Your comment about distrust and lack of love being the main issues is probably right, and it seems clear from your correspondence that your marriage doesn't suffer from either of those. With my wife, I don't know what to believe any more. I thought I knew her, but I obviously didn't. She insists that she loves me, but I don't see her showing it; in fact, in many ways it seems the opposite. (I think I mentioned that, after I caught her cheating a month or so ago that she insisted that I look at the site to learn about an alternative sex lifestyle, hoping that I would participate in it with her.) I admit that I was raised very conservatively (my parents wouldn't even let me go to sex ed in school), and my wife always claimed that she was as well. Her recent affair, and my reading on this site opened my eyes in a number of ways, including who my wife is, and how she seems to feel about me. I gave her oral sex almost every time we had sex, trying to be sure that she had an orgasm (was she faking them?). In contrast, whenever I asked her for oral sex she refused, saying it was "dirty". I accepted that, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. Yet, in the video that one of her lovers sent to me, among the acts was a very long blowjob in which he appeared to ejaculate into her mouth and she swallowed. How was that not just as dirty as putting her mouth on my penis? At the same time, the level of sexual intimacy that she has seemed to want from me has steadily declined. For the most part over the last year or so she has preferred to give me handjobs rather than letting me penetrate her, and she is always careful not to get my semen on her clothes, or any part of her body other than her hand and a towel, and then she always washes her hands immediately. When I do get penetrative sex, she always wants me to hold off on giving her oral sex until I have ejaculated in her, almost as though she wants me to clean up my own mess. Looking back, it is easier for me to think that she is revolted by me, rather than that she loves me.
Looking at this site, if I can believe what is said and seen (and I suspect that not everything here is "real" - which I'm not directing at you two, who certainly seem to be sincere) it does seem that I am not able to avoid ejaculating as long as many (most?) men, but the medical definition of premature ejaculation is two minutes, and I'm sure I usually hit that. I have certainly never thought that I was a great lover, and know that my wife is much more attractive than I am (albeit not as attractive as the captioned pictures that you posted).
In the context of this, why is she so insistent that she loves me and does not want me to leave her? She doesn't seem to need me for sex and subjected me to the horrible incident on Saturday night. And, no, she doesn't need money; she owns half of our business and could retire now and be independently secure. Maybe she just finds it exciting to humiliate me (which looks like part of the lifestyle, at least sometimes).
Your conclusion is also right, the forward outlook is a sad one for me and I'm sure I seem pathetic to you - I feel that way. Thanks for listening. I do appreciate your perspective and have not finally rejected the idea of going along with her. She keeps bringing up the idea of watching her having sex with other men (emphasizing that I can masturbate during it), and again I'm considering that although I would probably be more comfortable just telling her I'd turn a blind eye to whatever she wants to do (though I wouldn't want her to see the kid Bryan again because he knows one of my sons). I think she'd have to convince me that she does still love me.
I need a drink.