First Time Was Not Good

[Hwcouple702]

I do appreciate all the feedback. Right now I'm just very confused and trying to figure things out. I've cooled off a little bit since it all first happened and I don't want to do anything that is going to ruin my friendship and marriage but I'm still not sure how to proceed. Losing my friend would be one thing but losing the love of my life and the ...... of my kids is another so I'm trying to stay as calm as I can as I try to figure out a way to work through this with my wife. I still haven't reached out to my friend because I want to talk this out with my wife first but we haven't really had a calm discussion about it. I realize some of this is my fault because I am the one who started this whole thing so I have realized and accepted that part of it but it still hurts and messes with my emotions when I continue to dwell on it.

Why would you LET this continue to "mess with your emotions"? It's in your power to simply let this go and continue on as if nothing ever happened. Your wife got the ...... fucked out of her and she enjoyed it. It happened, there's not a thing you can do about it now. Just let it go. If you still haven't "worked through this" with your wife after this amount of time then you aren't going to do so. This was JUST SEX. PERIOD. Not like you have become accustomed to, but it's still just a man and your wife had sex. That's all it is really, no big deal. YOU are making it a big deal. There really is no "fault" to go around. They had sex and they enjoyed it. Now it's either over or it's not. If it's not, end it. If you want it to continue, let it. Just be rational and cut out all of this emotional garbage over the issue. Just act like nothing happened when you talk to your friend, everything normal. Do the same with your wife and LET THIS GO, or you could lose her over something as stupid as this. It's JUST SEX! I think, if nothing else, you've absolutely made it 100% certain that she's NEVER going to have any adventurous sex with your knowledge anymore. "The lifestyle" is OVER for you, you ARE NOT CUT OUT FOR IT! Jerk off to porn or something, find a girl to fuck on the side, do something besides making your wife miserable and yourself miserable. She may or may not continue to have sex outside of the marriage now. Probably she will not ever want anything to do with it. But you may not be able to stop her if she does.

 

[Wifehot68]

I finally spoke with my wife to try to understand all of this. I asked her why she let this continue and didn't stop it when she had the chances to. She told me she originally had a lot of mixed emotions and that she was too nervous and overwhelmed to stop it. She said although she was taken back by how rough and aggressive he was she also wanted to try to see the experience through.

She said after a while she was able to settle her nerves and began to get into it. She said she actually began to enjoy most of it and the slapping, hair yanking, spitting, verbal humiliation, etc. didn't bother her and parts of it turned her on. She said the facefucking also didn't bother her until she vomited. So I asked her why she didn't stop and she didn't really give me a direct answer.

I told her my feelings and let her know that I stopped talking to my friend and then she told me that she's been texting with him and then I kind of lost it. She was sticking up for him and trying to tell me to reach out to him. I grabbed her phone and went through her texts and got pissed when I saw tons of texts between them. They were talking about the sex and he was sending her pictures and videos he took from it which was a lot of degrading ....... And then he was asking about our sex life. It was all inappropriate. He asked her if she wanted to do it again, if he could be even rougher, if she would want him to bring in more guys, if he could ******** on her and drink it and she was just agreeing to everything.

And in the texts I saw a text about something that happened when I had left the room and he shut the door. I didn't know what it was so I asked my wife and she said she didn't know or remember or whatever. It's obviously bullshit so now there is just tons of lying.

I'm pissed off at my friend for the way he treated my wife. I'm pissed off at my wife for lying to me. And now I'm pissed off at myself because I'm the one who started this whole thing.

I hope this won’t create any clash between all of you… I agree with what you said and how you felt ..it is hard, it seems communication before this might have helped to avert some of these unexpected happenings…a man is a man and your friend it seems , he puts his pleasure first and doesn’t care much about how you feel as long as he gets what he wanted…your wife it seems is going along with him, and I am hoping she will stick by you, rather than go with her pleasure and ignore you…best of luck ..

 

[JMS36]

Why would you LET this continue to "mess with your emotions"? It's in your power to simply let this go and continue on as if nothing ever happened. Your wife got the ...... fucked out of her and she enjoyed it. It happened, there's not a thing you can do about it now. Just let it go. If you still haven't "worked through this" with your wife after this amount of time then you aren't going to do so. This was JUST SEX. PERIOD. Not like you have become accustomed to, but it's still just a man and your wife had sex. That's all it is really, no big deal. YOU are making it a big deal. There really is no "fault" to go around. They had sex and they enjoyed it. Now it's either over or it's not. If it's not, end it. If you want it to continue, let it. Just be rational and cut out all of this emotional garbage over the issue. Just act like nothing happened when you talk to your friend, everything normal. Do the same with your wife and LET THIS GO, or you could lose her over something as stupid as this. It's JUST SEX! I think, if nothing else, you've absolutely made it 100% certain that she's NEVER going to have any adventurous sex with your knowledge anymore. "The lifestyle" is OVER for you, you ARE NOT CUT OUT FOR IT! Jerk off to porn or something, find a girl to fuck on the side, do something besides making your wife miserable and yourself miserable. She may or may not continue to have sex outside of the marriage now. Probably she will not ever want anything to do with it. But you may not be able to stop her if she does.

