I am 44 year old heterosexual married woman. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have a 17 year old ...... ! I am 5 ft 11 tall and that, coupled with being well built and well endowed(i have very large breasts) i can even carry a few extra pounds without looking tubby.
.
I've always had big boobs. I easily had the largest chest in my high school. I am big woman. I am 5 ft 11 and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes me HUGE! But I love my height and my curvy stature. About a year ago I was at Costco with my and this little boy pointed at me and said something like: "Gush mom, look at her, she is giant!!!" I don’t intend to dress in any particular ‘way’ for anyone. I just wear what I like. I wear clothes that fit me properly.
Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks – something I have no control over. I can’t help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.
My ...... used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was ‘too short’ or ‘too tight’, or there was something wrong with my dress-sense.
My husband is extremely jealous of any kind of attention I get. Please note I am not trying to sound conceited at all, but my looks and body shape get me quite a lot of attention from men. It's been that way since I started developing as a young teenager. I don't give in to these remarks or anything, but it still bothers him to no end. He'll get really clingy and start grabbing all up on me I guess to make it known we're together, which that can get frustrating sometimes.
It'll bug him to death if I go out without him dressed up,texting and calling me about what I'm doing and who I'm with. This is very tiring. I don't like being told what to do or wear as I'm not a ....... I'm not allowed to have any guy friends. My husband even doesn't allow me to talk to other guys. The irony is that all this time my husband is been afraid of men – when really, it was a short, skinny older women he should have feared. My husband doesn't want me around other guys, so i only attend these all female events.
Recently i had these weird experiences. Four months ago i even started online therapy to get some help sorting out my ....... It is a video chatting/tele-therapy. I see my therapist through .... We talk as much as I need. It works really well. My therapist suggested that i should write in the form of stories in details all the incidents on an online forum. She says that i should share my experiences, so they aren't bearing down on me. She says that I should write out everything that happened in the form of stories, all the things that made me angry, the things I had done wrong. She thinks that i need to share every single experience. She says that writing is therapeutic. So I will give it a try.
.
About 11 months ago I got a DUI and i was court ordered to go to 20 AA meetings. I'm not a heavy drinker at all--I never keep alcohol at my house, I never drink by myself, it's almost never liquor (mostly wine), and it's usually just for special occasions. Long story short, I was celebrating one last night with my best friend before she moved away. I ended up driving us home, got pulled over for a head light being out, and the cop guessed correctly that we had been drinking. So I was required to attend 20 AA meetings. My husband doesn't want me around other guys, so i found online this all female group.
.
.
First AA meeting.
.
It was on my work to home route, so I just stopped at this bed and breakfast on my way home from work. This woman Jodi who is a chairperson is a bed and breakfast innkeeper, so the AA meetings are held there
I got out of the car. I was wearing my long black fur coat, a red long sleeve satin blouse buttoned up to the top tucked into black satin trousers and 5 inch heels red shoes. I had full make up on.
There were 16 women in their 40s and 50s mingling outside waiting for it to start. This skinny really short like 5 ft 3 Asian looking ugly shorthaired masculine woman in her mid 50s walked up to me and said " Hi. My name is Patty. So you are new. Wow, you have a regal bearing. You are so overdressed and shiny. You are such a massive woman. Your breasts look absolutely huge, even with your blouse buttoned up to the top. They are vaulting off your chest and being seen from your side and even behind you i can still see your breasts. Your butt is big and heart-shaped also.
Your breasts are sooo large. They are massive. This blouse you are wearing is so tight fitting that stretches taut across your chest, it is buttoned up to the top but the buttons are almost threatening to pop free."
"Can i touch your breasts." she gestured vaguely in my direction.
"My breasts?" i repeated in surprise. My hands rose up to unconsciously cover my chest.
"Yes, they're perfect!" small weird Patty said with great enthusiasm. " I am fascinated with the size of your boobs. As you can see I am totally flat. My breasts are tiny. "
"You want to touch " I swallowed, "my breasts"
"Yes, yes!" she said. " You don't mind do you ?"
I hesitated, frowning as i tried to think through what she had just suggested.
"Actually i do mind. No way " i said finally.
.
"Why? Because i am not white? " she asked. .
"No. I just fond of my personal space. I am not racist. Actually i love Asian culture and food. " I answered to her..
"I am not Asian. I am a full blooded Menominee from Wisconsin .You arrogant, spoiled, stuck up, upper middle class snob. You stupid overdressed cow. ". she angrily told me. She immediately became outraged and upset at me. "Are you fucking kidding me? I am a fucking person. I don't give a fuck what you think about me ." She accused me of racism, but i just said "I am not a racist. I am just not a touchy feely person. "
.
