Yes this is about your wife's pleasure but this is also about your relationship this is how yous are, this is part of your marriage. You can't let her decide it's OK to break rules they are in place for a reason, you do have a say in this.
Anyone else have this
- Thread starter Anonymousrob84
- Start date
Agreed
But I do want to reiterate that she hasn’t broken any rules really. She asked, we talked, and I allowed. I was just commenting on how fast our original rules changed.
When I first met my wife and we started dating she had a regular guy that she would see for sex once in awhile when he was in town, my wife had been sexually active since 17 and had been with several men before we met when she was 30,
While we were dating there were several times she had sex with other guys and even spent the night with them but always came back to me, we didn't talk much about it because being in the army it was something that happens often when you're on deployment or out in the field training,
When we decided to get married we had a long talk about sex with others and she told that there might be times she'll have sex with other guys, I accepted that and knew it was gonna happen, she also told that in no way it would interfere with our marriage and that our marriage would always come first,
Throughout our military career there were several times she had sex with other guys, after retiring from the army we started working civilian jobs and she continued having sex with other guys mostly when she went on business trips and the occasional ladies night out,
There were also several times I enjoyed watching her with another guy and eventually started sharing her with my best friend, I've never had any bad feelings and she's never given me any reason to question our marriage,
My point is having this type of lifestyle requires a lot of communication and understanding, it's not for everyone a lot of guys fantasize about seeing their wife fucking another guy yes it's hot but actually doing it you have to ask yourself do you want this as part of sexual gratification or do you want this just to see how she acts with someone else or if she'll really do it,
If you're looking to see if she thinks other guys are better than you, or if she'll do some sexual activities she's never done with you this is not the lifestyle for you or her,
I never questioned my wife whether some guy she fucked was better or bigger than me, and she never gave me a reason to, we talked about our experiences and whatever details we wanted to know we would ask each other, the times I've seen her fucking another guy were very exciting for me, seeing her in a totally different personality as she enjoyed another guy inside her and watching her cumming were some of the most exciting experiences we both had,
I think you should really sit down and think about what you really want to get out of this type of lifestyle, the cat's out of the box now and it'll be very hard to put it back and keep it there, you need to talk to your wife and come up with a good understanding, in this type of lifestyle sometimes rules don't really apply or work.
As someone else said, you have opened Pandora's box so the options are to just let her go her own way or stay with her and steer it. It also comes down to your emotional bond, which I know you are worried about losing. For us, we have one rule and that is that we both agree on who she can fuck. She trusts my instincts as well as hers and so that's it, we are a team. Her regular bulls are either joint friends or I have approved. If we are at a bar or club and she wants to go to bed with a guy who comes on to her, we have a few simple codes to show approval or other msgs. Unless I give the thumbs up, she won't go back to his place. Sometimes it's a conditional, which means she tells him the deal and I go back with her. With strangers it's nearly always that, for safety.
As for involving you and feeling left out, hard to comment. I suggested she go find bulls because I knew her sexual appetite was so high and my physical staying power was fading as I moved into my 60s - she is 20 years younger. I also knew that she would end up wanting to satisfy guys' desires to own her in bed, and that would mean me staying out of the picture. I have grown to accept it and in fact to get turned on by it. But maybe not for you. In which case it comes down to talking and listening, as always. Good luck
We have 1 rule. No playing without the other present. You get ...... n horny. Msg the other that you're bringing someone home, or that someone is coming over for some fun.. its worked for us for years
I, too, have experienced your dilemma and the replies here are excellent and useful for discussion. My wife and I started this lifestyle more than 20 years ago, following a similar path to yours, and with rules like yours. Since starting cuckolding she has always shown her total love and commitment to me. My wife has not had an overnighter yet (her choice, not mine) but it is on the cards any time soon with her latest lover, and I have been experiencing considerable angst over this like you have. I feel though, like me, you are happy for it to happen and that is not the real issue.
I showed this thread to my wife and got her to give her response before I made any comment. It took a while to get away from the perfunctory comments and down to the real issue, which is the feeling of being left out that you mention. I think it is more than just a concern for feeling left out. I think it is a worry that you might be being duped and taken for a sucker.
