Wife is afraid toys will feel too good

[had_couple]

This is sort of follow up from other threads. I'm seeing if I can get my wife, who has said no to toys on multiple occasions, to shift her view on them and try some toys.

Her stated reason for not wanting them is that she's afraid they'll be too good (especially vibrators) and that all she'll want is them. I don't think this is the case, and in any case, I don't mind what she likes as long as she's having a good time. Also, I was planning to start with butt plugs or dildos anyway, not vibrators.

Any advice on where to go from here? For now, I'm being gentle with this and hoping that time will be on my side.

 

[Joecde3vfr4]

This is sort of follow up from other threads. I'm seeing if I can get my wife, who has said no to toys on multiple occasions, to shift her view on them and try some toys.

Her stated reason for not wanting them is that she's afraid they'll be too good (especially vibrators) and that all she'll want is them. I don't think this is the case, and in any case, I don't mind what she likes as long as she's having a good time. Also, I was planning to start with butt plugs or dildos anyway, not vibrators.

Any advice on where to go from here? For now, I'm being gentle with this and hoping that time will be on my side.

Vibrators can really enhance both of your sex lives, but humans will always crave the real thing. Not just the real feeling of flesh but the intimate feeling of sharing an experience with another person.

You hear of vibrators desensitizing some women, but that is very rare and probably resulting from habitual addictive use.

I still suggest getting one that you can both enjoy, and introducing it as a gift to enhance her pleasure.

Try surprising her with a Lovense Lush while you are going down on her and she is feeling really good. While you are licking her clit, turn it on and slowly rub it on her lips and open hole. If she responds well keep stimulating her lips and hole until she is ready for you to slide it inside her. Then make sure you press it up to the back of her inner clit as you suck her to a squirting orgasm.

You can then fuck her with the lush still inside her for another incredible orgasm for both of you.

 

[had_couple]

Vibrators can really enhance both of your sex lives, but humans will always crave the real thing. Not just the real feeling of flesh but the intimate feeling of sharing an experience with another person.

You hear of vibrators desensitizing some women, but that is very rare and probably resulting from habitual addictive use.

I still suggest getting one that you can both enjoy, and introducing it as a gift to enhance her pleasure.

Try surprising her with a Lovense Lush while you are going down on her and she is feeling really good. While you are licking her clit, turn it on and slowly rub it on her lips and open hole. If she responds well keep stimulating her lips and hole until she is ready for you to slide it inside her. Then make sure you press it up to the back of her inner clit as you suck her to a squirting orgasm.

You can then fuck her with the lush still inside her for another incredible orgasm for both of you.

Thanks for the suggestion. Any reason to introduce a vibrator instead of a dildo? (again, while licking her clit)

 

[Joecde3vfr4]

Thanks for the suggestion. Any reason to introduce a vibrator instead of a dildo? (again, while licking her clit)

Mostly because the Lovense Lush is by far my wife’s favorite toy… I have caught her mastering on hidden camera dozens of times and it is her go to instead of the dildos I have bought her.

Plus I love that I can fuck my wife with the Lovense inside her. I can be all the way inside her and then pull the take towards her opening and she says she feels so full!

 

[majorem]

Thanks for the suggestion. Any reason to introduce a vibrator instead of a dildo? (again, while licking her clit)

Depends what you want out of it. If you want her to masturbate by herself, I think a vibrator is def the way to go. I don't think my wife has ever used a dildo on her own but she always keeps a vibrating toy in her bathroom drawer (she seems to like masturbating in the shower or bath). She only uses it on the outside / clit, though, so that is kind of mutually exclusive to oral sex. Vibrator can be good though to enhance sex if your wife has trouble cumming just from penetration (we do this sometimes when my wife has had a couple drinks and its harder for her to cum just from sex).

Unless you have a really small cock, I don't think your wife is going to find the dildo to be all that pleasurable by itself. In my experience, Dildo's are better for fantasy-play. It's more about what's going on in the mind than the actual feeling of the dildo. Usually, once my wife gets really turned on from some fantasy scenario using the dildo, she wants to get on my cock.

If you're just starting out and haven't outright told your wife about your fantasy, you can use the dildo without explicitly saying what it is you're fantasizing about and just leave it to her imagination. Watching some MFM porn where the woman has a spitroast, DP, etc, can help plant the right idea.

With my wife, I've done a couple scenarios that she finds hot. When she's really horny, she likes to get DPed with my cock and a dildo in her pussy and I'll talk dirty, asking her if she's a slut who needs two cocks, etc. Her favorite though is for us to 69, then I'll slip a dildo in her while she's blowing me, in a sort of simulated spitroast. When watching a spitroast porn one time she said "I don't see how that's fun for the woman" but then acting it out with a dildo she got super turned on. What really puts it over the top for her is I put a lot of "cum lube" on the dildo, then when she got so horny she needed to switch to real cock, her pussy was a wet mess, like she'd been creampied and I told her how her pussy felt like it had already been cummed in by "her friend" and asked if she wanted a second load in her pussy, which made her cum instantly.

