respect for me, that she isn’t attracted to me anymore, and that spending time with him is like fireworks. She realizes that I am an excellent provider to her and our kids, but that she is not happy. She knows the newness will wear off, but is drawn to this guy. After she talked, I simply asked why she ever said she could date both of us. It doesn’t sound like that is even an option. She agreed. We did hug a few times and held hands at some times during our conversation. We did not kiss or have sex at all over the weekend and she told me that those are both off the table at this time.

I then told her that if I am just here to provide for her financial needs but we have no relationship, then it is time to start the process of legally separating. She didn’t want to do that but didn’t have a clear reason why. I explained that I was fairly sure that our state requires a minimum period of separation before we could proceed with getting a divorce. Given what she has said, I see no reason to drag this out. She doesn’t respect me, she isn’t stopping her affair with this guy, she isn’t around for me or the kids. She also has no regard for my feelings and no appreciation for everything I do for her. I believe that the best next step is to let her see what life will be like without me to rely on.

We haven’t told the kids yet, but we are all doing fine at home without her here.
 
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Iahotwifeshusband said:
I wanted to provide an update on my situation. My wife was back in Chicago last week from Friday through Friday. She came home last Friday, but went back Sunday afternoon and won’t be home again until this Friday.

I did learn that she spent Friday through midday Sunday with her new friend as well as Wednesday evening. I received little information or communication during this time. The information I did receive was either misleading or in some cases just plain false until I told her I knew she was lying. We talked little after that point.

One of our children had a weekend obligation out of town and I asked my wife to go along to support him. He rode along with another family to the event on Friday, so my wife and I could ride together. This gave us a couple of hours to talk without anyone around. To keep this short, we had a good talk, but she said a lot of things that give me little hope of any recovery of our relationship. She told me she lost respect for me, that she isn’t attracted to me anymore, and that spending time with him is like fireworks. She realizes that I am an excellent provider to her and our kids, but that she is not happy. She knows the newness will wear off, but is drawn to this guy. After she talked, I simply asked why she ever said she could date both of us. It doesn’t sound like that is even an option. She agreed. We did hug a few times and held hands at some times during our conversation. We did not kiss or have sex at all over the weekend and she told me that those are both off the table at this time.

I then told her that if I am just here to provide for her financial needs but we have no relationship, then it is time to start the process of legally separating. She didn’t want to do that but didn’t have a clear reason why. I explained that I was fairly sure that our state requires a minimum period of separation before we could proceed with getting a divorce. Given what she has said, I see no reason to drag this out. She doesn’t respect me, she isn’t stopping her affair with this guy, she isn’t around for me or the kids. She also has no regard for my feelings and no appreciation for everything I do for her. I believe that the best next step is to let her see what life will be like without me to rely on.

We haven’t told the kids yet, but we are all doing fine at home without her here.
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That's probably the best move at this time
 
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Iahotwifeshusband said:
I wanted to provide an update on my situation. My wife was back in Chicago last week from Friday through Friday. She came home last Friday, but went back Sunday afternoon and won’t be home again until this Friday.

I did learn that she spent Friday through midday Sunday with her new friend as well as Wednesday evening. I received little information or communication during this time. The information I did receive was either misleading or in some cases just plain false until I told her I knew she was lying. We talked little after that point.

One of our children had a weekend obligation out of town and I asked my wife to go along to support him. He rode along with another family to the event on Friday, so my wife and I could ride together. This gave us a couple of hours to talk without anyone around. To keep this short, we had a good talk, but she said a lot of things that give me little hope of any recovery of our relationship. She told me she lost respect for me, that she isn’t attracted to me anymore, and that spending time with him is like fireworks. She realizes that I am an excellent provider to her and our kids, but that she is not happy. She knows the newness will wear off, but is drawn to this guy. After she talked, I simply asked why she ever said she could date both of us. It doesn’t sound like that is even an option. She agreed. We did hug a few times and held hands at some times during our conversation. We did not kiss or have sex at all over the weekend and she told me that those are both off the table at this time.

I then told her that if I am just here to provide for her financial needs but we have no relationship, then it is time to start the process of legally separating. She didn’t want to do that but didn’t have a clear reason why. I explained that I was fairly sure that our state requires a minimum period of separation before we could proceed with getting a divorce. Given what she has said, I see no reason to drag this out. She doesn’t respect me, she isn’t stopping her affair with this guy, she isn’t around for me or the kids. She also has no regard for my feelings and no appreciation for everything I do for her. I believe that the best next step is to let her see what life will be like without me to rely on.

We haven’t told the kids yet, but we are all doing fine at home without her here.
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What you have described is the common, everyday cheater. She is not your hot wife anymore.
Of course she doesn’t want to legally separate. That would mean severing her financial support while she goes to get her tingles with her boyfriend.

If she won’t abide by the ground rules you two established, I agree it’s time to let her go. She is a garden variety cheater.

I wouldn’t be sure what will happen when the boyfriend looses the “showroom shine.” Will she suddenly respect you and find you attractive again? Maybe it will last, maybe it won’t. But her track record prior to you wasn’t that great, if I recall correctly. I would hope that for the sake of you and the kids that she doesn’t do a “posterior cranial extraction” anytime soon so you and the kids can move forward in a healthy way.
 
