It is almost impossible to diagnosis with a high degree of certainty a non-celebrity from just a few posts. I will say though that many of the conversations you have relayed lay out exactly what I have seen in other Covert Narcissistic women.
- During the initial phase of your relationship you got lots of "your the greatest" etc. great sex all the time, you really enjoyed this time from your writing.
- Previously she played along with your fantasy, watching porn and discussing it with you and never said a blanket no and even spoke positively sometimes.
- You are at 2 years in your relationship, so you would be on the far side of a fairly long Golden Period, if she is a Narcissist.
- If she is a Narcissist things would be changing at some point within this timeframe and things are changing.
- Now specifically regarding your sexual desire for MFM 3some which she knows is your number 1 sexual fantasy she is saying no.
- She would be lying if she is a Narcissist which she has done multiple times.
- She would have other men hanging around which is happening and she would cheat which you suspect she is doing (I agree with your gut instinct).
- Overall there friction now, where before there was no friction or disagreement and that change in mood is from her behavior not from you.
- Your conversations close to a Narcissistic relationship I was involved in before I knew about Covert Narcissism and why I learned about it.
I have heard nothing about anything you have done that would be cause for her to change her attitude towards you. All of the sudden now there are disagreements, which all center around her behavior, not yours. Have you done anything like seen an old girlfriend, or had lunch with one, or anything? I didn't read anything about you doing anything like that. Let us know if you did something that you shouldn't have done, but right now the only person of the two of you in your relationship that has done things which violated boundaries is her. She continues to violate boundaries of your relationship even after getting called out on them. It doesn't sound like she is even sorry, but regardless even if she has apologized, she continues on to repeat it again. From your recounting of the conversations she seems to feel entitled and is taking you for granted. What I hear and put together from your posts is that you are committed to the relationship and she is expressing indifference, by lying to you, cheating on you probably and triangulating you with these other guys. Narcissists enjoy having this type of interaction which is a form of punishment of you for some perceived failure by being indifferent, making you out to be unreasonable, lying to you, cheating on you, etc. She loves that you are checking up on her.
You don't love this girl, you are addicted to her. This is what Narcissists do, they make you crazy. I mean ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship, especially a sharing relationship involving MFM 3somes that you are checking up on all the time. How does it feel overall? Is distracting and taking up your focus for you day wondering if she is cheating and trying to figure out how to keep track of her. You have got yourself a Trauma Bond is my suspicion.
She is using your desire for watching her with another man as something she can deny you to control you, then occasionally giving you hope with a slight "Future Fake" of maybe I will do it. This is classic Narcissistic drama, be jealous of me, triangulating you with other men, withhold what you want sexually, that I have seen before. I recommend studying up on the subject so you can keep watching her behavior to see if it continues to fit Narcissistic manipulations and traits.
Probably the biggest things that throw it into the Narcissist column are; 1. You haven't done anything to warrant the change in behavior 2. You don't trust her by your own admission. Do you really want to be in a relationship with a woman you can't trust, especially a sharing relationship which challenges your feelings of security in a relationship. My personal opinion is to get rid of her. You will feel better without her drama and triangulation. Remember for a stand-up guy like you who isn't a cheater having a lousy girlfriend prevents you from finding a good woman who will love and you can trust. They are out there. Take it from an old guy who has enjoyed many great years in the Lifestyle. almost longer than you have been alive. Lifestyle relationships are fantastic IF you have a good partner that is committed to you and trustworthy. That isn't this girl. I don't believe she'll ever do it anyway at this point for the reasons I have outlined. You will continue to be frustrated, she will continue to lie and cheat, be deceptive making you wonder and in the end you will be discarded without any remorse. I say beat her to the punch which will be much better for your dignity and feelings of self-worth that you ended it because she wasn't a good enough woman for you. Which is absolutely true. My mantra is if you don't believe you can trust, you can't so you get rid of them.