Recently I got a big dildo with a suction cup that I stuck to the headboard of the bed. I told her I wanted to watch her fuck it while I masturbated and she really enjoyed that. She then wanted to suck my cock while she continued fucking the dildo and I made dirty talking, asking her if she liked getting fucked from behind while she sucked me off, which again made her want to climb on my cock so she could cum.

Since we did that, she's brought it up twice, saying how she wants to do that again and how hot it was. She admitted she imagines she's getting fucked from behind my a stranger, while she does it. 😏

 

[had_couple]

Depends what you want out of it. If you want her to masturbate by herself, I think a vibrator is def the way to go. I don't think my wife has ever used a dildo on her own but she always keeps a vibrating toy in her bathroom drawer (she seems to like masturbating in the shower or bath). She only uses it on the outside / clit, though, so that is kind of mutually exclusive to oral sex. Vibrator can be good though to enhance sex if your wife has trouble cumming just from penetration (we do this sometimes when my wife has had a couple drinks and its harder for her to cum just from sex).

Unless you have a really small cock, I don't think your wife is going to find the dildo to be all that pleasurable by itself. In my experience, Dildo's are better for fantasy-play. It's more about what's going on in the mind than the actual feeling of the dildo. Usually, once my wife gets really turned on from some fantasy scenario using the dildo, she wants to get on my cock.

If you're just starting out and haven't outright told your wife about your fantasy, you can use the dildo without explicitly saying what it is you're fantasizing about and just leave it to her imagination. Watching some MFM porn where the woman has a spitroast, DP, etc, can help plant the right idea.

With my wife, I've done a couple scenarios that she finds hot. When she's really horny, she likes to get DPed with my cock and a dildo in her pussy and I'll talk dirty, asking her if she's a slut who needs two cocks, etc. Her favorite though is for us to 69, then I'll slip a dildo in her while she's blowing me, in a sort of simulated spitroast. When watching a spitroast porn one time she said "I don't see how that's fun for the woman" but then acting it out with a dildo she got super turned on. What really puts it over the top for her is I put a lot of "cum lube" on the dildo, then when she got so horny she needed to switch to real cock, her pussy was a wet mess, like she'd been creampied and I told her how her pussy felt like it had already been cummed in by "her friend" and asked if she wanted a second load in her pussy, which made her cum instantly.

Recently I got a big dildo with a suction cup that I stuck to the headboard of the bed. I told her I wanted to watch her fuck it while I masturbated and she really enjoyed that. She then wanted to suck my cock while she continued fucking the dildo and I made dirty talking, asking her if she liked getting fucked from behind while she sucked me off, which again made her want to climb on my cock so she could cum.

Since we did that, she's brought it up twice, saying how she wants to do that again and how hot it was. She admitted she imagines she's getting fucked from behind my a stranger, while she does it. 😏

That's a good point. That makes a lot of sense that dildos need that fantasy component since they just aren't like the real thing. Especially given my prior experience with them...

 

[CuckmeCleveland]

‘…she's afraid they'll be too good.’

That’s not an argument AGAINST toys …

That’s an advertisement FOR them! 😂

 

[VixenCoupleTN]

Let me tell you ! I have a clit vibrator that actually sucks the clit in and out. It uses pulses of air and variable speed. We use this in so many ways. By myself when watching my husband with another, while he or someone else is actively licking me, while i have someones cock in me. Possibilities are wild. I am a squirter and highly orgasmic. Using this thing causes us a lot of flooding in bed. And no, it does not cause me to lose interest in getting cock, it highly intensifies it.

 

[had_couple]

Let me tell you ! I have a clit vibrator that actually sucks the clit in and out. It uses pulses of air and variable speed. We use this in so many ways. By myself when watching my husband with another, while he or someone else is actively licking me, while i have someones cock in me. Possibilities are wild. I am a squirter and highly orgasmic. Using this thing causes us a lot of flooding in bed. And no, it does not cause me to lose interest in getting cock, it highly intensifies it.

Oh! what's it called?

 

[coastalkid]

My wife has only had one toy she uses. Her go to favorite is her Hitachi Magic Wand. I say "go to" but she never uses it to masturbate on her own. So obviously it's not such a draw that she has to have it. She only uses it when we have sex. She'll have several orgasms with it regularly, sometimes as many as a dozen. It still hasn't translated into wanting to try a dildo or her using it on her own.

People are different. I'm sure you've mentioned how she would know if she liked it "too much" without trying it first. I'm also pretty sure asking her that didn't go anywhere either.

