I take it was an affair over a period of time , and had you two talked over your fantasies about another guy so she was well aware of your desire to see her with one then , I still don’t get why she couldn’t have gone the easier route with that rather than an affair behind your back which means - feelings - . So think back before the panic attack , was there anything at all which happened out of place or character for her before it ? . Maybe the panic thing was she thought that you had rumbled her / them for some reason - so her ending it down to him wanting her to leave you again in her mind was damage limitation - reason I say this and about the feelings was the guy I hated was seemingly her ex long lost true love but still a scumbag ( he claimed for 10-15 years he was a para , went to all the reunions - gave speeches etc about his service but in reality was a ‘Walter Mitty ‘ and had been in the ta for 1 year or so only - body was covered in parachute regiment tattoos etc - never served , stealing respect from our brave deceased servicemen who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms . Everyone in the local community and my wife’s ex workmates ( she used to work beside him ) were disgusted but my wife even then was not so condemning about him - so even now I know she still has feelings for him - but as far as I know they aren’t / haven’t been in contact after I confronted her about ‘ her little chats ‘
She's cheated on me
- Thread starter StaggedCuck
- Start date
Ye it was at least 6 months.
She was aware of my desire, but also that it was something to discuss before doing and she always said she liked the fantasy but could never do it for real.
What you say about taking the easy route rather than cheating is what keeps going around my head. A few things come to mind.
1 she was apparently drunk first time so crossed the line and couldn’t go back. That being the case why wasn’t it a one off?
2 she knew I dislike this guy intensely.
3 She had wanted him for a long time. He was the office stud who all the girls knew put it about.
4 And highly unlikely is that she is just a cheater but I have been with her since was 15.
Nothing happened before that I am aware of. She said it got to much for her he was pressuring her and she couldn’t take anymore. But maybe you are right, maybe he was threatening to go public. But knowing him he already had at work. Something about this has not sounded right from the start.
Your story sounds horrendous but does touch the nerve I hinted at above. What if it wasn’t her that ended it?
Thanks for taking the timer to write it helps to be able to share.
You are very welcome 👍 , firstly that is always the standard get out clause that she was drunk the first time - so where did that happen? Drink after work / office party - it happens I suppose but that was the first mistake - not telling you as probably you’d have been ok with that - nice sloppy seconds and why couldn’t she go back after the first time . If he was pressurising her all the more reason to tell you and for you to put a stop to it , that way at least you would have known she was genuine about the first being a drunken mistake . 2 if he was the office stud did she mention him at home even about ordinary mundane things - sometimes they just like to say his name as it keeps the memories of him and what they’re doing / done alive in her head , other women talk and sometimes worse than men so maybe she felt left out and wanted to try this bad boy for herself ? And if she did that before the first time she knew what she was doing and wasn’t a drunken fuck . Then it just kept happening whilst you were blissfully unaware , but now he’s maybe told someone at work and there dirty little secret is getting out or rumours are going around in the office . She doesn’t like that as she now realised she’s married and the realisation of losing her safe home and all that goes with it could happen if he or someone else lets slip so she shits herself , full of anxiety - will today be the day you find out or tomorrow ? - anxiety naturally builds up leading to the panic attack - natural human reaction if you are guilty is to try and cover up or deflect what you have done - so she decides only THEN to tell you about it , again it’s he got her drunk first time , he pestered her into doing it time and again for 6 months - he pressured her at work - he wanted her to leave you - see what I mean , she is taking no responsibility , she should have stopped it before or after the first time and I’m sure if he was the office stud he’d have moved onto someone else soon enough , maybe that’s why he ended it maybe a new girl in the office ? , think you need to have a ‘real ‘ talk with her , must be lots of reasons why she had a one night stand - to a 6 month affair - maybe it was longer than that but again she’s cut the time down for damage limitation - the longer it’s been going on the worse it will seem for her . So think farther back than that was there anything going on at her work he could have been involved in ? Car had a puncture - office meetings - any stupid little thing that you can think of?
She worked for a big bank and their manager had arranged a wine tasting evening for the staff. This guy sat in next to her and plied her wine. She did not follow the custom of tasting and spitting out, wish the same could be said for when she is normally sucking my cock!
