It's never going to happen

[coastalkid]

Its 100% a thing bought up and led by me.
This is how the conversation will go.

Me: Hey babe, can i lock up?
Her: yeah sure, if you want.

There no real zest for chastity. No teasing, no making me sub for her, nothing at all.

Yeah, I get the same kind of reaction. My wife doesn't want to talk about ANYTHING sexual so she starves the conversation and redirects it to something else. It's clear to me that she just wants to outlast my desire by not feeding the fire. She knows I've fantasized about her having a big cock experience. Now she even teases about it when we are having sex (just doing that took her many years to do), but afterwards crickets, nothing, nada, zip.

In every other way we are perfect together, we're both good parents, we travel a lot and enjoy each others company, we are stable financially, and all that makes it more difficult to address our lack of sexual connection. If she was a flat out bitch then it would be easy to move on.

Sometimes, when I go to the bar and see all my divorced buddies and how they are there every day (at least every time I show up) their lives seem so empty and centered on drinking away their loneliness. It makes me feel like I'm being petty and selfish to want it all and I should be satisfied with more than most have. "It's never gonna happen" is a tough pill to swallow!

I'm laughing to myself thinking that I should have picked up on this a long, long time ago. This is the truth, my wife likes her sex like she likes her hamburgers, PLAIN, just meat, bun and ketchup, no deviation!

 

[Jjmcnab]

Yeah, I get the same kind of reaction. My wife doesn't want to talk about ANYTHING sexual so she starves the conversation and redirects it to something else. It's clear to me that she just wants to outlast my desire by not feeding the fire. She knows I've fantasized about her having a big cock experience. Now she even teases about it when we are having sex (just doing that took her many years to do), but afterwards crickets, nothing, nada, zip.

In every other way we are perfect together, we're both good parents, we travel a lot and enjoy each others company, we are stable financially, and all that makes it more difficult to address our lack of sexual connection. If she was a flat out bitch then it would be easy to move on.

Sometimes, when I go to the bar and see all my divorced buddies and how they are there every day (at least every time I show up) their lives seem so empty and centered on drinking away their loneliness. It makes me feel like I'm being petty and selfish to want it all and I should be satisfied with more than most have. "It's never gonna happen" is a tough pill to swallow!

I'm laughing to myself thinking that I should have picked up on this a long, long time ago. This is the truth, my wife likes her sex like she likes her hamburgers, PLAIN, just meat, bun and ketchup, no deviation!

Mate, our wives must have been cut from the same cloth, because that sounds EXACTLY like my wife!

We have all these desires, needs, fantasies etc, but all for nothing because its like having a conversation about what type of tea we should change too.

 

[coastalkid]

Its 100% a thing bought up and led by me.
This is how the conversation will go.

Me: Hey babe, can i lock up?
Her: yeah sure, if you want.

There no real zest for chastity. No teasing, no making me sub for her, nothing at all.

It's whole different kind of denial, isn't it?

 

[petco]

I think i need to accept that fact that my darling wife has zero interest in anything kinky. I use the term kinky because it covers pretty much everything, from light bdsm to cuckolding.
Anyway, my wife is as vanilla as vanilla comes. She doesn't touch herself, never has apparently. She doesn't have fantasies, she doesn't have any desires needs or wants in the bedroom.
Look I get it, we have two kids who take up all our time. She's a work-a-holic, all she does is work. All she talks about is work. All she thinks about is work. If she's not working she's cleaning, always cleaning.
I try to bring up something kinky like, lets try some light restraints, nope no interest at all. I try bringing up things she might like, its not received with interest or curiosity its met with exhaustion, annoyance and frustration. Like its another thing that someone is demanding from her.
She will say things like, you've got to get your head out of your dick and into the real world.

She will say things like, well maybe if you cleaned up after yourself and helped around the house more she'd have the time and headspace to get into that frame of mind. But thats bullshit. I do everything for the kids, feed, clean, cloth, teach, drive them around, do all the washing, make dinner etc etc.
And yes she does a lot around here I am not denying that. But I know without a doubt that I could do 100% of everything and still she'd find a million excuses as to why she doesn't have time to think about or take interest in anything of a sexual nature.

I have hotwife kink, its something i long for. But I know it wont ever happen. So i need to just move on i guess and find something out to think about when i am horny.

I don't know why i'm sharing this, but i am.

Hi , sounds you talk about mine. Same here . she s busy in her job , nearly 24 hrs . the spare time between meetings ,mailresponding and travelling she is a great mum . take care of family .
Unfortunately all vanilla .
I have no idea how this could be changed.
In some rare moments when she had some drinks to much she could be slutty - and before marriage she was curious and horny - now no time for kinks .
Always serious - to old she says . (44)

But i still hope for - do nt give up - do nt push .