 

[coastalkid]

Let me tell you ! I have a clit vibrator that actually sucks the clit in and out. It uses pulses of air and variable speed. We use this in so many ways. By myself when watching my husband with another, while he or someone else is actively licking me, while i have someones cock in me. Possibilities are wild. I am a squirter and highly orgasmic. Using this thing causes us a lot of flooding in bed. And no, it does not cause me to lose interest in getting cock, it highly intensifies it.

Are you talking about a "Womanizer"? I'm pretty sure you are. I've thought a lot about getting one of those for my wife. I think she might like it. They aren't huge or loud from what I've read. My wife loves her Hitachi Magic Wand. I think she might be receptive to the Womanizer. Do you use any other toys, or is this your "go to" toy?

 

[BarebackWife]

I have a big box full of toys, vibrators and dildos don’t really do much to enhance play. I do have a giant double ended rubbery ‘doubledong’ that is incredibly fat, it feels quite nice to insert it while playing with my clit as it feels nice when squeezing my pelvic floor muscles as I cum.

Everyone is unique, but I don’t think you need to worry about most women preferring toys over the real thing. My toys are more for putting on a show for the men in my life or occasionally when I have gone a long time without any good sex.

Like most women, I rarely cum during penetration, I need clit stimulation to cum, so the only toy I have that I actually get out regularly is a toy that sucks my clit, I often have 2 or 3 lovely O’s using that while hubby is fast asleep next to me.

 

[had_couple]

Update: Got a lovense vibe and surprised her with it when I was fingering her. In short, this didn't over well.

I should have discussed it with her before instead of surprising her. Because she wasn't expecting it, she just thought it felt weird instead of pleasurable.

So, I don't recommend this approach to anyone else in my situation.

However, after talking about it some and telling her more about when I thought it would be fun to use, especially in the bath, her distaste for it slowly gave way to curiosity. I also made it very clear that what I wanted was for HER to feel more pleasure and that I didn't want anything else, like anal or the like. I also explained that I had researched her concerns on the internet and found that she had no reason to worry. So, it sounds like maybe we'll try using it again some time, but not real soon.

But hey, I broke the ice and the door isn't totally shut, so that's good. But it was certainly clumsy.

One thing I realized is that she disliked toys largely because she thought of them as "other" instead of an extension of me. And she currently "only wants me." It seems that she's open to changing her view on this, but it likely is a roadblock to introducing dildos since the play with those is even more like another is involved. Even assuming that can be overcome, giving her a hallpass probably won't be received all that well, so who knows... I may have to just come right out with the hall pass idea to let that sink in before any further toy or fantasy play can happen.

 

[coastalkid]

Update: Got a lovense vibe and surprised her with it when I was fingering her. In short, this didn't over well.

I should have discussed it with her before instead of surprising her. Because she wasn't expecting it, she just thought it felt weird instead of pleasurable.

So, I don't recommend this approach to anyone else in my situation.

However, after talking about it some and telling her more about when I thought it would be fun to use, especially in the bath, her distaste for it slowly gave way to curiosity. I also made it very clear that what I wanted was for HER to feel more pleasure and that I didn't want anything else, like anal or the like. I also explained that I had researched her concerns on the internet and found that she had no reason to worry. So, it sounds like maybe we'll try using it again some time, but not real soon.

But hey, I broke the ice and the door isn't totally shut, so that's good. But it was certainly clumsy.

One thing I realized is that she disliked toys largely because she thought of them as "other" instead of an extension of me. And she currently "only wants me." It seems that she's open to changing her view on this, but it likely is a roadblock to introducing dildos since the play with those is even more like another is involved. Even assuming that can be overcome, giving her a hallpass probably won't be received all that well, so who knows... I may have to just come right out with the hall pass idea to let that sink in before any further toy or fantasy play can happen.

Been there, done that, same results. I too bought my wife a Lovense Vibe as a surprise. It didn't go over well either. She didn't get upset or anything. She just didn't care for it. She doesn't seem to like any toy that is inserted in her. Her tried and true Hitachi Magic Wand is her one and only. I keep hoping that something or some toy will "click" with her and she'll get inspired by it.

Despite several failures and an obvious pattern of being indifferent (closer to outright objection) for any type of sexual toy I can't help but think I just haven't found the "right" toy. A lot of the issue/problem seems to originate from my known preoccupation with sex and her ambivalent indifference toward sex in general. We have a classic stalemate. I like and want more and kinkier sex and she has shown that she doesn't. She admitted the other day that she knows I need sex more often and she simply doesn't.

Our dynamic has set up a classic example of repression that pushes us apart sexually more than it draws us together. It makes me think of how parents vilify certain behaviors and their kids become attracted to those behaviors because of the repression (ie see preacher's kids). The more my wife rejects anything that falls outside the boundaries of "traditional", the more I want them. I've had plenty of time to try suppressing my own desire(s) but I haven't really succeeded in doing so. I keep hoping something will "flip that switch".