They helped clear up and he apparently kept complimenting her and brushing up against her. He suggested they go back to his for 'coffee' and she did, because "she didn't want the evening to end just yet".
This guy had a reputation for hitting on any hot women staff and customers. I remember being at another office do standing with my wife and her friend and they were pointing and telling me about the married memeber of staff he was having an affair them and how he was quite boastful around the office, I guess his name came up occasionally but not often.
I think the rumours where probably flying around quite early, I remember playing football for them and when I approached the mens showers after, there was laughing and bantering which I could not quite hear and it all stopped as I came into view. I thought it was a little strange but dismissed it back then.
I think you might be right about her being stupidly thrilled to be getting his attention. That or she always wanted more but if that had been the case why then? Although one major event might have been the change, but surely not, you see we have been together about ten years but only got married last year.
She was definately was in a bad state but you have hit a few nails on the head, firstly the length of time I got out of her, in reality it could have been a lot longer but she says not. secondly what goes round and round in my mind most, other than imagining that first time, is does the ending really sound true. Am i to believe that my fairly innocent wife, having her first affair end things because a known player wanted to settle down with her? I won't deny I get very arroused and do wank over this but it's the unnerving feeling that the truth could be a lot darker.
I have thought back and having a good memory there are a number a instances that on reflection were dodgy, and i have raised a couple that she has admitted too and told me a couple of others.
Sorry u dealing with it. U r not alone ! Many of us men have experienced it. Rarely will people talk about it. It can get lonely and honestly, you are going to go thru some shit because of it. If you want to forgive, you can. It gets easier over time. But it’s gonna take some time for trust to return somdont be too hard on ur self.
The first time I heard my wife had fuked someone else. My cock was so hard. I wanted to know everything
Well it’s a known fact that a lot of affa start in the workplace so not surprised at all and surely she can’t be that naive to think after knowing he was plying her with wine given to her by the office stud that they were going to his for ‘coffee’ - that would have been the perfect time to contact you and run the situation by you . Again as you say the truth may be way more darker than a fantasy which if you both shared that was a good opportunity for it to happen and I’m sorry too that you are going through all this , and you have probed a bit more and more and more is bubbling to the surface , maybe he did fall for her , I’m sure it happens but a leopard doesn’t change its spots either and looks like he was riding her at the time of the football thing - so was that before the alleged 6 months or during that period ? . Yes I think a lot of serious conversations need to happen between you two , now your eyes have been opened and all those little seemingly silly things have been adding up or given a meaning you will know in your gut fact or fiction when she tells you things - really hope you can work it out between you - it is your decision to reach I’m afraid
I am grateful for your message and it has been very lonely as it is not something I would share with family or friends. I want to forgive her as we have been together for a long time and I feel partially responsible for putting the idea in her head. I feel I had blind trust that we were a team and in anything like this together, I don't think that will ever return any where near 100%
I have desire to know as well and yes it gets me hard but it is also a mind fuck.
I tackled her about going back to his quite firmly, she said she was enjoying the evening didn't want it to end, she admitted that they might kiss but wasn't expecting any more! I can almost feel you tutting and shaking your head, I know.
Him falling for her is the part that I really have problems with, yes she's hot, yes she's a catch but would he fall that easily, My head is saying he ditched her and that's way she was in a state but maybe I am just being bitter and harsh.
There were actually 2 football events on was a tournament last summer when he was a spectator having a beer, standing together on the sideline the other was autumn, I know it was still going on at Christmas .
There is another night which sprung to mind which was hurtful and she has admitted to a lots of 'working late and office socials I didn't attend.
I guess I am amongst people who won't judge me totally if I say along with all the hurt and betrayal, I am constantly turned on, she is almost the woman I fantasised about which I never thought she could be, but with a ruthless streak. What I didn't expect was to have no control or say.
