I can personally attest to the great difficulty in being married to a wife raised in an ultra conservative Christian household. It has taken decades to put a small dent in that wall. My wife knows I crave sex but after years of her being ambivalent towards sex caused me to shut down. She's always known that a "good wife" doesn't withhold sex from her husband and she would have sex with me as a form of obligation. She never understood the implications. It didn't sink in until I failed to get hard for her. It had been more than a month since the last time we had sex and I "should" have been more that n ready for it
I was in tears. I shut down. I felt like I lost my best my best friend. The ONE thing I wanted more than anything, a sex life that was fun and fulfilling was now something that was gone. My wife finally became aware of the depth of my heartache. I felt defeated and hopeless. I refused to discuss it with her, the pain and the absence of any hope was just too much to deal with. All the joy and life in my personality and behavior was gone. I felt like a zombie.
Eventually we did have a discussion. Even then my wife was so blinded by her attitude towards sex that she didn't understand her role in my feelings and emotions. She tried explaining herself by saying, "Sex just isn't as important to me as it obviously is to you." This statement was also obvious. She didn't consider how devastating her admission would be. I took it as another failure on my part to elevate her desire for sex. I didn't offer anything that she would crave. Even though she was not intending to cause more hurt, she did so unwittingly.
I think she's beginning to understand the results of her suppression of "all things sexual". Her comfort in ignoring it has shown it's visible impact on me and she has taken some ownership it's outcome. Things are getting better though. She has, at my request, engaged in being vocal during sex. She knows I find the hot wife scenario as exciting. She of course has said it would never happen. I told her that I didn't expect her to do anything she didn't want to do.
She has agreed to engage in "dirty talk" in bed. She was timid and awkward at first but now she has come up with stuff that even surprises me. She's learned to make me orgasm whenever she wants me to just by talking. I'm re-energized as a result and I can see her being comforted by my renewed enthusiasm in her smile. We've also had much more frequent and satisfying sex.
We have been married 47 years and I would say dealing with a conservative spouse is one of the three toughest hurdles in having a satisfying sex life. The two other major "showstoppers" were post-partum depression and menopause. Amazingly, we are still together. We may be moving at a snail's pace but we are moving!
