Is this a soft or hard no? What next?

[drakebelg]

My wife is very private with her feelings of love and lust so I need to think about all the small pieces of conversation and signs a lot. Getting experienced help and insights is also really helpful.

Back in 2018 I had very strong suspicions that my wife was dying to fuck her hung ex who was her colleague. This in fact was the trigger for me when I realised I would love the hotwife relationship. I sent her an email saying she had a clear go from me but I needed to know about it. My major mistake was not to discuss this at the time. I was great at writing but we were bad in verbalising. We are improving now. He came up a lot in conversations even her asking if she should measure him, which I of course said yes to. What stopped it was he fell for a colleague friend of my wife, and it was clear my wife was jealous and annoyed. Over the years she mentions him now and again and of course I make references to his huge cock.

Below is our conversation from 2 days ago, how I was the clearest yet with my wife about wanting it to happen.

We sat down a day later to talk about it...big improvement for us👍. She said she was surprised with my clear admission. She said it won't happen. She said she likes the fantasy but she wouldn't be able to have sex when she doesn't have some type of emotional connection with the guy. I asked what about when you were seeing 2 guys secretly at the same time before me, even sex on the same day? She has done this a few times before she met me. She said even then she had some type of connection. She said she teased me about the hot rugby players because she knew she would never meet them.
I said it's something we would only do if both of us want to but we can use it in our roleplaying and cock sleeves. I asked if she would talk about her past sexlife and she said she is quite private about her past but she didn't say no.

So, what next?
I think it's a slightly soft no, am I too optimistic here? The key here is that she did not mention at all that she wouldn't like to do it because of betraying me. Her major point is making the emotional connection with the other man. She can't mean love because we had sex on our second date and she even wanted it on the first. She told me she has often fucked guys on the first date. I guess she thinks love but probably is meaning fancying someone.

In a way I am also a bit annoyed because what I believe is, her almost affair with her hung ex is what got me into this, but she still hasn't told me what went on in her head back in 2018. Should I just leave this part alone. Or at a later date say that she knows him, likes him and loves his cock so she has the emotional connection here?

Damn, are there people that do video calls to advise about this 🤣?

---------------------------------------------------------------
I had to write this down to get my head around it. Let me know your thoughts and tips for my next steps.

Making it very clear to my wife I want her to fuck around.
17/09/2023 19:00
A positive update. We were watching a rugby match of Fiji v Australia and she started talking about one player saying he was really hot, to be honest this guy is impressive and the captain. I asked would you pick him or the hockey player from the Belgian national team. She picked the huge Fijian and said she wouldn't be able to refuse him, and I wouldn't be able to stop her.

I started rubbing her pussy and said the idea turns me on a lot. By now my dick was in her loose pussy and I said, he probably has a huge cock and imagine if he was 10cm longer than me, just like her huge ex. Imagine how it would feel in your big pussy. Think how good the huge ex sized cock sleeve feels in you. Remember how crazy you go with that huge sleeve fucking you, it felt even better than that with your hung ex I bet. She gave a big smile, moaning slightly and a distant look in her eyes clearly agreeing and thinking about it. You would be able to do your favourite reverse cowgirl position again that we never do. 22 years together and you never told me and we never do it. You still have many sex secrets, and she definitely smiled smugly at this.

I took the the jump saying I would love you to fuck the Fijian or another hung guy. She enjoyed this. "Really?" Oh yes I really would love it. "But you aren't allowed to ...... around with a woman?" No, I don't need or want that, I just want to know you are having intense sex again. "You really mean I can have affairs?" Yes, I am sure but I just want to know about it. Would you like me to watch or not? "No, I don't want you peeping". I would prefer to watch but otherwise I just want to hear all the details. She smiled at this and got turned on. She needed confirmation so she asked if it's not just a fantasy. I said no I am certain, it would really turn me on to know she is having great sex. I told her she can use our available flat as her 'pleasure paradise' to fuck other men. I think i pointed out how little stimulation my dick was giving her. Then I said you could take your hung ex to the flat. She thought about it, said hmm no, so I asked why not? You know you would have amazing intense sex with him and could enjoy your favourite position again with him. She smiled at this and just made a acknowledging moaning sound. I said that's why I love seeing your intense pleasure from the huge sleeves, it gives me an idea of how it was for you and how it can be again.