 

[martiedlooking]

Thank you for sharing your love life with your wife, I admire your courage, but believe me you are not the only one in this situation, I am also like you. I would love for my wife to be

Same situation. Vanilla sex.

 

[cuckoldman01]

Hey

Its 100% a thing bought up and led by me.
This is how the conversation will go.

Me: Hey babe, can i lock up?
Her: yeah sure, if you want.

Hi,Jjmcnab,
How much time do you have left on earth? How much time do you have left with your marriage? Why live through pain, misery also known as a sham marriage or what counselors call a 'co-existence'. My advice to you is find a way to put yourself at peace - whether through a healer, chiropractor, counselor, etc. I would then approach your wife and confront her about the unhappy marriage and in particular sex situation - before confronting her think about the possibility of leaving the marriage. Think about moving out. Think about co-parenting. Think about meeting someone new and starting fresh.

If you are done with the thinking and in a place of peace then only confront her. If she shows no signs of interest with repairing the relationship in particular sex tell her your only option is to leave the marriage. From you stated earlier I think your wife is probably looking for a way out of this marriage too.

Do not look back with your decision - based on the information you have of your circumstances at that particular point in time it's the correct decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Remember you deserve happiness too.

 

[coastalkid]

Hey

Hi,Jjmcnab,
How much time do you have left on earth? How much time do you have left with your marriage? Why live through pain, misery also known as a sham marriage or what counselors call a 'co-existence'. My advice to you is find a way to put yourself at peace - whether through a healer, chiropractor, counselor, etc. I would then approach your wife and confront her about the unhappy marriage and in particular sex situation - before confronting her think about the possibility of leaving the marriage. Think about moving out. Think about co-parenting. Think about meeting someone new and starting fresh.

If you are done with the thinking and in a place of peace then only confront her. If she shows no signs of interest with repairing the relationship in particular sex tell her your only option is to leave the marriage. From you stated earlier I think your wife is probably looking for a way out of this marriage too.

Do not look back with your decision - based on the information you have of your circumstances at that particular point in time it's the correct decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Remember you deserve happiness too.

This is hard advice but ultimately it is the necessary course of action. It is made worse by waiting and hoping for change. It's easy to look at all the other things that DO work and believe that things will be better eventually. As time passes and nothing changes it is a ripe ground for resentment to grow. Nothing is going to work if you have resentment in your heart.

Cuckoldman01 is reminding you that you have options and if you don't explore them you'll only have yourself to blame. Cuckoldman01 is also right about not looking back on your decision WHATEVER that decision is. A good, open, honest discussion will tell you all you need to know.

 

[Azncouple21]

Im in the same boat

I think i need to accept that fact that my darling wife has zero interest in anything kinky. I use the term kinky because it covers pretty much everything, from light bdsm to cuckolding.
Anyway, my wife is as vanilla as vanilla comes. She doesn't touch herself, never has apparently. She doesn't have fantasies, she doesn't have any desires needs or wants in the bedroom.
Look I get it, we have two kids who take up all our time. She's a work-a-holic, all she does is work. All she talks about is work. All she thinks about is work. If she's not working she's cleaning, always cleaning.
I try to bring up something kinky like, lets try some light restraints, nope no interest at all. I try bringing up things she might like, its not received with interest or curiosity its met with exhaustion, annoyance and frustration. Like its another thing that someone is demanding from her.
She will say things like, you've got to get your head out of your dick and into the real world.

She will say things like, well maybe if you cleaned up after yourself and helped around the house more she'd have the time and headspace to get into that frame of mind. But thats bullshit. I do everything for the kids, feed, clean, cloth, teach, drive them around, do all the washing, make dinner etc etc.
And yes she does a lot around here I am not denying that. But I know without a doubt that I could do 100% of everything and still she'd find a million excuses as to why she doesn't have time to think about or take interest in anything of a sexual nature.

I have hotwife kink, its something i long for. But I know it wont ever happen. So i need to just move on i guess and find something out to think about when i am horny.

I don't know why i'm sharing this, but i am.

