Any advice on how to lead her

[Snoopsissy]

I would not where to begin with your odd situation. I really don’t understand how you got yourself into that mess

Exactly - and it’s getting progressively worse on her part - I personally think she is still seething with bitterness and spite because her husband left her after 25 years for another woman so she takes it out on the next guy to come along . Maybe he left her because she wasn’t putting out or getting what he wanted from someone else / thsts what usually happens isn’t it ? .

 

[Snoopsissy]

Bet your wishing you hadn’t replied now ha ha - many thanks for your input but 😀😀

 

[CuckmeCleveland]

I don’t see that you have the relationship to make this work.

 

[Snoopsissy]

I don’t see that you have the relationship to make this work.

Yes I agree unfortunately - I’m enemy no1 . She won’t agree for us both to attend counselling to deal with these issues - I’m at fault and I need to find a way to fix my behaviour - I don’t understand it - she has a good life - just taken one of her sons in , all new stuff for his bedroom $ 900 worth , no real thanks , having to work on past my retirement age as her ...... needs money to get his exs name from the deeds for his house in Spain - again the entitlement and ungrateful ness from my wife is astonishing - I’m tempted to tell her she should be sucking my cock every night for what I’m doing for her family not pulling me to pieces every chance she gets ( she has been through menopause years ago so it’s not that .

 

[CuckmeCleveland]

Exactly - and it’s getting progressively worse on her part - I personally think she is still seething with bitterness and spite because her husband left her after 25 years for another woman so she takes it out on the next guy to come along . Maybe he left her because she wasn’t putting out or getting what he wanted from someone else / thsts what usually happens isn’t it ? .

Snoopster:

I hope this doesn’t come off poorly; but my sense is that to the degree that you are reading this situation correctly, your wife doesn’t need to be porked by another man, however much you may want that to be, or think it would help her.

What I’m getting from your post is that she needs to heal from her wounds. This means doing the very difficult yet thoroughly necessary shadow work to process and come to terms with her broken psyche and integrate it into her personality and find peace in herself.

You might also consider whether broaching the cuckoldry thing is in fact triggering her on the unconscious level which may be exacerbating life on the conscious level.

Please explore ways of helping her make peace with her past. My guess is that she likely won’t agree to therapy at this point. But you can still educate yourself in these things, and work on a strategy to redress issues. As things stand, I’m hearing that she must have checked out of the relationship quite some time ago.

And that is truly sad.

I wish you both all the best.

 

[Snoopsissy]

Snoopster:

I hope this doesn’t come off poorly; but my sense is that to the degree that you are reading this situation correctly, your wife doesn’t need to be porked by another man, however much you may want that to be, or think it would help her.

What I’m getting from your post is that she needs to heal from her wounds. This means doing the very difficult yet thoroughly necessary shadow work to process and come to terms with her broken psyche and integrate it into her personality and find peace in herself.

You might also consider whether broaching the cuckoldry thing is in fact triggering her on the unconscious level which may be exacerbating life on the conscious level.

Please explore ways of helping her make peace with her past. My guess is that she likely won’t agree to therapy at this point. But you can still educate yourself in these things, and work on a strategy to redress issues. As things stand, I’m hearing that she must have checked out of the relationship quite some time ago.

And that is truly sad.

I wish you both all the best.

Many thanks for your reply and yes it just may be final as things stand

 

[Bull4Oldrwives]

Snoopissy:

I tend to think the ‘dream department’ is a bit weird. ‘Why were you dreaming about this guy…have you ever met him…where’d that come from … and you dreamed that?!’

More importantly— and more to the point — the dream gig isn’t necessary. In fact I wouldn’t even mention the sexual part.

She comments now and then that this guy is decent looking and is in great shape, She knows he hasn’t had any at home in decades, and that it is rumored that he gets it from her co-worker[s?].

She knows a good deal about him. Is this stuff you casually mention to your husband? Even if she isn’t fantasizing, he clearly made an Impression on her.

The rumors got your attention. Do you suppose it was the same with her?