Then i saw this AA chairperson woman Jodi.
"Holy ...... she looks like a short skinny ugly effeminate man."
That was the very first thought that came into my head as I laid eyes upon this chairperson woman Jodi for the very first time. I was surprised. On her FB photos she looked taller, younger and more feminine.
It wasn't just that she was short like 5ft2 tall, she was skinny and masculine! She was in her late 50s. She had pale, brown eyes thin lips light brown hair with Chin-Length haircut .
she was wearing this ugly gray unisex suit and flat shoes.
So i turned my back on this small Native American weird woman Patty I walked over to the chairperson Jodi, introduced myself to her.
She asked me
Why are you here? ".
.
" I got a DUI and i was court ordered to go to 20 AA meetings. So now I am required to attend 20 AA meetings. So i am glad to join your group. I'm not actively looking for help, although I have the utmost respect for people who realize there is a problem and are fixing it. But i need your signatures on my paper "card" .
" i answered.
This small pale chairperson woman Jodi said to me with a smile on her face " I will help you with that Stella. This is open' AA meeting for anybody who wants to attend, for whatever reason. You do not have to be alcoholic, you do not have to state why you are here. You're not the first non alcoholic to get arrested for DUI and offered Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to reduce your sentence. We see people like you every day of the week. You are more than welcome at open meetings. Find a comfortable seat, grab a cup of coffee and make yourself at home. Should you be called on to participate in discussion simply decline. I understand. Don't worry i will sign your attendance cards."
.
About 5 minutes later we entered in this like living room.. I took my coat off and hung it on a coat hanger by the door. The women started claiming seats. Five women were crammed onto the couch. Other 10 women were sitting on the chairs. I sat on this uncomfortable backless chair. The chairperson woman Jodi sat on a chair behind me. These women AA members were talking and discussing about their main difficulties. I sank into the AA meeting. This particular AA all female chapter appeared like the typical ones you see in movies and TV. A lot of religious rhetoric. It was interesting how they talk about alcohol like it's a problem they cannot overcome. Within a few minutes, the chairperson Jodi started to rub my right shoulder with her right hand. She leaned forward and whispered "Stella your shoulder is so sore"
."
"Yes," i answered, "This community center is on my work to home route so i just stopped here straight from work. I am exhausted. "
"I can rub it for you," This pale small chairperson Jodi told me.
Just relax, don't tense up,"
"Okay. Sure. "i replied hesitantly. .
"Don't worry. " the chairperson said as she began her massage.
I felt her hands on my neck. She was rubbing the sides of my neck for like 5 minutes. Then she transitioned into my shoulders.
"Is that too hard?" the chairperson Jodi asked .
"No. It is not," i replied.
She continued her assault on my shoulders as i sat there totally confused. The chairperson Jodi was firmly rubbing my tense muscles working from the center of my body towards my arms. She began kneading my arms, slowly working from the shoulder all the way down to my hands. She slowly worked her way down my spine before concentrating on my shoulders and upper arms I looked around the room, searching for someone who could see what was happening. 'I was being violated, people! Don't they see?!' I screamed in my own head. Then, I calmed myself down. Nothing can happen. I almost laughed out loud.. 'What is she doing anyway? She is rubbing my back. She is just a small, older woman. I am physically stronger than her. She is the chairperson. She sings my paper. I don't need a conflict with her. ' I thought. Again I looked around the immediate area in the room, and this weirdo Menominee woman Patty who wanted to touch my breasts was watching me sit still as my body was rubbed by this small old pale chairperson woman Jodi.
.
I've always had big boobs. I easily had the largest chest in my high school. But I was one of the lucky ones that's never had her boobs grabbed, touched, or jiggled before. My lack of familiarity with this type of situation was not just limited to being groped either, as so far i had no involvement with lesbians at all.
The chairperson Jodi finished with my arm began working from my shoulder blades to my lower back. Her small hands were digging into my back. She worked lower and lower, now focusing totally on my lower back. With each series of rubs, she got closer to my ass. Then i felt her hands stop. She got up and started circling the room.
Then we had a coffee break. I got up from my chair, the small pale chairperson Jodi took my hand and led me out of the living room into this kitchen
. She then said to me
"Stella. I am an spiritual healing touch therapist. You are not an alcoholic, but your body is full of bad energy. I suggest to you body/energy work.
I want to work on freeing up energy in your body which is sort of like a very gentle massage through clothes while you are standing. Trust me. You need this"
She then said that she needed me to turn and stand still.