Im in the same boat, only difference wife and I used to do MMF plenty before out son was born 7 years ago, so its been going on 8 years now. I love my wife and have slowly and causaly brought up finding another guy. I constantly get the "maybe next time, Im tired, or I just want to be with you this time...."
So this last weekend we went to vegas, just us two, and thought it was a great opportunity and my last shot of making it happen. Long story short i found a guy willing to flirt with my wife while she was gambling on her own, but a miscommunication ruined it when he was an hour late and then arrived when wife and I were about to eat. So the guy showed up and blowing up my phone and wife asked "who keeps calling you..." I ended up telling her my plan, she said "not this time (never a hard no). Wife didnt get mad but said disappointed i didnt say anything earlier. My response was "would you have changed your mind?" We agreed not to let this ruin our weekend so we just continued with diner and plans and had a lot of fun over the weekend.

What to do?

 

[coastalkid]

Im in the same boat

Im in the same boat, only difference wife and I used to do MMF plenty before out son was born 7 years ago, so its been going on 8 years now. I love my wife and have slowly and causaly brought up finding another guy. I constantly get the "maybe next time, Im tired, or I just want to be with you this time...."
So this last weekend we went to vegas, just us two, and thought it was a great opportunity and my last shot of making it happen. Long story short i found a guy willing to flirt with my wife while she was gambling on her own, but a miscommunication ruined it when he was an hour late and then arrived when wife and I were about to eat. So the guy showed up and blowing up my phone and wife asked "who keeps calling you..." I ended up telling her my plan, she said "not this time (never a hard no). Wife didnt get mad but said disappointed i didnt say anything earlier. My response was "would you have changed your mind?" We agreed not to let this ruin our weekend so we just continued with diner and plans and had a lot of fun over the weekend.

What to do?

Damn! It seemed like you were so close to reigniting that flame! At least she wasn't mad and hasn't given you the "hard no"! Hopefully you're wrong about that being your last chance.

 

[blackapollo]

does she watches porn with you?

 

[Bobbelcher1971]

I hear you and sympathise. Mine is similar.

 

[blackmann33]

Im in the same boat

Im in the same boat, only difference wife and I used to do MMF plenty before out son was born 7 years ago, so its been going on 8 years now. I love my wife and have slowly and causaly brought up finding another guy. I constantly get the "maybe next time, Im tired, or I just want to be with you this time...."
So this last weekend we went to vegas, just us two, and thought it was a great opportunity and my last shot of making it happen. Long story short i found a guy willing to flirt with my wife while she was gambling on her own, but a miscommunication ruined it when he was an hour late and then arrived when wife and I were about to eat. So the guy showed up and blowing up my phone and wife asked "who keeps calling you..." I ended up telling her my plan, she said "not this time (never a hard no). Wife didnt get mad but said disappointed i didnt say anything earlier. My response was "would you have changed your mind?" We agreed not to let this ruin our weekend so we just continued with diner and plans and had a lot of fun over the weekend.

What to do?

I can relate. My wife had a kid late last year and since then almost all the kinky sex talk have come to a stop. She's still flirty and will grab my crotch or ass being playful, but she is with the baby all the time (it seems) and our sex has stalled to the point of my frustration. I hoped to light a spark when I told her I signed up for 3Fun but she didnt seem interested.

I have told her so she knows how I feel but I have not figured out the secret to getting back into the game yet. She is culturally conservative (Asian culture) but otherwise pretty open sexually behind closed doors. She also enjoys talking dirty with her (girl) friends. I know if I push too hard, it's a turn off for her so I'm just waiting.... with my hard dick in my hand.

 

[Robbiann_CD]

I think i need to accept that fact that my darling wife has zero interest in anything kinky. I use the term kinky because it covers pretty much everything, from light bdsm to cuckolding.
Anyway, my wife is as vanilla as vanilla comes. She doesn't touch herself, never has apparently. She doesn't have fantasies, she doesn't have any desires needs or wants in the bedroom.
Look I get it, we have two kids who take up all our time. She's a work-a-holic, all she does is work. All she talks about is work. All she thinks about is work. If she's not working she's cleaning, always cleaning.
I try to bring up something kinky like, lets try some light restraints, nope no interest at all. I try bringing up things she might like, its not received with interest or curiosity its met with exhaustion, annoyance and frustration. Like its another thing that someone is demanding from her.
She will say things like, you've got to get your head out of your dick and into the real world.

She will say things like, well maybe if you cleaned up after yourself and helped around the house more she'd have the time and headspace to get into that frame of mind. But thats bullshit. I do everything for the kids, feed, clean, cloth, teach, drive them around, do all the washing, make dinner etc etc.
And yes she does a lot around here I am not denying that. But I know without a doubt that I could do 100% of everything and still she'd find a million excuses as to why she doesn't have time to think about or take interest in anything of a sexual nature.