I agree with most of this. You have to let this ...... go. It's not worth letting it eat at you. And you need to face the reality that you're wife and buddy are not to blame for this. However I don't think you can just "go back to normal" without addressing it with your wife and friend. It'll continue to be the elephant in the room for a long time and will come up again. I think you need to have a real conversation with your wife about what she actually wants sexually and how she feels about all of this. Maybe she'll never want to do it again or maybe she'll want it all the time. Make her feel comfortable to talk about it so she can be honest with you and not have to worry about hurting your feelings.

I also don't think the lifestyle has to necessarily be over for you. It was your first time and the first time always consists of a lot of different emotions. Your first time was also with your friend, far more extreme than anything you've probably experienced, and shocked you a bit. It's not uncommon for a first time to feel upset or weird but you have to get past that. Time and more experience usually helps. But you really need to communicate better. That was the biggest mistake of this entire thing. Being upset he didn't use a condom but never telling him to wear one. Being upset he was rough with your wife but she liked it. Being upset he was taking pictures but you didn't tell him not to or stop him. You need to communicate better all around.

You also need to patch up your relationship with your friend because you shouldn't have shut him out right away. I think there is probably some jealousy you're feeling as well because he may have filled a sexual need or hers that you couldn't.

 

[Craigatore]

I agree with most of this. You have to let this ...... go. It's not worth letting it eat at you. And you need to face the reality that you're wife and buddy are not to blame for this. However I don't think you can just "go back to normal" without addressing it with your wife and friend. It'll continue to be the elephant in the room for a long time and will come up again. I think you need to have a real conversation with your wife about what she actually wants sexually and how she feels about all of this. Maybe she'll never want to do it again or maybe she'll want it all the time. Make her feel comfortable to talk about it so she can be honest with you and not have to worry about hurting your feelings.

I also don't think the lifestyle has to necessarily be over for you. It was your first time and the first time always consists of a lot of different emotions. Your first time was also with your friend, far more extreme than anything you've probably experienced, and shocked you a bit. It's not uncommon for a first time to feel upset or weird but you have to get past that. Time and more experience usually helps. But you really need to communicate better. That was the biggest mistake of this entire thing. Being upset he didn't use a condom but never telling him to wear one. Being upset he was rough with your wife but she liked it. Being upset he was taking pictures but you didn't tell him not to or stop him. You need to communicate better all around.

You also need to patch up your relationship with your friend because you shouldn't have shut him out right away. I think there is probably some jealousy you're feeling as well because he may have filled a sexual need or hers that you couldn't.

That's one of the best answer of the whole thread. Props to you. I want to add that they have three children. The fact that the wife's media is out there doesn't feel right. Secondly, the wife and the friend did him dirty, they were ready for another more extreme session without telling anything the husband. That's cheating and it leads to a bad end...

 

[Nakednerds]

This person provided as extreme case but we have had the men in a relationship get bent out of shape during swinging. It just doesn't meet their expectation. What they envisioned in their own heads was controlled by them. What really happened wasn't quite the same. One of them got very angry because of a kiss with no sex. She kissed more passionately than he expected. Another with just some very mild soft swap. As soon as we find out that one of the couple doesn't like it, we do not see them again. There are many men and women willing to play. There is no reason to push people into uncomfortable positions (unless they specifically ask for that, : )). And no reason to stick with people who can't play within your own boundaries.

For us we talk about every single encounter with her lovers. What she liked and what she doesn't like. This has been our habit from the beginning. My job is to make sure she doesn't get hurt and that everything goes well. She likes to be ordered around during sex and I recognize her boundaries because we talk about it. The men she is alone with (me not present) are repeat lovers that we know well and we both agree to it. That rule, like all our "rules", is like the pirates code. More or less a guideline rather than an actual rule.