I just automatically wanted to do everything possible to prevent conflict with this small pale chairperson Jodi. It felt like I was watching myself as I reluctantly followed her instruction. I turned and stood still.
..
.
.
.
I've always had big boobs. I easily had the largest chest in my high school. I am big woman. I am 5 ft 11 and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes me HUGE! But I love my height and my curvy stature. About a year ago I was at Costco with my and this little boy pointed at me and said something like: "Gush mom, look at her, she is giant!!!" I don’t intend to dress in any particular ‘way’ for anyone. I just wear what I like. I wear clothes that fit me properly.
Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks – something I have no control over. I can’t help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.
My ...... used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was ‘too short’ or ‘too tight’, or there was something wrong with my dress-sense.
My husband is extremely jealous of any kind of attention I get. Please note I am not trying to sound conceited at all, but my looks and body shape get me quite a lot of attention from men. It's been that way since I started developing as a young teenager. I don't give in to these remarks or anything, but it still bothers him to no end. He'll get really clingy and start grabbing all up on me I guess to make it known we're together, which that can get frustrating sometimes.
It'll bug him to death if I go out without him dressed up,texting and calling me about what I'm doing and who I'm with. This is very tiring. I don't like being told what to do or wear as I'm not a ....... I'm not allowed to have any guy friends. My husband even doesn't allow me to talk to other guys. The irony is that all this time my husband is been afraid of men – when really, it was a short, skinny older women he should have feared. My husband doesn't want me around other guys, so i only attend these all female events.
Recently i had these weird experiences. Four months ago i even started online therapy to get some help sorting out my ....... It is a video chatting/tele-therapy. I see my therapist through .... We talk as much as I need. It works really well. My therapist suggested that i should write in the form of stories in details all the incidents on an online forum. She says that i should share my experiences, so they aren't bearing down on me. She says that I should write out everything that happened in the form of stories, all the things that made me angry, the things I had done wrong. She thinks that i need to share every single experience. She says that writing is therapeutic. So I will give it a try.
.
About 11 months ago I got a DUI and i was court ordered to go to 20 AA meetings. I'm not a heavy drinker at all--I never keep alcohol at my house, I never drink by myself, it's almost never liquor (mostly wine), and it's usually just for special occasions. Long story short, I was celebrating one last night with my best friend before she moved away. I ended up driving us home, got pulled over for a head light being out, and the cop guessed correctly that we had been drinking. So I was required to attend 20 AA meetings. My husband doesn't want me around other guys, so i found online this all female group.
.
.
First AA meeting.
.
It was on my work to home route, so I just stopped at this bed and breakfast on my way home from work. This woman Jodi who is a chairperson is a bed and breakfast innkeeper, so the AA meetings are held there
I got out of the car. I was wearing my long black fur coat, a red long sleeve satin blouse buttoned up to the top tucked into black satin trousers and 5 inch heels red shoes. I had full make up on.
There were 16 women in their 40s and 50s mingling outside waiting for it to start. This skinny really short like 5 ft 3 Asian looking ugly shorthaired masculine woman in her mid 50s walked up to me and said " Hi. My name is Patty. So you are new. Wow, you have a regal bearing. You are so overdressed and shiny. You are such a massive woman. Your breasts look absolutely huge, even with your blouse buttoned up to the top. They are vaulting off your chest and being seen from your side and even behind you i can still see your breasts. Your butt is big and heart-shaped also.
Your breasts are sooo large. They are massive. This blouse you are wearing is so tight fitting that stretches taut across your chest, it is buttoned up to the top but the buttons are almost threatening to pop free."
"Can i touch your breasts." she gestured vaguely in my direction.
"My breasts?" i repeated in surprise. My hands rose up to unconsciously cover my chest.
"Yes, they're perfect!" small weird Patty said with great enthusiasm. " I am fascinated with the size of your boobs. As you can see I am totally flat. My breasts are tiny. "
"You want to touch " I swallowed, "my breasts"
"Yes, yes!" she said. " You don't mind do you ?"
I hesitated, frowning as i tried to think through what she had just suggested.
"Actually i do mind. No way " i said finally.
.
"Why? Because i am not white? " she asked. .
"No. I just fond of my personal space. I am not racist. Actually i love Asian culture and food. " I answered to her..
"I am not Asian. I am a full blooded Menominee from Wisconsin .You arrogant, spoiled, stuck up, upper middle class snob. You stupid overdressed cow. ". she angrily told me. She immediately became outraged and upset at me. "Are you fucking kidding me? I am a fucking person. I don't give a fuck what you think about me ." She accused me of racism, but i just said "I am not a racist. I am just not a touchy feely person. "
.
Then i saw this AA chairperson woman Jodi.
