I'm so glad you decided to be upfront and tell her how you felt. This should give you greater confidence to speak up earlier should you have those feelings again. I know you don't want to repeat any of what happened to you the first time around. It'd be nice to know that she doesn't want to do that either. If that is true then she shouldn't mind you helping HER when you see her unknowingly or unwittingly going off course.
I've recently been able to chat with a couple of women from this site. I've wanted to learn how they feel about their husbands. Do they still respect them? Do they still want the best for them? How important is it to them to make sure their husband is happy? It was my observation that being a "sustainable" hot wife is not as simple as the stories.
One wife told me that her husbands favorite thing was to watch her. Sometime after making that happen the wife said her husband was acting depressed. She finally got him to talk and he admitted that he was jealous of the guy since he had a bigger cock, that he was muscular, that he could last so long, that he could recover so quickly, and that he could bring me to orgasm so easily.
She also said, "This is also one of the reasons I don't usually let my husband watch. When he watches I feel very inhibited. There are things I like to do that I don't do when he's there, and there are things I like to do with my lovers that I don't do with my husband. These guys have the most beautiful cocks and I enjoy a lot of cock play with them. I don't do that with my husband. I love to ride their cocks as my orgasms sweep over me. I can't do that with my husband. Some of the positions I like I can't do with my husband because his cock is too short. Obviously these men are way better in bed than my husband, but I don't want him to keep having to see that."
I knew right then that if you're really going to make things work, and you really want to satisfy yourself and your partner, it's no small task. This wife was awesome to chat with. You could tell there were things and situations where she was torn between what she wanted and what would work. As you say, and I take your word on it, being a hot wife husband isn't all that easy either!
Keep us updated! I'd much rather read about this than the other BS.