She wants to……. BUT!!!

[Want2swing]

Wife and I have been together 10 years. She’s a few years younger. She’s about to turn 40. She has teenaged kids from previous marriage.

We’ve discussed it, numerous times. She has always said she’s into it. Swinging, basically. I’m bisexual. No desire to be a cuckold, more of a stag who’s bi.

Anyway, as we’ve planned it out…. A few months down the road, when we’d get close, she’d change her mind. Say she only agreed to it for me, etc. We went to a swingers club, and I watched her from a distance blow another guy for a few mins. I was EXTREMELY turned on. But after that she cooled again. She told me much later she had cried feeling she’d cheated by blowing that guy. I did the right thing and reassured the ...... out of her. Told her how sexy she was. But now we’re in a probably never going to happen place.

When asked, she thinks it hot. She says if she were younger, and not a mom, and not approaching 40, she’d be way into it. I told her that why does that matter? Moms can be sexy. Moms can have sex. Moms can be slutty. Who cares if I enjoy those things with her?

We’ve agreed to discuss it all again at some point. But how can I speak to her and encourage her to follow through with her desires? How can I get her to see that we can make our own rules?

 

[arltxstagnvixen]

Some things are deeply ingrained.
There are some concepts that a person can overcome. And there are some that a person cannot overcome.
Getting to the Root Cause of a feeling is usually the best way to address having that feeling at all.
What causes her to feel like she cheated in spite of your reassurances?
Understanding that can go a long way toward how she really feels about it.

The same applies to you. She cried. That is significant in demonstrating the things that Matter To Her.
So even as you consider what matters to you... you also must consider what matters to and is good for her.

Building a strong bond and a bond of trust is a great way to develop your relationship.

Undoubtedly, there is much in her history that has influenced her into being who and what she is today. Reviewing that history and examining those influences can slowly help a person question the merit of some influences. Question their validity.
There can come a time when a person can walk out of their history and begin defining themselves by today instead of yesterday. In making that journey together, you can examine your own history.
It Must go both ways... this is not all about One person.
In examining these things, you may also recognize when you hear her words biased by your own wants.
Go for brutal honesty.
And believe it or not...
One of the Best Things you Can Do is reassure her that it is OK is she does not want to swing.
By reassuring her that she is in control of that choice, she can examine it as her own idea, instead of it being a factor to please you. She can determine for HerSelf, by herself, of herself what she truly wants.

 

[Tof82]

Love you

 

[Tof82]

Wife and I have been together 10 years. She’s a few years younger. She’s about to turn 40. She has teenaged kids from previous marriage.

We’ve discussed it, numerous times. She has always said she’s into it. Swinging, basically. I’m bisexual. No desire to be a cuckold, more of a stag who’s bi.

Anyway, as we’ve planned it out…. A few months down the road, when we’d get close, she’d change her mind. Say she only agreed to it for me, etc. We went to a swingers club, and I watched her from a distance blow another guy for a few mins. I was EXTREMELY turned on. But after that she cooled again. She told me much later she had cried feeling she’d cheated by blowing that guy. I did the right thing and reassured the ...... out of her. Told her how sexy she was. But now we’re in a probably never going to happen place.

When asked, she thinks it hot. She says if she were younger, and not a mom, and not approaching 40, she’d be way into it. I told her that why does that matter? Moms can be sexy. Moms can have sex. Moms can be slutty. Who cares if I enjoy those things with her?

We’ve agreed to discuss it all again at some point. But how can I speak to her and encourage her to follow through with her desires? How can I get her to see that we can make our own rules?

Xx

 

[Want2swing]

I’m planning to dive into her historical biases and we’ve done that a little. She examined it from a new perspective and said she’d think about it. We didn’t discuss it again for months, and then when we did again, it was a no. It seemed she hadn’t really considered it.

She’s into girls. But doesn’t feel like it’s a “have to have tried it”. She’d like to suck cock with me, maybe have an MMF. But doesn’t feel like it’s a “have to have” type of thing. For her it’s a “I’d like to try but moms/wives/40 year olds don’t act that way”.

I also have ALWAYS told her it’s not something we ever have to do, as you suggest. I’ve occasionally brought it up “ (every 6 ish months). She’s willing to discuss. Interestingly, last time we headed down the road to swinging, it was her who initiated the conversation. And also her who got cold feet.

What I truly need her to understand is this: I love her. I don’t want to coerce her. I don’t want to manipulate her. I want her to live her self expressed fantasies, and in so doing, live mine as well. If she were to tell me it’s a hard no, I’d accept it, and choose to be with her for the rest of my life. She’s that special to me. Anyway, that’s where I’m at now.