Well firstly no you are not being judged , so she was sort of already warmed up before she went to his the first night and ‘ they might kiss ‘ - and no I am only nodding in agreement with you - then was the moment to contact you and fill you in wasn’t it as she knew you would maybe be ok with it . Possibly he may have ditched her as you say and moved onto another pussy ,and we all know what the working late etc was eh . Yes you are very right in stating about the ruthless and deceitful way she has went about this which is the really bad part isn’t it - why did she chose that route instead of cucking you I wonder ? . Maybe she thought you would only want her to be with him for a one night stand and that was obviously not what she wanted - so you weren’t thought about once or consulted whatsoever which makes her the driving force in this I think, so again there’s that thing again - feelings eh . Love does conquer a lot but you will for a long long time be second guessing her actions especially working companions
Seems she was expecting it just lying to herself. She was very drunk when I picked her up from her mum's but was that the reason for letting her guard down or the excuse.
Why she chose that route I can't understand or get a answer to, "it was a mistake".
Another reason was she knew full well what I thought of him.
I guess the big unknown for me is how deep her feelings were/are.
I will certainly not be the same, but although a lot of the time I feel weak and humiliated and also feel much harder and determined.
Yes a mistake that lasted 6 months that you know of - as you rightly say you may not ever know how deep the feelings were /are and that’s the bit that’s hardest to work out and live with . Sounds maybe like he did finish it - as he was a mistake - sounds a bit bitter answer eh . Yes once you’ve been fucked over it does make you a harder person , I’d still play deaf / dumb / blind hubby for a bit and see what happens - all this could have been avoided for one text message - can I go to his place for ‘ coffee. That’s women for you ha ha
Exactly, a one night drunken mistake would be bad but less complexed.
Could it be that her mistake was stepping over when drunk and then it was too late to say. She has said that when he dropped her off after that first time she told him she couldn't do it again. He apparently them kept the pressure on and she relented, claiming it was the attention she was getting did it.
It just seems more likely he would find a new challenge to move onto.
How do you mean play deaf dumb?
99% of you story happened to me
was innocent wife
he was office stud
She cheated at a work party.
Liked the attention
Said he was persistent and she gave in
said it happened once (I found out because I got a letter 2 years after she cheated, from him says it was over a year and a half)
She went to multuple office parties without me
She said she broke it off because he fell for her
wont tell me the details
DM me if you wanna talk
Thanks for the message, I knew affairs were most common at work but that is very similar. What has happened since?
Yes exactly - she knew it was a chance to turn your fantasy into reality and if drunk realistic reason for all parties involved to put it down to that . And obviously in the cold light of day she obviously would feel guilty and told him not again . I can see how a good looking stud in the office on full charm offensive could get her to open her legs again for him but for that to continue for 6 months that you know of ? . Surely if he was that he’d have other bits of pussy on the go ? And why get involved with a married woman if there are single women , maybe she was telling him about you both and your relationship negatively which led to her getting serious and him just looking for his next ride ? - then he shuts it all down . You don’t know what she has been telling him about you - in my case I heard it all lol . I mean just kind of try and get things between you two onto a level platform but keep your eyes / ears / mind open for anything at all that doesn’t fit right with what she is doing / saying etc - she was devious enough to keep it from you for at least 6 months so you are allowed to be devious too , now your eyes are opened , little things will scream at you , secretive with mobile , visiting a friend , shopping more often or to a different place ( time factor ) etc etc - mines was chatting to her sisters son laughing and smiling etc - sitting right next to me - when in reality it was fucking action man - checked her phone - 2 numbers for same name just one letter different so if it flashed on screen you wouldn’t notice really , she may still have his no I hidden away somewhere so look for it - common thing is to put it in as a woman’s name so look for the same no - disregard the name - hope any of this helps you in any way
But if she saw the chance to fulfil my fantasy why not tell me straight after the first time.
He certainly got her legs open a lot after.
He was a single guy and couldn't see her a lot so logic says there were others.
From the gossip I heard before mine got involved, I got the impression that he had a thing for married women, which again points to commitment issues, apart from the obvious kink.
If she was in fact telling him negative things about our relationship, then why end it?
It is not comfortable sending her to work with him everyday but we can't afford for her to quit, although that was my initial knee jerk idea.
He phone is locked, I did think of making her keep it unlocked but I am sure she is wise to all that now.
Next Friday her boss is leaving and having a big do for past and present staff and customers. I have told her she can't go, but we rowed and she has been in tears as she has promised to help out and insists she's going. I have been tempted to throw her out but....
All this angst and I am so turned on as well which feels wrong and sick.
I am grateful to you for patience in continuing to chat to me.
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