Wife had new boyfriend(?)

[Phun Times 727]

For you personally, you've found something to get out of your wife's hot wife lifestyle. To me that's critically important. No matter what anyone says, we live in a transactional society. Everybody gets something for having given something. When it gets difficult is when it becomes one-sided enough to foster feelings of disparity which leads to resentment. If you can perceive an "ROI" for your part in your wife's activities then you have a motive to continue. If you don't see any tangible ROI then what's the point? Sure, she may be getting much more out of it than you are BUT as long as you are getting SOMETHING out of it then it's worth it until it isn't.

What is crazy is believing ANYONE that says they don't want any sexual satisfaction of any kind at all AND is in a committed relationship. Why would you be with anyone that doesn't acknowledge that EVERYBODY has some form of sexual desire and want no matter how perverse or extreme or how vanilla? If you know your partner (the one you love with all your heart and soul) wants some kind of sexual experience and you intentionally deny it then what does that say about you?

Regarding that husband of your wife's friend, my guess is that he's getting a thrill out of his submissiveness. This will only last as long as he gets some form of sexual attention. Once it becomes so routine that his compliance is certain, the thrill will be significantly less for everyone. It simply won't be fun anymore because he's been broken, there's no resistance in his heart. His hot wife won't see him as a challenge to manipulate and use, she'll get bored, she'll see him as predictable and uninteresting. Even if you're a limp dicked, unattractive man you still have sexual desire and thoughts.

I predict that if your wife's hot wife friend doesn't catch on her husband will reach a tipping point and he'll see there's nothing (literally nothing) there for him, so why stay? Bottom line, it may not be equal, it may not be as good, but everybody needs to get something out of a relationship. If you have convinced yourself that that is unnecessary you are out of touch with reality.

So true and well said. So in my limited knowledge of their relationship which strictly came from his wife, I have yet to meet the guy. There is some barter system at play where he builds "credits" for good behavior. For instance she told us he chooses this situation of free will and does get some sexual interaction. If he wants to watch he agrees to be caged for a period of time prior to the encounter. He then gets into the wood rack thing which his head and arms get bound up as well as ankles. There is a hole in the center that she uncages, he put his dick through it and then gets recaged so his head, four limbs and dick are all restrained. He gets a gag and blind fold. She selectively undoes the blindfold then gag so he can see what is happening. At some point she feeds him a viagra or two but leaves him caged for several more hours. If he remains quiet and just watches she will clip a vibrator to his cage to stimulate him or release him from the cage and let his boner fly free in the air. Sometimes she will stroke it off for him when she is done with her guest. Sometimes this goes on all weekend. I couldn't imagine being locked in that crap and pissing in a bucket, being tilted against the wall to ...... and then willfully going back in the crap next time. So yes, he gets "something" but not damn much. I don't know exactly how long it has been like this exactly but she has had sex with other men for close to 10 years and he has not been in her since prior to covid. That would be rough. Now I am not sure if I ever want to meet him, I said previously I would but before all this came out. I have a picture in my mind of what to expect but I am likely totally wrong.

 

[coastalkid]

So true and well said. So in my limited knowledge of their relationship which strictly came from his wife, I have yet to meet the guy. There is some barter system at play where he builds "credits" for good behavior. For instance she told us he chooses this situation of free will and does get some sexual interaction. If he wants to watch he agrees to be caged for a period of time prior to the encounter. He then gets into the wood rack thing which his head and arms get bound up as well as ankles. There is a hole in the center that she uncages, he put his dick through it and then gets recaged so his head, four limbs and dick are all restrained. He gets a gag and blind fold. She selectively undoes the blindfold then gag so he can see what is happening. At some point she feeds him a viagra or two but leaves him caged for several more hours. If he remains quiet and just watches she will clip a vibrator to his cage to stimulate him or release him from the cage and let his boner fly free in the air. Sometimes she will stroke it off for him when she is done with her guest. Sometimes this goes on all weekend. I couldn't imagine being locked in that crap and pissing in a bucket, being tilted against the wall to ...... and then willfully going back in the crap next time. So yes, he gets "something" but not damn much. I don't know exactly how long it has been like this exactly but she has had sex with other men for close to 10 years and he has not been in her since prior to covid. That would be rough. Now I am not sure if I ever want to meet him, I said previously I would but before all this came out. I have a picture in my mind of what to expect but I am likely totally wrong.

What would you do if your wife acted interested in doing the same to you?