In spoons she then started banging into me trying to get me as deep as possible. By stroking her clit we got her eventually to an orgasm.

Afterwards she was quite but affectionate. I was very attentive to her and it was a relaxing evening.

My guess is.
She is open to it but needs time.
She is happy I don't want to fuck around.
She loves pointing out other men and thinks about fucking them.
She knows her hung ex would be a great fuck.
She has plenty of sex secrets from the past that she hasn't mentioned.
She misses intense big dick sex.
She surprised me that she doesn't want me there watching like a "peeping tom". Does she want to humiliate me or is it just her wanting to have fun alone?

I need to read up all the advice posts to decide on the next steps, but carefully.

 

[peelthemdown]

Reading what you have put, I think that she doesn't want sex with her ex, which could be for a number of reasons:

1 how and why did it end? There may be bad stuff that she hasn't opened up to you about.

2 she may not want to complicate things at work, especially now there is another work colleague involved.

3 she may fear that he would reject her advances, which would be humiliating for her.

But she is clearly interested in other men.

If she was so excited by the Fijian rugby player, why did you mention the ex? Watch the next Fiji match, get her to focus on him again, and don't mention the ex. If you MUST talk about someone else, ask her if he reminds her of anyone that she knows. But it would be better if you just LISTEN to what she is saying and let her take the lead.

So, she is certainly up for fantasising about taking a lover, just not her ex. She is up for masturbation play while watching men she finds hot.

That doesn't mean that she will have an affair, or cheat. But she has in the past.

The single biggest thing that comes out is that you say that she doesn't like to talk about her sexual thoughts, but when she did you changed it back to talking about her ex.

You need to listen better. Switch off the idea that you can make the conversation go in a particular direction and learn to enjoy following where she wants to take it. That way you will have an adventure into her sexual imagination, which is something to be enjoyed and treasured.

It is a privilege to have somebody trust you with their inmost thoughts and desires. She doesn't let just anyone in there, and right now, it seems the last person she wants trampling around in there is the ghost of her ex, for whatever reason.

Listen to her, respond positively to her desires, and she will open up more to you.

 

[drakebelg]

Reading what you have put, I think that she doesn't want sex with her ex, which could be for a number of reasons:

1 how and why did it end? There may be bad stuff that she hasn't opened up to you about.

2 she may not want to complicate things at work, especially now there is another work colleague involved.

3 she may fear that he would reject her advances, which would be humiliating for her.

But she is clearly interested in other men.

If she was so excited by the Fijian rugby player, why did you mention the ex? Watch the next Fiji match, get her to focus on him again, and don't mention the ex. If you MUST talk about someone else, ask her if he reminds her of anyone that she knows. But it would be better if you just LISTEN to what she is saying and let her take the lead.

So, she is certainly up for fantasising about taking a lover, just not her ex. She is up for masturbation play while watching men she finds hot.

That doesn't mean that she will have an affair, or cheat. But she has in the past.

The single biggest thing that comes out is that you say that she doesn't like to talk about her sexual thoughts, but when she did you changed it back to talking about her ex.

You need to listen better. Switch off the idea that you can make the conversation go in a particular direction and learn to enjoy following where she wants to take it. That way you will have an adventure into her sexual imagination, which is something to be enjoyed and treasured.

It is a privilege to have somebody trust you with their inmost thoughts and desires. She doesn't let just anyone in there, and right now, it seems the last person she wants trampling around in there is the ghost of her ex, for whatever reason.

Listen to her, respond positively to her desires, and she will open up more to you.

This is a very good point. Thank you. I will not mention him to her anymore. I am very sure though that she will mention him again sometime.

