I too appreciate the conversations and I thank you for your patience with the questions. It sounds like you were wise to suppress your initial feelings. You gave yourself time to "evolve" as you put it.
For us we sort of worked out a system that changed after are first view adventures. When we decided we really weren't in to the swinger scene and I found that seeing the wife with other men was way a real turn on we figured out the best way for us to pursue that. The internet made all of it possible either the chat rooms that were around in the beginning like AOL, to the sites like AFF, Craigslist, Doublelist etc. We used these to find like-minded men who were interested. For the most part the way it work was advertise, get email, narrow it down to a few, then I meet them, then the wife meets them, then go from there. It did not go that way every time but as a general rule that was our process. This is what worked for "us" but may not be for everybody. We took our time, had concerns about discretion, STD's, personality conflicts, attitudes, respect, and so on. We have always been about quality and not quantity.
You and I are in the same boat. I have yearned for years to see my wife with another man. I have even talked to my older brother and shared a photo with him but that of course did not go the way I hoped. I hope someday she will do it not for me but for us!
You make an excellent point here, in my view. I think the guys are sometimes too humiliated by the enormity of it all to 'fess up. When my wife told me she'd fallen in love with a man she was having sex with (in our home as well as while traveling for work) it scared the hell out of me until she reassured me there was no threat to our marriage. She was no longer having sex with him in the extra bedroom, - she was having sex with him in our bed. That was when I began to experience fear and I shared that concern with her. She convinced me that she could love two men and make it all work. And she did. For three years, until his wife grew uncomfortable after a pregnancy scare. To this day, I really appreciate how my wife didn't throw it all back in my face by saying "you asked for this, and now you don't want it?" We are still married and we still marvel at how hot the sex was during those three years.
It's good that you are thinking about this stuff. Once you share your thoughts with your wife, she may be more enthusiastic than you! 😁 There's more than a few guys who have had that happen.
You and I are in the same boat. I have yearned for years to see my wife with another man. I have even talked to my older brother and shared a photo with him but that of course did not go the way I hoped. I hope someday she will do it not for me but for us
My wife has a fear of fallen for another man. She does not want what we have to end but believe if she went through with it that she will choose to end us. I like that she says those things to me because I do not believe it would happen so I tell her it won't. I am better at compartmentalizing my emotions than she is which is probably why. I do know if she ever chooses to do it all things need to be covered and I would love to have those conversations with her because as much as I want to do this I know I will be as nervous to begin a riveting new journey.
Reality is physically removing both of them out the front door and being the master of your domain
Agreed! I appreciate you bringing your experience to the post. Do you feel it is better for your woman's first time to be with a familiar face before she tries a new face?
My pleasure! Honestly I can't answer. The guy we invited to our bed we just found him online. I think it's more important for the woman to understand herself and be able to express to her husband what type of woman she is. There are plenty who can have meaningless sex but there are also those that have an emotional connection from it. Depends on the goals and fears I suppose.
Gotcha! I told my wife I could support her making an emotional connection to make it work. Emotions don't scare me to the point where I believe she would leave me but it does for her. Out of all the reasons she has told me no I believe the emotional connection reason is her biggest hurdle mentally. With her everything that could happen wrongly is tied to her emotions somehow.
We discussed that about a year and a half ago. My wife is worried about attachment from the sex. I believe if she was away and a relationship couldn't work it would be safer. Women can be strange creatures but they often counter us which is beneficial too. 😄
All in all I hope for the best for us both. I'm looking forward to a great experience one day!
Absolutely. Through open discussion, understanding and a strong relationship, I believe it's possible to live that lifestyle together happily. If not, at least to be able to bounce back from it.
What did you worry about the most? What did your partner worry about the most?
She was worried that I would feel negatively about her after. I worried that I'd regret it or get jealous. We both worried about it being safe.
My wife is worried about the emotions. I worry about them a little but not as much as her. I worry about her being comfortable mentally more than anything else.
Your wife will stop worrying about the emotions the moment he slides into her. For a while. Probably. You being cool about it and reassuring should help greatly with her being comfortable before, during, and after, always.