It took quite a long and detailed followup discussion for us to get the nuances right for us. I reaffirmed that I enjoy the cuckolding lifestyle and that I am turned on immensely when we push boundaries (like having sleepovers) but in the end it is a 'game' that we play together, a 'game' that must be based on mutual trust and honesty. I revealed that watching was not high on my wish list as my main desire is to lose control. I just about always feel I am totally in control if I am watching so I prefer to hear about what happened afterwards. The point being that feeling part of it does not mean I have to participate in the sex, however, it is important for both of us to reconnect afterwards and for me to hear a bit about what went on. It is important for me to get the reassurance that the main game is us as a couple.
We concluded some rules for practical purposes may be desirable but it is our desired outcomes that should dictate the nature of lifestyle for us. I know my needs are generally cerebral and hers are more tactile. We have always had a follow-up reconnection routine which we will refine further as we try new adventures.
i normally arrange the sex. If she gets ...... in bar or club she is allowed to make out but needs to get me to agree and witness if she wants to go out to his car for a fuck. Some of the men do not want me to be there and if so they dont get to fuck her
So true. Once you encourage her to fuck other guys you open the door. Ask for videos, pics, audio recordings, occasional MFM’s its best if she can fuck in your home with you there to listen in. Enjoy the ride!
We had some rules laid out before it all started. And same as OP the rules slowly one by one went away. Never in a sneaky way, always discussed, but slowly and surely, they went away. Once you let someone fuck your wife, the rules seem to become arbitrary.
No overnights: she was coming home at 2am after being with him since 6pm the night before, whats 4 more hours so she can ...... before driving home.
Once a week only: So she saw him on Sunday, does it really matter if they want to go out on a date on friday, or she wants to see a different guy on friday, do those 2 days matter? Not really.
Not in our bed: If i'm out of town does it matter? Not really.
Overtime, the rules just over time went away one by one.
No overnights: she was coming home at 2am after being with him since 6pm the night before, whats 4 more hours so she can ...... before driving home.
Once a week only: So she saw him on Sunday, does it really matter if they want to go out on a date on friday, or she wants to see a different guy on friday, do those 2 days matter? Not really.
Not in our bed: If i'm out of town does it matter? Not really.
Overtime, the rules just over time went away one by one.
Her friends not knowing, many of her friends know, and so their husbands know etc etc.
No vacations, this wasn't really a rule at the beginning, but it kinda became one and since then she went to mexico with him for 4 nights. She posted pics on her instagram and facebook, and while never in a pic with him. the comments from her friends werent very subtle.
Originally it was never more than 3 dates with the same guy - that one went away almost immediately as soon as she found a guy she really liked.
If you aren't comfortable with it then tell her it's a hard no. If it's something that you're interested in getting comfortable with then you need to slow down and take baby steps.
Please do go on! It sounds like you and your wife are sensitive to each other. There's a lot to be learned from people committed to making it work and everyone coming out happy and satisfied!
That feeling about being left out is a strong feeling that leads to bad places. I've always believed that if a couple really truly love each other they want the best experience for each other. I find it hard to imagine that a wife could say she had the best time ever if she knew her husband took more suffering than pleasure from her "best time ever".
How did she explain letting her friends and their husbands know about it? It has to make for some truly awkward moments when ever you see any of those people. Did she realize the position it put you in? I know some people get off on the humiliation of situation like yours. Are you into that? I don't think I'd handle that embarrassment well.
If most, if not all of the rules have fallen by the wayside, is she free to do whatever she wants now?
We have talked through most of those issues and come to an Understanding. I am not really into humiliation like that at all. She is also toying with the idea of letting me play some
It sounds like your wife has done a lot of thinking about things. For her to contemplate you getting to "play some" has to be a huge concession on her part because from what I've read previously she was against that idea. I can't help but imagine a wife that has a sobering moment when they realize how good they've had it and they know it's come undeniably at the expense of their husband. If a wife can't honestly say what their husband gets out of the deal then she has to know things are way out of balance. Eventually resentment will creep into the dynamic.
Not wanting humiliation and getting exactly that by exposing your sex life to her friends and their husbands had to be a topic of discussion. I couldn't easily accept that either. I'd have a really hard time forgetting that. I hope she was sincere if she apologized for that.
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