I have hotwife kink, its something i long for. But I know it wont ever happen. So i need to just move on i guess and find something out to think about when i am horny.

I don't know why i'm sharing this, but i am.

I'll say this before I've read anyone else's responses, you sound exactly like me and your wife sounds exactly like mine...

For many years, I begged for sex almost daily. I'd get the "you just had some last week" or "it's not been that long" responses, I guess 6 months wasn't long enough to her. I'd ask about fantasies, "before me have you ever been with a girl, couple of guys or a group"... no was always the response. I'd ask, no I'd beg her, to touch herself while we were having sex (which wasn't often)... she'd never do it and say she'd never touched herself before (lie).

I'd ask her what she liked and what she wanted to do in the bedroom, "nothing" was her response. I would get the response sometimes of "if you didn't ask for it all the time, you might get it more often", which was a ploy to get me to stop bothering her. I also heard the answers to my questions as being that if I did more around the house, if I did this or that... blah blah blah - I was the only one who worked, she stayed at home.

We got to the point that sex was a little more often but still very sporadic. I can count on one hand how many times she'd cummed from me fucking her with my dick... countless by hand or tongue and I'm average length. We separated, the sex started pouring in almost daily, she didn't want me to develop any relationship with a female I'd tried to start dating. Keep in mind, she was seeing someone at this point too and to quote her "fucking is good shit".

I'll spare the rest and get to the point of her last boyfriend when we separated the last time - finding the screenshots of her conversations with him - she did everything with this person that she wouldn't ever do with me. All of it. Do you know why? Her words to this person, in a screenshot, "I enjoy doing those things with you because there's an attraction and there wasn't one with him". So in my opinion, it's an attraction issue when I hear someone say these things. And I've confronted her lately on it, this happened about 10 years ago. Still to this day - zero response about it.

And that may not be your problem but it you sure sound like me and my situation. No, she does not know about "me" but I'd like to share it with her but if there's not been any attraction, imagine what it would be if I told her the truth about myself?

 

[Robbiann_CD]

I think i need to accept that fact that my darling wife has zero interest in anything kinky. I use the term kinky because it covers pretty much everything, from light bdsm to cuckolding.
Anyway, my wife is as vanilla as vanilla comes. She doesn't touch herself, never has apparently. She doesn't have fantasies, she doesn't have any desires needs or wants in the bedroom.
Look I get it, we have two kids who take up all our time. She's a work-a-holic, all she does is work. All she talks about is work. All she thinks about is work. If she's not working she's cleaning, always cleaning.
I try to bring up something kinky like, lets try some light restraints, nope no interest at all. I try bringing up things she might like, its not received with interest or curiosity its met with exhaustion, annoyance and frustration. Like its another thing that someone is demanding from her.
She will say things like, you've got to get your head out of your dick and into the real world.

She will say things like, well maybe if you cleaned up after yourself and helped around the house more she'd have the time and headspace to get into that frame of mind. But thats bullshit. I do everything for the kids, feed, clean, cloth, teach, drive them around, do all the washing, make dinner etc etc.
And yes she does a lot around here I am not denying that. But I know without a doubt that I could do 100% of everything and still she'd find a million excuses as to why she doesn't have time to think about or take interest in anything of a sexual nature.

I have hotwife kink, its something i long for. But I know it wont ever happen. So i need to just move on i guess and find something out to think about when i am horny.

I don't know why i'm sharing this, but i am.

Also... counseling. I begged her numerous times for us to go and she said "I'm not telling some stranger my problems". She didn't want the truth to come out, that's what the problem was...

 

[Robbiann_CD]

Its 100% a thing bought up and led by me.
This is how the conversation will go.

Me: Hey babe, can i lock up?
Her: yeah sure, if you want.

There no real zest for chastity. No teasing, no making me sub for her, nothing at all.

I don't mean to bomb your thread with "me" but I did the same thing... I even wrote a damn dissertation basically on why I wanted it and how I thought it would help our relationship... no response at all. After several days, I made mention of us having sex and she gave one of her usual responses and I flipped. An hour later, several points of my blood pressure higher and me wanting to punch holes in the walls - nothing. So I lock myself up in private and enjoy myself alone. I still have some hope on this one though, it's got better and especially within the last few weeks but I just have zero faith that it'll work out like I want it to for both of us.

 

[Robbiann_CD]

Thats not a terrible idea. I wonder how i can bring that up in a causal conversation.

It's not a bad idea but SHE has the want to do it. My wife IS on estradiol patches and nothing has changed, she says her "drive" is zero, said this just last night. And we've had some ups and downs sexually on some of this, it's been a very confusing rollercoaster ride.