 

[arltxstagnvixen]

If she were to tell me it’s a hard no, I’d accept it, and choose to be with her for the rest of my life. She’s that special to me. Anyway, that’s where I’m at now.

Have you said those actual expressions to her?
If so, you are doing well.
And you are right... You two may Never Really fill the fantasy. But uh... so?
I have a fantasy that I can fly like superman. I accepted long ago... in childhood really... that it can only ever be a fantasy.
What gives hotwifing the appeal is the apparent attainability of it.

But if you two enjoy the fantasy together alone... and explore it together alone for a while... it may help you feel better about appreciating the fun of the fantasy without the deep need to make it real...
And help her open herself up to it more and allow herself to feel more comfortable with it since it was safely handled up until that point.
This puts you both in a healthier position by increasing your bond in eachother.
And by allowing each of you more room to consider where you stand. You are better off if she DID put her foot down and just say no, since you have enjoyed her side of it. She is better off if she says "definite yes" since you both worked through it together and it is no longer a demand.

To add a little clarity to what I long-winded above...
The more you desire the fantasy - the more that can actually create fear in her. The more calm you are with it and open minded about it, the safer she will feel about being open minded about it.

 

[Want2swing]

Thanks very much for the insightful reply. I’m going to just continue to be patient, and mention it occasionally.

One thing I should mention…. We do role play occasionally with a dildo being another guy and we both suck “him” and I kiss her while he fucks her. She is WAY cool with that. Making it real is where the hesitation is.

 

[Tof82]

Thanks very much for the insightful reply. I’m going to just continue to be patient, and mention it occasionally.

One thing I should mention…. We do role play occasionally with a dildo being another guy and we both suck “him” and I kiss her while he fucks her. She is WAY cool with that. Making it real is where the hesitation is.

Amazing

 

[arltxstagnvixen]

Making it real is where the hesitation is.

That is to be expected, really. It's a big step. But she already initiated the topic herself.
If she changed her mind after having some fears, that too, is normal.
If she were pushed into at that point; it could have been traumatic.
So, you're doing fine.

 

[ragnar124]

Wife and I have been together 10 years. She’s a few years younger. She’s about to turn 40. She has teenaged kids from previous marriage.

We’ve discussed it, numerous times. She has always said she’s into it. Swinging, basically. I’m bisexual. No desire to be a cuckold, more of a stag who’s bi.

Anyway, as we’ve planned it out…. A few months down the road, when we’d get close, she’d change her mind. Say she only agreed to it for me, etc. We went to a swingers club, and I watched her from a distance blow another guy for a few mins. I was EXTREMELY turned on. But after that she cooled again. She told me much later she had cried feeling she’d cheated by blowing that guy. I did the right thing and reassured the ...... out of her. Told her how sexy she was. But now we’re in a probably never going to happen place.

When asked, she thinks it hot. She says if she were younger, and not a mom, and not approaching 40, she’d be way into it. I told her that why does that matter? Moms can be sexy. Moms can have sex. Moms can be slutty. Who cares if I enjoy those things with her?

We’ve agreed to discuss it all again at some point. But how can I speak to her and encourage her to follow through with her desires? How can I get her to see that we can make our own rules?

Prep a man to flirt with her and leave them alone for a while.

 

[Want2swing]

Thanks for the advice. And thanks for the idea Ragnar!

 

[Hotwifelove]

Wife and I have been together 10 years. She’s a few years younger. She’s about to turn 40. She has teenaged kids from previous marriage.

We’ve discussed it, numerous times. She has always said she’s into it. Swinging, basically. I’m bisexual. No desire to be a cuckold, more of a stag who’s bi.

Anyway, as we’ve planned it out…. A few months down the road, when we’d get close, she’d change her mind. Say she only agreed to it for me, etc. We went to a swingers club, and I watched her from a distance blow another guy for a few mins. I was EXTREMELY turned on. But after that she cooled again. She told me much later she had cried feeling she’d cheated by blowing that guy. I did the right thing and reassured the ...... out of her. Told her how sexy she was. But now we’re in a probably never going to happen place.

When asked, she thinks it hot. She says if she were younger, and not a mom, and not approaching 40, she’d be way into it. I told her that why does that matter? Moms can be sexy. Moms can have sex. Moms can be slutty. Who cares if I enjoy those things with her?

We’ve agreed to discuss it all again at some point. But how can I speak to her and encourage her to follow through with her desires? How can I get her to see that we can make our own rules?

I Hate to say it...it is not for everyone...I was so nervous at my first mfm that I really did not enjoy it...we talked about and my husband reassured me...he made hot love to me and wanted to try again....we did this time.i did not think....I just enjoyed the attention from two horny men. I made both of them cum three times..
I came many times too. the rest is hot wife history