I have never had to intervene because of bad behavior but I certainly would and I believe my demeanor makes that clear. I can role play with the best of them but in the end I will protect my wife. I know my wife well enough to know when she is having a good time and when she is genuinely distressed. As long as she is OK with it she can do whatever she wants and put up with whatever she wants. The key here for me is "what she wants". I am not there for the sake of the man she is with or my own. I don't care if he has a good time or not.

With dozens of lovers and multiple dates we have only thrown one person out. He would not shut up about politics even though warned multiple times by both of us. He should have done that after sex not before. My wife marched him to the door and we have never seen him again. The tables were turned. She usually likes to be dominated but apparently not about politics. : )

 

[XavierViktoria]

In this case, it seems to me that neither of the couple enjoyed any of this. This was sexual violence, period.
If I'm honest, reading an account like this makes me feel my wife and I are on the wrong site. Call me naive, but throat fucking a woman until she vomits is just pure woman-hating bullshit.

Ok. As a Dom I'd like to give my 2 cents. There is nothing wrong with your wife and she is still the same woman you love and married all those years ago. Your friend did nothing to her that she didn't want to participate in or ultimately enjoy. You have a very Madonna like view of your wife which is great. I am sure she deserves to be adored like she is and you do. However, sometimes a woman doesn't want to be adored and put on a pedestal. Sometimes they want something more primal and basic. She obviously did and now she wants to experience it again. Many high powered executives are submissive in the bedroom. It's their chance to let go of the burden of responsibility and just experience with no consequences. Your wife carries the load of being that Madonna to you and probably the image of the perfect mom/wife/marriage whatever. She is a sub. She probably can't be sub to you because her relationship with you is too far away from that. So now that she's experienced sub in it more extreme form she wants more of that release.

Here's where it's going wrong. Your friend should not be going behind your back. He should have realized you were not OK. That is on him
Your wife should not be going behind your back. She should have the same realization as well.

You should not have cut off communication with your friend. You need to have a serious talk with him. Expect him to say uncomfortable things about your wife and how he enjoyed it.

Then you need to decide if you can
1) be the Dom to her sub and control her and therefore the situation or
2) be the cuck and accept she needs something you can't give her. This is why many men become cucks in the first place there is no shame in this path.
Once you decide this you need to discuss with your wife frankly all the feeling you have and had. Expect tears. From there you two move forward however is best for you both. Then you and her both explain how it's going to be to your friend. But mark my words, the genie is out of the bottle. You can rage and get mad but you will lose her. She is not going to forget or even want to forget being used like that. She liked every bit of it even being throat fucked until she pukes.

There are a few ladies on here who can help with the woman's perspective of being used like that and how they can't be sub to their husband. I recommend you seek them out for their input. I won't tag them in out of respect for them. If you want to talk privately send me a PM.

Obviously, the third option is to ditch the wife. If she wants to be degraded, so be it. No reason at all that he has to either be the “dom” or allow her to be dominated by anyone else while still remaining married to him. Zero reason he has to do either. There are plenty of women who don’t want or “need” to be degraded like that.

 

[XavierViktoria]

I do appreciate all the feedback. Right now I'm just very confused and trying to figure things out. I've cooled off a little bit since it all first happened and I don't want to do anything that is going to ruin my friendship and marriage but I'm still not sure how to proceed. Losing my friend would be one thing but losing the love of my life and the ...... of my kids is another so I'm trying to stay as calm as I can as I try to figure out a way to work through this with my wife. I still haven't reached out to my friend because I want to talk this out with my wife first but we haven't really had a calm discussion about it. I realize some of this is my fault because I am the one who started this whole thing so I have realized and accepted that part of it but it still hurts and messes with my emotions when I continue to dwell on

 

[XavierViktoria]

I totally understand where you are coming from. But you should’ve been more assertive at the time. If it was ok with your twisted “friend” and your wife, that’s one thing, but if it was not ok with you, you should’ve stopped it immediately, period.

Also, it is obvious that everyone in this scenario fucked up. Your “friend”, your wife, and you. Everyone totally failed at communication. Your “buddy” made assumptions and went way way way too far. He made your wife ......, twice! For that alone, he deserves a beating. Your wife probably had feelings for him before this event ever started (remember, she picked him…why not a stranger instead) and then went behind your back with texting this piece of ....... And you were simply not assertive.

My opinion is ditch the “friend”. Make a new friend. This guy should feel lucky to be above ground.

You may be able to patch things up with your wife…if you both actually love each other and are willing to make the compromises and express the forgiveness that true love always requires.

 

[Craigatore]

I totally understand where you are coming from. But you should’ve been more assertive at the time. If it was ok with your twisted “friend” and your wife, that’s one thing, but if it was not ok with you, you should’ve stopped it immediately, period.