And, just like you, I broke the ice and the door isn't totally shut. I'm far from being encouraged but I'm also not completely discouraged either. To her credit, she has become more aware that her reaction to my needing and wanting more out of our sex life influences my overall demeanor. Whenever my optimism gets low I tend to become ambivalent and disinterested too.

Sometimes her intransigent fortitude has left me feeling defeated and hopeless. She has finally discovered that her being comfortable with her indifference does not transfer to me. I get moody. I'm not as upbeat. I go into a shell. I lose my enthusiasm for other things that I normally enjoy. My behavior is obvious to her and everyone. When she recognizes that I'm in "that place" she knows it's ultimately about sex. I can tell she prefers the happy, upbeat me and she tries to relax her attitude.

I can say that things for us are better than they've ever been. We talk more often about sex but never in a comfortable way. She's been willing to change some. She knows I find the hot wife scenario exciting. I've told her out loud. She's firmly in the "never gonna happen" camp. At my request has begun to incorporate "dirty talk" while having sex, making little hot wife type comments. That has kind of broken more ice and lead to more and better sex for us both.

I still can't let go of a toy helping to flip that switch. I'm eyeing the "womanizer". I've read lots of women use it as their "go to" toy. Sometimes I feel foolish but I can't help[ myself.

 

[TheDrkKnight]

My wife has quite a few toys but her wand and clit sucker are her go to toys. She typically doesnt cum without them unless I can last a long time which doesnt happen often. Maybe try just getting her a wand or a rabbit dildo and surprise her with it. Worst she can say is no but then stick it in her nightstand and im willing to bet she gives it a try maybe without you around.

 

[SexualOptions]

This is sort of follow up from other threads. I'm seeing if I can get my wife, who has said no to toys on multiple occasions, to shift her view on them and try some toys.

Her stated reason for not wanting them is that she's afraid they'll be too good (especially vibrators) and that all she'll want is them. I don't think this is the case, and in any case, I don't mind what she likes as long as she's having a good time. Also, I was planning to start with butt plugs or dildos anyway, not vibrators.

Any advice on where to go from here? For now, I'm being gentle with this and hoping that time will be on my side.

I fought toys for the longest, vibes even longer. My husband always reminded me that sometimes a couple needs sexual options. When one is gone, tired, sick, working to much, schedules don't match up, you need a quickie, road trips, hotel sex, in the woods, in the backseat, the shower, at the gym, in the stands, parking, when one orgasms well before the other, When one wants more than one orgasm, when you want to orgasm quicker, when wanting bigger orgasms, multi orgasms, dual orgasms, there are so many times when toys come in handy. The list goes on. As we added them slowly, sex became better. When we added vibes, it was like explosions, fast, many, multi, massive. I can have those but never ever this quick. Toys have enhanced out sex life in so many ways. My husband was correct in saying the visual of it alone is worth it but there is much much more. When a man is not on his game, performance is not happening at a high level unless there are some additions added to the mix. It's wonderful to never have to be concerned with a flop. 🙂 We are both having orgasms no matter what!

 

[coastalkid]

I fought toys for the longest, vibes even longer. My husband always reminded me that sometimes a couple needs sexual options. When one is gone, tired, sick, working to much, schedules don't match up, you need a quickie, road trips, hotel sex, in the woods, in the backseat, the shower, at the gym, in the stands, parking, when one orgasms well before the other, When one wants more than one orgasm, when you want to orgasm quicker, when wanting bigger orgasms, multi orgasms, dual orgasms, there are so many times when toys come in handy. The list goes on. As we added them slowly, sex became better. When we added vibes, it was like explosions, fast, many, multi, massive. I can have those but never ever this quick. Toys have enhanced out sex life in so many ways. My husband was correct in saying the visual of it alone is worth it but there is much much more. When a man is not on his game, performance is not happening at a high level unless there are some additions added to the mix. It's wonderful to never have to be concerned with a flop. 🙂 We are both having orgasms no matter what!

What was it that held you back for so long? What was it that finally made you decide to give it a try? Did you start with vibrators? Do you have a "go to" toy?

 

[coastalkid]

My wife has quite a few toys but her wand and clit sucker are her go to toys. She typically doesnt cum without them unless I can last a long time which doesnt happen often. Maybe try just getting her a wand or a rabbit dildo and surprise her with it. Worst she can say is no but then stick it in her nightstand and im willing to bet she gives it a try maybe without you around.

I'm curious about the "clit sucker" is it the "womanizer"?

 

[Mxfunguy]

It’s hard for woman to enjoy toys if they have that mental block of even trying it

 

[TheDrkKnight]

I'm curious about the "clit sucker" is it the "womanizer"?

Im not entirely sure. It is like an L shape and has a round hole that sucks the clit. Wife absolutely loves it.