Way back in 1993 they were together only for about 3-6 months. They were serious (I really liked him, great sex, funny, hung,...) but she didn't want to be serious at the time due to being 23. With your insight, I think he humiliated her a bit in 2018 when she was really into him, and maybe she was close to having an affair with him. He chose the friend/colleague for a while then he left that work. If she sees him around once every few months she does talk about him again. So I suppose she is still into him but got a bit humiliated. I hadn't seen it this way so thanks. I suppose I saw him as the perfect number 3 (know each other, huge dick, great sex...) but with this insight I will leave him to rest and focus on listening to her.

 

[wormwood]

My wife is very private with her feelings of love and lust so I need to think about all the small pieces of conversation and signs a lot. Getting experienced help and insights is also really helpful.

Back in 2018 I had very strong suspicions that my wife was dying to fuck her hung ex who was her colleague. This in fact was the trigger for me when I realised I would love the hotwife relationship. I sent her an email saying she had a clear go from me but I needed to know about it. My major mistake was not to discuss this at the time. I was great at writing but we were bad in verbalising. We are improving now. He came up a lot in conversations even her asking if she should measure him, which I of course said yes to. What stopped it was he fell for a colleague friend of my wife, and it was clear my wife was jealous and annoyed. Over the years she mentions him now and again and of course I make references to his huge cock.

Below is our conversation from 2 days ago, how I was the clearest yet with my wife about wanting it to happen.

We sat down a day later to talk about it...big improvement for us👍. She said she was surprised with my clear admission. She said it won't happen. She said she likes the fantasy but she wouldn't be able to have sex when she doesn't have some type of emotional connection with the guy. I asked what about when you were seeing 2 guys secretly at the same time before me, even sex on the same day? She has done this a few times before she met me. She said even then she had some type of connection. She said she teased me about the hot rugby players because she knew she would never meet them.
I said it's something we would only do if both of us want to but we can use it in our roleplaying and cock sleeves. I asked if she would talk about her past sexlife and she said she is quite private about her past but she didn't say no.

So, what next?
I think it's a slightly soft no, am I too optimistic here? The key here is that she did not mention at all that she wouldn't like to do it because of betraying me. Her major point is making the emotional connection with the other man. She can't mean love because we had sex on our second date and she even wanted it on the first. She told me she has often fucked guys on the first date. I guess she thinks love but probably is meaning fancying someone.

In a way I am also a bit annoyed because what I believe is, her almost affair with her hung ex is what got me into this, but she still hasn't told me what went on in her head back in 2018. Should I just leave this part alone. Or at a later date say that she knows him, likes him and loves his cock so she has the emotional connection here?

Damn, are there people that do video calls to advise about this 🤣?

---------------------------------------------------------------
I had to write this down to get my head around it. Let me know your thoughts and tips for my next steps.

Making it very clear to my wife I want her to fuck around.
17/09/2023 19:00
A positive update. We were watching a rugby match of Fiji v Australia and she started talking about one player saying he was really hot, to be honest this guy is impressive and the captain. I asked would you pick him or the hockey player from the Belgian national team. She picked the huge Fijian and said she wouldn't be able to refuse him, and I wouldn't be able to stop her.

I started rubbing her pussy and said the idea turns me on a lot. By now my dick was in her loose pussy and I said, he probably has a huge cock and imagine if he was 10cm longer than me, just like her huge ex. Imagine how it would feel in your big pussy. Think how good the huge ex sized cock sleeve feels in you. Remember how crazy you go with that huge sleeve fucking you, it felt even better than that with your hung ex I bet. She gave a big smile, moaning slightly and a distant look in her eyes clearly agreeing and thinking about it. You would be able to do your favourite reverse cowgirl position again that we never do. 22 years together and you never told me and we never do it. You still have many sex secrets, and she definitely smiled smugly at this.