Also, it is obvious that everyone in this scenario fucked up. Your “friend”, your wife, and you. Everyone totally failed at communication. Your “buddy” made assumptions and went way way way too far. He made your wife ......, twice! For that alone, he deserves a beating. Your wife probably had feelings for him before this event ever started (remember, she picked him…why not a stranger instead) and then went behind your back with texting this piece of ....... And you were simply not assertive.

My opinion is ditch the “friend”. Make a new friend. This guy should feel lucky to be above ground.

You may be able to patch things up with your wife…if you both actually love each other and are willing to make the compromises and express the forgiveness that true love always requires.

No way, as you said she had feeling for him. Unlike men, women need some sort of emotional attachment for sex. She has cheated the husband by planning more with him on the back.

 

[ftandhubby]

I read this thread with interest and then went back and re-read the original post.
I'm sure it has to have occurred to others that perhaps the reason she chose this friend to spice things up is because she had fucked him before.
It also got me thinking about the guys who have been lucky enough to fuck my wife and will never be invited back. First one that came to mind was a guy that unexpectedly came all over her face without asking and without apology. My wife felt it was rude. No more pussy for him. Hope the original poster works it out.

 

[dickhurtz]

during discussions with my wife, decades after we met, she told me she likes it a little on the rough side. that is something i could not do. i, just, do not have it in me.

this is one of the reasons wives need more than one man in their life.

i hope it works out for this couple.

 

[John1521]

Thanks for everyone's advice. My wife and I had a very productive conversation about what happened. At the end of it we realized that first time nerves, exposure to an unfamiliar situation, and lack of communication contributed to all of this. We do want to move things forward and take this as a learning experience. I did learn that my wife enjoyed a lot of the rough sex and humiliation which I accept and did not judge. I do plan to make amends with our friend and my wife is open to another sexual experience with him although she is also fine if we went with someone else. I am still thinking about whether or not I want to be there to see it. We discussed me not being present in the room, watching on a camera, listening through the door, or just hearing about it after. Overall we haven't figured this out yet. I believe I would be OK not being present but then I worry about her own safety. Either way we have a lot to still work out but believe communication is key.

 

[radnorjen01]

Whatever you choose to do, remember that your wife's physical and psychological wellbeing is your top priority - closely followed by your own. Good luck. I hope you both find fulfillment and happiness - because that is the object of the whole exercise.

 

[Luvs2watchher]

Personally John if you are going to try again id do it sooner rather than later or you will just build anxiety. Once you know your wife is safe and has enjoyed herself and you also you will feel much better and relaxed and also try less rough sex with someone and see how you both like things x

 

[dickhurtz]

Our first time not great. She enjoyed it at first but the weed kicked in or something in her drinks.

They starting using her in ways she said no to.

Her problem after she said was she had multiple orgasms even when crying.

can you elaborate on this post? was she ......? raped? scared? how did it get out of hand?

were you there or did she tell you what happened?

 

[ep46wksp]

Our first time not great. She enjoyed it at first but the weed kicked in or something in her drinks.

They starting using her in ways she said no to.

Her problem after she said was she had multiple orgasms even when crying.

wow so she didnt enjoy it but still came loads, didnt put her off then?

 

[ep46wksp]

She spent night

even though she wasnt enjoying it?

 

[reggie106Dallas]

I’m a Bull but I don’t condone people that do ...... behind the others back no matter how bad they want to get fucked like a slut. Maybe let her go. The Frieda will slut her out just right and she may realize that all bitches in heat need a Master even if he is a cuck. A raging Bull like the “friend” will basically just tune her out and she will end up used up and full of disease. I know guys that take pride in making halfway decent chics into trash and they laugh when they lose it all. Some people are just like that. It is what it is. No respect for liars or cheats in my book.

 

[2wheel]

Though I prescribe to the axiom "her pussy her choice". This LS is a team sport, for it to work all participant must be comfortable with what's happening. 2 out of 3 isn't ALL.

 

[robertrobinson]

Wife and I were never swingers, never cheated on each other, never did anything crazy and we each only had sex with 1 other person before we met each other. Years of being married we wanted to open our sex life up a bit. Started with different positions, then different places, anal, and so on. One day we discussed the possibility of swinging but the wife was turned off by the idea of me having sex with another women. Then we discussed threesome but she still was unsure even if it was MFM. So I finally got her to agree to have sex with another guy as I watched. It wasn't my first choice but what the hell. Anyway we discussed who it would be with and she decided on approaching one of my closest friends who I have known since we were teenagers. It felt a little weird but also relaxing because I felt like I can trust him. Turns out I couldn't.