 

[Phun Times 727]

What would you do if your wife acted interested in doing the same to you?

Lace up my shoes and RUN!
That isn't our thing, she isn't into bondage , I tried years ago with soft stuff like pink handcuffs, gag etc. Didn't go anywhere, used it once and in the garbage it went. I like to film, need my hands free lol.

Its pretty damn extreme in my opinion. I don't get the restraint. In my case I could 100% stop them in the act if I chose to but I don't. In our case it is more about trust and love/respect for the other person. I see what she is doing and I want her to have that and she wants me to have the pleasure of watching. or jumping in.

 

[coastalkid]

Lace up my shoes and RUN!
That isn't our thing, she isn't into bondage , I tried years ago with soft stuff like pink handcuffs, gag etc. Didn't go anywhere, used it once and in the garbage it went. I like to film, need my hands free lol.

Its pretty damn extreme in my opinion. I don't get the restraint. In my case I could 100% stop them in the act if I chose to but I don't. In our case it is more about trust and love/respect for the other person. I see what she is doing and I want her to have that and she wants me to have the pleasure of watching. or jumping in.

Does your wife ever say anything about how her friend treats her husband? Has your wife ever asked or talked about how or wondered how they keep themselves together? At some point I would have to believe that his experience will become so routine that the attraction will lose its potency. Ten years of this kind of treatment has to have some long term consequences to anyone's mental health. If he is that compliant then it also makes sense that her sense of accomplishment would become diminished and not much of an accomplishment. Eventually he will become inconsequential and his participation unnecessary.

It always makes me wonder if the thrill in being a hot wife is directly associated with having a spouse? Would they lose interest if they were on their own? If a husband/bf becomes totally ambivalent as a result of giving their wife/gf total freedom would it be as fun? Is there joy to be found in having made a spouse uninterested in sex and where does it go from there?

 

[Phun Times 727]

Does your wife ever say anything about how her friend treats her husband? Has your wife ever asked or talked about how or wondered how they keep themselves together? At some point I would have to believe that his experience will become so routine that the attraction will lose its potency. Ten years of this kind of treatment has to have some long term consequences to anyone's mental health. If he is that compliant then it also makes sense that her sense of accomplishment would become diminished and not much of an accomplishment. Eventually he will become inconsequential and his participation unnecessary.

It always makes me wonder if the thrill in being a hot wife is directly associated with having a spouse? Would they lose interest if they were on their own? If a husband/bf becomes totally ambivalent as a result of giving their wife/gf total freedom would it be as fun? Is there joy to be found in having made a spouse uninterested in sex and where does it go from there?

I was reflecting on this not too long ago. From a clinical standpoint why does the hotwife need the husband? Sure there is likely security and maybe a relationship outside the bedroom, but it seems she has no issue in sourcing men for the job. She gets something there or it wouldn't exist.
I think if a woman really is going through a phase where she needs a lot of sex (my wife for example), a relationship (or two) is a guaranteed reliable source of sex. Being single is hit and miss even for a woman and requires a lot more time in meeting and setting up dates, weeding out weirdos etc. If a woman truly wants sex whenever and however, this seems the way to go.

 

[coastalkid]

I was reflecting on this not too long ago. From a clinical standpoint why does the hotwife need the husband? Sure there is likely security and maybe a relationship outside the bedroom, but it seems she has no issue in sourcing men for the job. She gets something there or it wouldn't exist.
I think if a woman really is going through a phase where she needs a lot of sex (my wife for example), a relationship (or two) is a guaranteed reliable source of sex. Being single is hit and miss even for a woman and requires a lot more time in meeting and setting up dates, weeding out weirdos etc. If a woman truly wants sex whenever and however, this seems the way to go.

But has your wife ever said anything about how she views her friends relationship? Clearly it's (their relationship) way out of the norm. Obviously you know what you know through your wife and she's shared this much with you. I'm just curious about whether your wife has expressed how extreme her friend's situation is and whether it's no big deal to your wife or whether she thinks the whole thing is destined to implode.

I believe you said you've never met this guy. I'm not sure I''d want to. He is clearly a broken man if he has gone along with this for 10 years. I get lost at wondering what a wife gets out of having a husband who's will has been destroyed. It seems so selfish and unloving to use him for her own security and disregard his happiness. No matter how his situation turns out he'll be scarred for life don't you think?

If your wife and her friend are so close I'd be super curious to know whether she has enough influence over your wife to convince her that it's no big deal and she could do the same if she really wanted it.