I took the the jump saying I would love you to fuck the Fijian or another hung guy. She enjoyed this. "Really?" Oh yes I really would love it. "But you aren't allowed to ...... around with a woman?" No, I don't need or want that, I just want to know you are having intense sex again. "You really mean I can have affairs?" Yes, I am sure but I just want to know about it. Would you like me to watch or not? "No, I don't want you peeping". I would prefer to watch but otherwise I just want to hear all the details. She smiled at this and got turned on. She needed confirmation so she asked if it's not just a fantasy. I said no I am certain, it would really turn me on to know she is having great sex. I told her she can use our available flat as her 'pleasure paradise' to fuck other men. I think i pointed out how little stimulation my dick was giving her. Then I said you could take your hung ex to the flat. She thought about it, said hmm no, so I asked why not? You know you would have amazing intense sex with him and could enjoy your favourite position again with him. She smiled at this and just made a acknowledging moaning sound. I said that's why I love seeing your intense pleasure from the huge sleeves, it gives me an idea of how it was for you and how it can be again.

In spoons she then started banging into me trying to get me as deep as possible. By stroking her clit we got her eventually to an orgasm.

Afterwards she was quite but affectionate. I was very attentive to her and it was a relaxing evening.

My guess is.
She is open to it but needs time.
She is happy I don't want to fuck around.
She loves pointing out other men and thinks about fucking them.
She knows her hung ex would be a great fuck.
She has plenty of sex secrets from the past that she hasn't mentioned.
She misses intense big dick sex.
She surprised me that she doesn't want me there watching like a "peeping tom". Does she want to humiliate me or is it just her wanting to have fun alone?

I need to read up all the advice posts to decide on the next steps, but carefully.

I think you've got her well on her way. The only thing holding her up is herself. You just need to give her confirmation that you are serious and a few gentle nudges from time to time.
She's clearly holding a grudge against the ex you keep pushing her to. He rejected her, picked another woman and hurt her feelings/pride. Seems like he's a no-go and I would stop bringing him up.
She doesn't want to perform in front of you until she feels more comfortable with the whole situation. Perhaps you should put any ideas about watching on the back burner. If she feels that uncomfortable with you sexually, not willing to share everything, reticent about divulging her "slut side", she may never feel comfortable with you watching. Get used to the idea that you may be eating a lot of cream pies and getting sloppy seconds for quite a while.
If she needs a connection to the guy, it may just be that she needs to feel some connection to him that doesn't make it feel like a zipless fuck. She might just need to feel comfortable around him and have a good sense of his inner workings so that she's not getting involved with a creep. It doesn't have to be love, just comfort. Find a way to put her in those situations with other men. If she has a "pleasure paradise", it may just give her the freedom she needs as long as she doesn't expect you to come barging in or that you've set up a surveilance system. (might be giving you an idea there?)

 

[drakebelg]

Great feedback, thanks.
I think gentle and patient nudging is the way. It's finding the right way to do it.

I'm definitely stopping with pushing on the ex due to her pride being hurt by him. If he hadn't gone for the other woman I am almost certain he would have launched her as a hotwife. The more I think about it rejection might have had a much, much bigger affect than I had realised.

I've no problem with not being there and even liked her response to how she doesn't want a pervert peeping Tom 😂 there. I would prefer watching but if not being there is a stepping stone I'm fine with that. Sloppy seconds I'm all in for and I hadn't thought about eating cream pies but it might be hot.

Sometimes she enjoys being the slut like today I was in her after she had a major orgasm from a big cock sleeve and she enjoyed teasing me that I was so small compared to the sleeve. She has admitted she is a size queen and she loves she has a huge wet pussy.

I think you are spot on about the connection point. It's just the normal getting comfortable time before fucking. I hadn't spent more than 3 hour's with her on our blind date before she grabbed my dick and on the next date it was a very quick dinner and straight into her soaking pussy, yummy.