If the wife wants to "fix" the problem, there will be a solution but otherwise, me, you, we... are banging our heads into the wall for nothing.

 

[Wolf0491]

I think i need to accept that fact that my darling wife has zero interest in anything kinky. I use the term kinky because it covers pretty much everything, from light bdsm to cuckolding.
Anyway, my wife is as vanilla as vanilla comes. She doesn't touch herself, never has apparently. She doesn't have fantasies, she doesn't have any desires needs or wants in the bedroom.
Look I get it, we have two kids who take up all our time. She's a work-a-holic, all she does is work. All she talks about is work. All she thinks about is work. If she's not working she's cleaning, always cleaning.
I try to bring up something kinky like, lets try some light restraints, nope no interest at all. I try bringing up things she might like, its not received with interest or curiosity its met with exhaustion, annoyance and frustration. Like its another thing that someone is demanding from her.
She will say things like, you've got to get your head out of your dick and into the real world.

She will say things like, well maybe if you cleaned up after yourself and helped around the house more she'd have the time and headspace to get into that frame of mind. But thats bullshit. I do everything for the kids, feed, clean, cloth, teach, drive them around, do all the washing, make dinner etc etc.
And yes she does a lot around here I am not denying that. But I know without a doubt that I could do 100% of everything and still she'd find a million excuses as to why she doesn't have time to think about or take interest in anything of a sexual nature.

I have hotwife kink, its something i long for. But I know it wont ever happen. So i need to just move on i guess and find something out to think about when i am horny.

I don't know why i'm sharing this, but i am.

Take on more responsibility and see if your theory is true. I’m not saying you don’t pull your weight but try taking on more and see if anything changes. If nothing changes then atleast you know where you stand.

 

[Azncouple21]

I can relate. My wife had a kid late last year and since then almost all the kinky sex talk have come to a stop. She's still flirty and will grab my crotch or ass being playful, but she is with the baby all the time (it seems) and our sex has stalled to the point of my frustration. I hoped to light a spark when I told her I signed up for 3Fun but she didnt seem interested.

I have told her so she knows how I feel but I have not figured out the secret to getting back into the game yet. She is culturally conservative (Asian culture) but otherwise pretty open sexually behind closed doors. She also enjoys talking dirty with her (girl) friends. I know if I push too hard, it's a turn off for her so I'm just waiting.... with my hard dick in my hand.

a black cock in an asian slutwife mouth is hot

 

[blackmann33]

a black cock in an asian slutwife mouth is hot

Agreed 100%. I have more than a few pics 🙂

Although my girl rarely sucks me to completion unless I "force" her. She's not into cum play at all

 

[zygela]

I think i need to accept that fact that my darling wife has zero interest in anything kinky. I use the term kinky because it covers pretty much everything, from light bdsm to cuckolding.
Anyway, my wife is as vanilla as vanilla comes. She doesn't touch herself, never has apparently. She doesn't have fantasies, she doesn't have any desires needs or wants in the bedroom.
Look I get it, we have two kids who take up all our time. She's a work-a-holic, all she does is work. All she talks about is work. All she thinks about is work. If she's not working she's cleaning, always cleaning.
I try to bring up something kinky like, lets try some light restraints, nope no interest at all. I try bringing up things she might like, its not received with interest or curiosity its met with exhaustion, annoyance and frustration. Like its another thing that someone is demanding from her.
She will say things like, you've got to get your head out of your dick and into the real world.

She will say things like, well maybe if you cleaned up after yourself and helped around the house more she'd have the time and headspace to get into that frame of mind. But thats bullshit. I do everything for the kids, feed, clean, cloth, teach, drive them around, do all the washing, make dinner etc etc.
And yes she does a lot around here I am not denying that. But I know without a doubt that I could do 100% of everything and still she'd find a million excuses as to why she doesn't have time to think about or take interest in anything of a sexual nature.

I have hotwife kink, its something i long for. But I know it wont ever happen. So i need to just move on i guess and find something out to think about when i am horny.

I don't know why i'm sharing this, but i am.

So sorry you're going through this man...and I get you.

I only read a couple of responses but I do not think you need counseling based on what you said. If you are being honest in what you said, she needs the counseling. Then, I would suggest you invest more in yourself...as in focus on you...do things you want to do and don't worry so much about her. If she asks you to spend time, you tell her you are busy doing XYZ. On top of that, start dressing up a bit more, look nice and as a result, if you get compliments from other women THAT IS PERFECT! Once a woman knows that other women find you attractive and they are noticing, it's a major game changer. Trust me!