The next time ‘rumors’ are mentioned, why not ask in a laid-back manner what this woman’s girlfriends are saying…

Women talk. When they do, we should listen. Very carefully.

Make it a working assumption that this guy attracts your wife. She’s intrigued by what she hears. She can well understand another woman responding to him. Very likely, she fantasizes about them having sex — meaning she likely sees herself in that role also, and wonders how it would be for her.

Snoop: in your place, my first objective would be to meet and begin building a friendship with him. Yes, I mean a real friendship. When sex comes up … share that your wife brings home stories … and you’ve reason to think she’s intrigued by what she hears you’re doing .,,

Be ready to tell him everything you’ve said here. If he wants to proceed [of course he does], offer to coach him!

If he does stuff and you find out from HIM, not her, you know she’s ‘hiding’ stuff and she is pushing her boundaries. You tell him that and just watch him up his game exponentially!

Give him quality, ongoing feedback on all their interactions [what works, what doesn’t], teach him about her arousal patterns—likes, turn-offs, where, how and when to do this or that—and feed every bit of info BACK to him and he gets an ENORMOUS advantage!

Once he gets the idea, sees you as fully on board, explain you hope to see her seething in lust and nearly beside herself with desire.

Another thing — imagine how tongues will wag when it comes out that he seduced yet another wife! Your wife!

Imagine other men approaching you with questions … you exploring their thoughts and the like! Where does it end? Who knows!

This is spot on. The way to make this happen is through the guy. Just don't be overly aggressive so as to turn him off. But definitely communicate your awareness of her attraction to him, his reputation-and that she is excited by it and that you are ok with them exploring their mutual attraction.

 

[Snoopsissy]

This is spot on. The way to make this happen is through the guy. Just don't be overly aggressive so as to turn him off. But definitely communicate your awareness of her attraction to him, his reputation-and that she is excited by it and that you are ok with them exploring their mutual attraction.

Yes major problem there is we don’t know each other and so little chance if at all of leading her through him . She has commented on how he looks good for his age and still does etc and about him Not sharing a bed with his wife . I’ve asked her a couple of times about say the car he drives etc and she responded by “ why are you asking about him “ . Does that mean she thinks I know she’s interested in him or what ? . She has previously told me she knows all the dodges not to get caught cheating - has her cheating radar latched onto the fact that I know she’s been talking about him - she’s well aware of my desire to share her so I don’t get it yet again -

 

[spin418]

First, I appreciate you using the term 'lead' as opposed to most others who want to 'get her to' or get someone to 'seduce her'. I'm a widower and got other guys interest. I also get most of why it's a delicate conversation. I don't understand why so many guys can't accept the predominant issue!

Rarely do I hear of men having an open, honest discussion OUT OF BED/INTIMACY solely about his interest in it. Every time it's made about her they get there's more to it. They straight up voice they think you say it so you can see other women. How can she trust you 'just want it for her' when the frequency in which it comes up MUST disrupt her prior attempts to maximize the previous concepts from birth of just two. All of you are usually right when you think there's more to her thinking-why should she tell when she may not all, but knows you aren't telling either.

Certainly it's a risk, delicate. But you'll have a much better chance accepting and possibly agreeing if/when you can accept and trust you've told her truthfully YOUR place and can trust and have faith in it. All women seek and need security in a relationship.

PS Haven't y'all figured out why women ALWAYS take their girl to the bathroom? Answer: the safest place to talk about men without any of them overhearing then getting the stare down. I guarantee one man is going to read this and blurt this out first chance he gets...and in some way parts of that relationship will be cut forever!

A lot of this makes so much sense and is a breath of fresh air. The one thing that seems most important is that you be honest about how much you want it…not for her, but for yourself. Not to be manipulative or coercive but to be candid and transparent about your desires. There’s nothing wrong with being confused about it either. You share that part as well. I think a woman is much more likely to come around to giving herself permission to at least think about it if she believes her partner really really wants it, and understands some of why he does.