 

[Phun Times 727]

But has your wife ever said anything about how she views her friends relationship? Clearly it's (their relationship) way out of the norm. Obviously you know what you know through your wife and she's shared this much with you. I'm just curious about whether your wife has expressed how extreme her friend's situation is and whether it's no big deal to your wife or whether she thinks the whole thing is destined to implode.

I believe you said you've never met this guy. I'm not sure I''d want to. He is clearly a broken man if he has gone along with this for 10 years. I get lost at wondering what a wife gets out of having a husband who's will has been destroyed. It seems so selfish and unloving to use him for her own security and disregard his happiness. No matter how his situation turns out he'll be scarred for life don't you think?

If your wife and her friend are so close I'd be super curious to know whether she has enough influence over your wife to convince her that it's no big deal and she could do the same if she really wanted it.

We understand that our situation is not conventional however neither of us see how you can be in a relationship and only have sex with others but not your spouse. It seems pointless to stay with them. Sure, what we are choosing to do is not for everyone and I get that.

We are both really curious about the husband. There is no record of him anywhere in her life social media wise etc. Its like he is invisible. We were joking its a Weekend At Bernie's thing and she screwed him to death years ago and never figured it out.

We aren't going their route. We play around, , we have met with her boyfriend and I have willingly just watched for my own amusement but no we are not doing that crap. If she came to me and said that one time she wanted to tie me up and have sex with him and I watch, I would do it once but really it serves no purpose as I am not stopping things. If she told me that on a visit I had to watch only (she has not), I would do so thinking a hell of a show was about to unfold., but it doesn't happen.

 

[coastalkid]

We understand that our situation is not conventional however neither of us see how you can be in a relationship and only have sex with others but not your spouse. It seems pointless to stay with them. Sure, what we are choosing to do is not for everyone and I get that.

We are both really curious about the husband. There is no record of him anywhere in her life social media wise etc. Its like he is invisible. We were joking its a Weekend At Bernie's thing and she screwed him to death years ago and never figured it out.

We aren't going their route. We play around, , we have met with her boyfriend and I have willingly just watched for my own amusement but no we are not doing that crap. If she came to me and said that one time she wanted to tie me up and have sex with him and I watch, I would do it once but really it serves no purpose as I am not stopping things. If she told me that on a visit I had to watch only (she has not), I would do so thinking a hell of a show was about to unfold., but it doesn't happen.

There's no doubt in my mind that everyone does this their own way and while there may be some similarities no two are exactly alike. In your case, I'm reading that your wife knows what turns you on (as well as what doesn't) and keeps you involved and interested enough to make it fun for you both. You two have shared your kinks and your concerns with each other. It has to be easier than ever for you to initiate a discussion about sex now, at least I sure hope so.

I remember your first posts about your wife traveling with her BF. I thought you were crazy then, especially when you said your wife had this "friend" that was a hot wife. Now after reading so many of your posts you sound much more realistic and honest. There are so many stories here about men willingly giving up everything and trying to make it sound fulfilling. I believe it's instinct for anyone to want sex in some form or way. Willingly relinquishing that goes against ingrained biological traits. That's why it makes for "good stories". A truly good story is one like yours, believable, conceivable, and honest.

 

[Phun Times 727]

"ingrained biological traits" is epic and my new quote when I talk to the young crowd about their confusion on what they are lol.
You were right, I am crazy. Our friend couple that knows what we are doing, the guy tells me that all the time and he is right but he also passed on the opportunity so I guess both of us are a bit crazy.

This has been a hell of a journey. There are days I wonder if I made the right decision (s) related to engaging this fetish and my approach. You aren't always in the mood for this to be a part of your life. On a stressful day when she takes a call from him I have to stop myself from thinking he is making a booty call and realize my stressful day is not obvious to him so he is just doing what he feels is right. I think we have both done a good job communicating with each other and it has improved a lot this year. We really get to the point with specifics of what we want/don't want/can tolerate . A lot falls on her. She has to dig deep to admit what she wants even it doesn't sound right saying them. Not all things sound great to hear either but the idea is we have to have the ability to say it without hurting feelings. Not saying we can act on everything but we put as much on the table as we can. I think suppressing saying what you want in this situation leads to issues we don't want.
We have agreed conventional wisdom is tough to apply. We know what we are supposed to do but have made a decision to exist outside of the conventional norm of monogamy. We have adopted the phrase "knowing we are doing it wrong how do we do it as right as we can".