Im curious, did she lose respect for you because you two entered the life style? This sounds familar, because when something similar happened to me, I was seeved with divorce papers a week later.
 
I don’t know why she lost respect for me. I chose not to dig into it too much. I had pretty much given up on negotiating anything with her because it was her way or the highway. She says she likes how her new man takes charge. Let’s see how she feels when it’s something that matters. She doesn’t like being told what to do and I expect she will lose interest quickly. But the petals are gone from her flower for me. All I see are the thorns.

I have gained 25 lbs since Covid and was very depressed which I am sure is a factor. I had asked for more help with the kids and she wouldn’t step up. I fell physically better now than I have for a few years and figure it’s because I don’t have the pressure to please her anymore.

I am halfway back to my precovid weight already and have exercised daily for a couple of weeks now. It helps with stress and burns my excess energy. Things will be okay in the not so distant future.

I have always provided everything for my wife and asked for little in return. That ship has sailed. Good luck getting the new guy to kiss her ass when she has no hooks in him. Had it not been for kids, I would have not put up with her ...... either. There is nothing I won’t do to provide for my children.

Thanks for all the support guys!
 
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I read an article last night called “When to walk away after Infidelity: 7 signs it might be time to leave”. In the article, the sevens signs are:

1. Your partner doesn’t apologize. Technically, my partner has apologized, but it isn’t sincere and she tries to say it’s my fault it happened.
2. Your partner doesn’t want to get counseling. I have offered, she refused
3. Your partner doesn’t show desire to put in the work. Zero effort given, zero fucks given by her
4. They are still in touch with the person they cheated on you with. I agree that we are in a unique situation since she did have my support to fuck other guys. However, it became an affair the minute she prioritized him over me. She continues seeing him and has cut me off from all physical affection
5. Your partner doesn’t seem committed to the relationship. She is committed, just to their relationship, not ours.
6. They lie time and time again. (I know she’s lying because her lips are moving!)
7. The cheater won’t take responsibility and instead blame others. As mentioned above, she explained this is my fault for being out of shape and not present enough for her. I cannot begin to explain how involved I am in my family’s lives. My colleagues comment all the time on how they don’t understand how I keep up. Yet, for my wife, it’s never enough.

I think I have all 7 signs covered easily. The more I research and evaluate with facts vs feelings, the clearer everything becomes.
 
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Iahotwifeshusband said:
I read an article last night called “When to walk away after Infidelity: 7 signs it might be time to leave”. In the article, the sevens signs are:

1. Your partner doesn’t apologize. Technically, my partner has apologized, but it isn’t sincere and she tries to say it’s my fault it happened.
2. Your partner doesn’t want to get counseling. I have offered, she refused
3. Your partner doesn’t show desire to put in the work. Zero effort given, zero fucks given by her
4. They are still in touch with the person they cheated on you with. I agree that we are in a unique situation since she did have my support to fuck other guys. However, it became an affair the minute she prioritized him over me. She continues seeing him and has cut me off from all physical affection
5. Your partner doesn’t seem committed to the relationship. She is committed, just to their relationship, not ours.
6. They lie time and time again. (I know she’s lying because her lips are moving!)
7. The cheater won’t take responsibility and instead blame others. As mentioned above, she explained this is my fault for being out of shape and not present enough for her. I cannot begin to explain how involved I am in my family’s lives. My colleagues comment all the time on how they don’t understand how I keep up. Yet, for my wife, it’s never enough.

I think I have all 7 signs covered easily. The more I research and evaluate with facts vs feelings, the clearer everything becomes.
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When she blames you just say “I am sorry you feel that way. Since you are committing to someone outside the marriage, there is no reason for me to work on that now.”
 
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It's a different world today.
My parents divorced when I was very young. 4 sons went with mom. When we got to adolescents we were resentful against dad for not taking us because he knew she was crazy. As each of us got to about 16 we left mom and went to dad.
My ...... was always kept on the outskirts of my family for the rest of her life.
Don't relent in protecting your sons, this bitch is certifiably insane and out of control.
 
I will make sure my kids are loved and cared for. I can’t share too many personal details on here, but trust me when I say that I have everything going for me. I have always been super involved in every activity with my kids. From coaching multiple sports and clubs, to leading school activities and being involved in every aspect of my children’s lives. My wife has always picked and chose where and how she is involved. She is a far cry from an absent parent, but she isn’t nearly as active in their lives in any way.

I haven’t travelled for work in five years other than day trips. She continues to travel more and more and has the recent pattern of leaving on the weekend when she could have travelled just during the work week.

Beyond just being present, I am the stable parent and I have raised my kids to be thoughtful, caring children. They will have no problem articulating their thoughts to judges or advocates. I would also have no problem finding near endless references who have known me for decades and can speak to my character and the stability, love, and structure that I can provide to my children.

Her recent activities may not play a factor in division of assets, but may play a role in any custody discussions. It is one of the questions I will have when I get some legal help.
 
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Your complicity in her hotwifing wouldn't speak well to your character in court regarding kids. You're both sexual deviants (as the rest of us here) and that could easily negate all the other references and accomplishes you have.
 

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