Approached my friend and he was ready to go. We didn't really talk much about what to expect except that he would be fucking her in front of me. When the time came I sat on a chair to watch and he began softly touching her. The soft touching then turned into very aggressive groping with him stating that he likes "rough sex." It would have been nice to bring this up earlier or define it but ok whatever I'm just thinking he'll be more aggressive and fuck her harder which is fine with me. As he's groping her I can hear him whispering words like whore, slut, cunt, bitch, and so on. And the more he says it to her the louder he gets. A little weird but I don't think much about it as I assume it's all part of the show.

After removing some of her clothes he tells her to drop to her knees and she does. Now he pulls out his dick which I admit was very impressive in size. Maybe 8 or 9 inches and thick I was a little bit taken back and think my wife was too. The second he inserts it into her mouth he grabs the back of her head and forces it all the way down her throat. The entire time he keeps doing the same thing forsing her head all the way down on it and thrusting in and out of her throat making her gag all over the place. Then when she came off his cock he literally spits on her and slaps her across the face and during this whole time he keeps calling her names "take it down your throat you cunt" "give me your throat whore" etc. This facefucking goes on for maybe 20 minutes the entire time I'm waiting for my wife to speak up but she doesn't say anything. I told my wife prior that if it becomes overwhelming to SAY SOMETHING. Being an idiot I just let it continue and watch.

From there he throws my wife on the bed on her back spreads her legs and slaps the inside of her thighs before sticking his dick in her. We hadn't discussed condoms but I left 2 boxes of condoms on the nightstand clearly visible for him to see but he never put it on or even asked. He just pounds away as hard as he can and he slaps my wife across the face but this time really hard. You can see and hear it was way harder than it should be. Then his hand goes on her neck and I get up off the chair and tell him to move it away, look at my wife and ask her if she wants him to stop and she responds "it's ok." I asked her what does ok mean? And my friend just responds "you're embarrassing your wife." And she says "it's fine I'm ok." At this point I'm confused because she looks like a wreck and one of my best friends is treating her like trash but she won't cut it short.

I leave the bedroom, go downstairs to the bathroom, then the kitchen to get a drink and compose myself. When I get back up to the bedroom the door is shut which was weird because I had left it open. I open it and my wife's laid out on her back with her head hanging over the bed and him standing over her forsing his dick down her throat again. I can see her body squirming as he holds down her arms and pumps her throat. I walk over to the other side of the bed where my chair is and her face and floor are literally covered in actual ....... She must have thrown up when gagging. I look at my friend like WTF? And he just smiles and says we'll have her clean it up when I'm finished. I made him stop again and told my wife she doesn't have to do this anymore and she can stop. My friend says he's almost done and tries to convince her to keep going and I'm trying to convince her to stop but she says she can finish so I step back again.

I leave to get towels to clean up the ...... because the smell is disgusting. Now my friend puts her in a 69 position and facefucks her thrusting his dick up into her throat and I see her turn pale and hear her say "I think I'm going to throw up again." My friend just keeps telling her to keep going and continues to keep calling her humiliating names. I put a towel under her head so when she puked it didn't go all over the bedspread and she hurled again.

As if this isn't bad enough he puts her back on her knees again to facefuck her and he pulls out his phone and starts taking pictures and videos of her. I have been watching the entire time and never took a single picture out of respect for each other's privacy. Once again he starts calling her horrible names and making her say humiliating things into the camera with his dick in her mouth.

From there he puts her in doggy and pounds away as hard as he can yanking her hair and still being verbally abusive and making her say humiliating things to me. He spreads her cheeks open and tells her he is going to fuck her in the ass. Next to the condoms was a bottle of lube which he picked up, put on his dick, and then rammed into my wife's asshole. Same ...... and he's getting overly aggressive. After a few minutes my wife finally speaks up and says she can't take it any more. I tell him to pull out of her asshole and finish up. He puts her back on her knees and facefucks her until he shoots a huge load on her face. He makes a comment that if she hops in the shower he'll ******** the cum off her face. I tell him we're done and that we want to get to bed.

This all happened recently over the holidays and when I try to talk to my wife about it she tries to avoid discussing it and my friend has texted me but is basically pretending like nothing weird ever happened. Clearly the friendship is over which is upsetting but I'm most concerned on how this is going to affect my marriage now. Sorry for the long read I didn't mean to make it so long.

The guy was total ass hole u had him there to pleasure ur misses no beat her ,when I do a guy lady her want come first and be please