"Holy ...... she looks like a short skinny ugly effeminate man."
That was the very first thought that came into my head as I laid eyes upon this chairperson woman Jodi for the very first time. I was surprised. On her FB photos she looked taller, younger and more feminine.
It wasn't just that she was short like 5ft2 tall, she was skinny and masculine! She was in her late 50s. She had pale, brown eyes thin lips light brown hair with Chin-Length haircut .
she was wearing this ugly gray unisex suit and flat shoes.
So i turned my back on this small Native American weird woman Patty I walked over to the chairperson Jodi, introduced myself to her.
She asked me
Why are you here? ".
.
" I got a DUI and i was court ordered to go to 20 AA meetings. So now I am required to attend 20 AA meetings. So i am glad to join your group. I'm not actively looking for help, although I have the utmost respect for people who realize there is a problem and are fixing it. But i need your signatures on my paper "card" .
" i answered.
This small pale chairperson woman Jodi said to me with a smile on her face " I will help you with that Stella. This is open' AA meeting for anybody who wants to attend, for whatever reason. You do not have to be alcoholic, you do not have to state why you are here. You're not the first non alcoholic to get arrested for DUI and offered Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to reduce your sentence. We see people like you every day of the week. You are more than welcome at open meetings. Find a comfortable seat, grab a cup of coffee and make yourself at home. Should you be called on to participate in discussion simply decline. I understand. Don't worry i will sign your attendance cards."
.
About 5 minutes later we entered in this like living room.. I took my coat off and hung it on a coat hanger by the door. The women started claiming seats. Five women were crammed onto the couch. Other 10 women were sitting on the chairs. I sat on this uncomfortable backless chair. The chairperson woman Jodi sat on a chair behind me. These women AA members were talking and discussing about their main difficulties. I sank into the AA meeting. This particular AA all female chapter appeared like the typical ones you see in movies and TV. A lot of religious rhetoric. It was interesting how they talk about alcohol like it's a problem they cannot overcome. Within a few minutes, the chairperson Jodi started to rub my right shoulder with her right hand. She leaned forward and whispered "Stella your shoulder is so sore"
."
"Yes," i answered, "This community center is on my work to home route so i just stopped here straight from work. I am exhausted. "
"I can rub it for you," This pale small chairperson Jodi told me.
Just relax, don't tense up,"
"Okay. Sure. "i replied hesitantly. .
"Don't worry. " the chairperson said as she began her massage.
I felt her hands on my neck. She was rubbing the sides of my neck for like 5 minutes. Then she transitioned into my shoulders.
"Is that too hard?" the chairperson Jodi asked .
"No. It is not," i replied.
She continued her assault on my shoulders as i sat there totally confused. The chairperson Jodi was firmly rubbing my tense muscles working from the center of my body towards my arms. She began kneading my arms, slowly working from the shoulder all the way down to my hands. She slowly worked her way down my spine before concentrating on my shoulders and upper arms I looked around the room, searching for someone who could see what was happening. 'I was being violated, people! Don't they see?!' I screamed in my own head. Then, I calmed myself down. Nothing can happen. I almost laughed out loud.. 'What is she doing anyway? She is rubbing my back. She is just a small, older woman. I am physically stronger than her. She is the chairperson. She sings my paper. I don't need a conflict with her. ' I thought. Again I looked around the immediate area in the room, and this weirdo Menominee woman Patty who wanted to touch my breasts was watching me sit still as my body was rubbed by this small old pale chairperson woman Jodi.
.
I've always had big boobs. I easily had the largest chest in my high school. But I was one of the lucky ones that's never had her boobs grabbed, touched, or jiggled before. My lack of familiarity with this type of situation was not just limited to being groped either, as so far i had no involvement with lesbians at all.
The chairperson Jodi finished with my arm began working from my shoulder blades to my lower back. Her small hands were digging into my back. She worked lower and lower, now focusing totally on my lower back. With each series of rubs, she got closer to my ass. Then i felt her hands stop. She got up and started circling the room.
Then we had a coffee break. I got up from my chair, the small pale chairperson Jodi took my hand and led me out of the living room into this kitchen
. She then said to me
"Stella. I am an spiritual healing touch therapist. You are not an alcoholic, but your body is full of bad energy. I suggest to you body/energy work.
I want to work on freeing up energy in your body which is sort of like a very gentle massage through clothes while you are standing. Trust me. You need this"
She then said that she needed me to turn and stand still.
I just automatically wanted to do everything possible to prevent conflict with this small pale chairperson Jodi. It felt like I was watching myself as I reluctantly followed her instruction. I turned and stood still.
..
.
.