If she says she needs a connection you can start going out to bars/pubs and drinking and mention so and so is checking you out etc, then leave to use the bathroom for a while see if anyone approaches. Do that a few times. She’ll start chatting and just keep waiting till she makes that instant hot connection. It may push her over? My wife is same way about connections. Still waiting for the right situation to Come up. She had met 2 young guys she said she may have taken to the woods but it was at a family event. I keep trying to recreate it. lol good luck!

edited for bad auto correct

Since the whole bloody lock down thing our going to bars has never gotten back on track We go to nice restaurants and friends houses but I am going to start taking us out to evening bars. She is 53 but looks a pretty 40 so guys would definitely want her.

 

[drakebelg]

Yea just my .02 cents. I dont want to push too much myself as what we have is great! So praying the long game until it’s her idea. She’s sometimes warming to it and sometimes dead set against it. So I’ll see! Wish you well!

It sounds like it could be similar with my wife. Good luck. Whatever happens it's definetly not boring.

 

[drakebelg]

We are taking very, very small steps here. I am focusing on her feeling good about herself, we are having fun with it and she is loving the attention.
1-I've gotten her to mostly wear shorter dresses and skirts when she goes out. She even started talking about how she regrets not getting dressed up more sexy when she was younger. I said you have lots of time left to do it, so try it.
2-She is 53 but could easily pass for 40 and we started joking about it. I said if we bump into anyone we will say she is 38. She seems to enjoy it and it makes her feel great.
3-She has great legs so while out walking I made a video and sent it to her later in a gif with sexy text. I told her I saw 3 guys staring at her, she was surprised but liked it;
4-While watching rugby she spontaneously started talking about finding a huge guy very attractive. While fucking her in spoons I said she would love to be in his arms and she moaned so sexily.
5-While having sex I asked if she would like the long cocksleeve and she said yes. She was struggling to take the full 9" in missionary so I said if you want it deep spoons works really good for you. She rolled over quickly (lol) ans her moans were crazy when it was immediately buried in her. She had a crazy intense orgasm. Then with me in her with no moaning i got her to talk about how much better the big cock. great fun.
6-She agrees that we need to reactivate our nightlife so we got together 2 times and she went once with a girlfriend. Nothing crazy, juts getting out there.
7-Big cocksleeve sex is planned in today (her request due to kids away) so maybe I might use it in roll play....

 

[drakebelg]

7-Big cocksleeve sex is planned in today (her request due to kids away) so maybe I might use it in roll play....

OMG this afternoon was fantastic, and definitely progress. I had hotwife porn ready to watch where the wife explains exactly what's going on https://www.xvideos.com/video25124419/blacked_kendra_sunderland_obsession_part_1. Its a great scene for introducing the hotwife idea. My wife reminded me we had planned to use the sleeves and she asked me to put on the long straight away even before foreplay. After licking her to orgasm while she watched the hotwife porn she turned on her side and wanted the huge sleeve. I told her to imagine it was one of her favourite rugby players fucking her and damn, she loved it. After a second intense orgasm I took off the long sleeve and put on a small one (8.75x7.75). I said there is another guy here to fuck you, and I fucked her really roughly, not the normal me until she came again. I then slid in and said those guys had really stretched her out. I asked if they came in her, she moaned yes, you should cum now and I came immediately. She was really happy and affectionate for the rest of the day.

 

[drakebelg]

Another first. Small but at the same time big because of it being a major change. I was allowed to make a short video of me fucking her with a big cock sleeve first time ever. Up to now this has been a 100% no, even taking a photo. Even better was, she asked what will I do with it. I said jerk off to it and post it online if she wants. What she said next jokingly was typically her "you'll do it anyway". I said I won't do it if she doesn't want and she said go ahead. Wow, what a change. This is her indirect way of asking me to post it .... but it's my idea and initiative. I am pretty sure she is the type of woman who won't go hunting for a bull but if I would create the opportunity or it would happen by accident she would go for it.

After she asked for me to fuck her with a big sleeve I layed 5 out in front of her and she felt them all before picking out the Shane diesel one. I reminded her that this was the one that blew her mind the day after she fell asleep while I fucked her slowly. I laughed saying this big cock was again another proof of her size queen credentials which made her moan