Hi, I’ve been a lurker for some time on here and I just signed up. I have been married for 16 years, during which time I have often fantasized my wife being with another man. I use the word “fantasized” loosely, because I still am not sure what or why I am doing it.
I am a reasonably attractive man, but not entirely fit, I’m muscular and tall with a bit of a belly and some love handles to boot, something I’ve been self-conscious of for years.
Meanwhile my wife is extremely fit and attractive, she’s a model, and is constantly booked. Flawless body. She was somewhat a late bloomer, she was cute when we got married when she was 20 but really blossomed about five years later. Anytime we go out she gets nothing but stares from men.
For me, it all started about ten years ago when I went from being jealous and territorial about the way she was acting with a gym trainer and other men from her gym, to then imagining her cheating on me with them. I got rock hard at the thought that first time I let it enter my head, but I also felt guilty. After months of masturbating to those thoughts or to some similar themed porn videos, I rationalized I was doing it to cope with my feelings of inadequacy, being out of shape etc. Those thoughts/fantasy’s developed over the years, however, until all I could was masturbate to the thought or of her cheating. My porn habits also followed the same trend. I was no longer imaging myself in the porn scene but rather my wife with another man. Now for the last year my thoughts/fantasy's have again evolved to having her cuckold me with a more endowed man.
Anytime she mentions another man, I feel some strange angst/excitement wondering if she’ll cheat on me with him. Again, still conflicted, still confused.
I got the courage to mention my feelings to her just last month, using science as a safety net. I also mentioned how cuckold’s and swingers etc. go on vacations to have their “fun”. She seemed very eager about that thought, and has brought it up more than once.
My cock is just shy of 7 and around 5.15 thick but I’m not sure how good I am at sex. My wife acts like she loves it, but then again she hasn’t ever had another man. Nor have I had another woman, we were both raised in a very religious community.
I’ve always considered myself “manly” as has those around me, which in our culture doesn’t match being a cuckold. But I know I need to put that ideology aside and be honest with myself. This morning is the first time I’ve really admitted this to anyone, and I figured there was no better place than here. I don't have any pics besides the ones below for now. She was okay with me posting them. Anyway, your thoughts and advice is most appreciated.