She's Very Close

[majorem]

To be fair, there is also the dominant that is in fact very secure and wants other partners. This typically falls into the stag / vixen group, not cuckold/hotwife.

All the subordinate activities (chastity, clean-up, etc.) are all there to demonstrate and gain acceptance in a submissive role. In basic mammalian psychology it is to remove the perceived male competition and to allow the 'man' to remain within the pack as a non-reproducing non-threat to the alpha males.

Yeah, I guess this is the cuck side of "sperm competition". Submissive men want to live out the social role they're programmed to accept.

I'm a dominant male and for me it's about feeling more attracted to and aroused by my wife when I feel like there is the potential for her to be promiscuous or just knowing other men probably want to fuck her. I guess the potential for competition sparks renewed interest.

I started to become aware of my feelings around this in my 20s after I broke up with a girl I'd dated through HS and College, where I was her first and only partner. As I started dating again, it was hard for me to accept that pretty much every girl in her 20s had slept with multiple people. I dated one girl for a while and she wanted to be exclusive but, after just leaving such a long relationship, I wasn't ready to commit to one person so soon. So we just casually dated and at some point, she revealed that she was going on a date with someone else. I told myself I didn't care, because I knew I didn't really want to be with her long-term but I was very anxious while she was out and after she told me they'd had sex. I felt sick, jealous and, while she expected me to be mad, I instead wanted her to come over. Somehow I just felt like I needed to have sex with her, to make her mine again...

Anyway, she was kind of crazy and I probably would have moved on sooner but somehow I found an irresistible allure to continue fucking her even as she dated this other guy. I just really got off (literally) on sending her back with a worn out, cum-filled pussy and it turned me on that she was such a slut. They actually got married eventually, so I'm assuming he is probably into some form of wife-sharing now haha.

This and a later experience sort of set me on the path to eventually watching DP porn, which led into cuckold porn. I've never been into the humiliation, for me it's all about the woman being a "slut" and how hot I find that.

 

[MeSheHe]

I have a friend who can't stand chocolate. He finds it absolutely disgusting. I on the other hand think it's delicious and can't fathom how anyone could not find 91% cocoa dark chocolate anything but delectable.

That is to say, this is just what does it for many, many men. I'd probably prefer it didn't but CFNM, SPH and cuckolding has always jusy rung my bell. I've spent many an hour trying to work out why. Was it because my ...... divorced my 5'9" father and remarried a 6'4" fellow with a much bigger cock? Was it because I bumped my head as a youngster? Was it games of doctors and nurses with a female friend before I had hit puberty?

I think the general consensus of experts is that we're pretty much born with our sexuality a certain way and there's not much we can do about it (e.g. why you can't 'cure' someone of homosexuality). When I went to a psychologist to talk about it she encouraged acceptance "maybe that's just what gets you off" she said.

After reading 'Sex At Dawn' cuckolding makes sense to me from an evolutionary perspective. The authors theorise that humans evolved in a polyamorous tribal environment thus watching others fuck would have been common place.

Great input. Makes sense. I think that's where I'm at. Just embrace it. It's who you are, it's what you like, it "gets you off". Why ask why. It just is what it is. I love it and my wife is now learning to enjoy the benefits of this lifestyle. Thanks for the explanation!

I think it is based on "gaming" certain innate, evolutionary mating behaviors for our own excitement and satisfaction. There are various observed behaviors / psychological reactions that are common among many mammals and other animals. Humans, I think, are rather complex given that we're evolutionarily programmed to have certain behaviors / feelings around mating but we're also intelligent and self-aware (some more than others), which adds a whole other layer of weirdness, where I think we come to realize that certain stimuli will create a certain effect that come to enjoy and want to artificially produce.

There is also the whole group hierarchy, alpha / beta-male thing too, which probably leads to different flavors of sharing - a whole spectrum of stag vs. cuckold relationships and modes of sharing, etc.

I think "male sperm competition" and the "Coolidge effect" are probably mostly responsible for the increased feelings of sexual excitement. Studies have shown repeatedly that many male animals are driven to increase sexual frequency and even sperm production as a result of perceived mating competition. I even read one thing saying after acts of infidelity by the women, both men and women reported sex with deeper, harder male thrusts, suggestive of "sperm removal" behavior.

Apparently even watching porn with multiple men and a single woman can increase sperm production.

"Kilgallon and Simmons documented that men produce a higher percentage of motile sperm in their ejaculates after viewing sexually explicit images of two men and one woman (a sperm competition risk) than after viewing sexually explicit images of three women, likely indicating a response to an active risk of sperm competition"

The Coolidge effect is a phenomenon where mating frequency among familiar partners will tend to decrease over time but introducing a new potential make will result in a renewed increase in mating activity. Experiments have mostly focused on male reactions but a few carefully constructed studies have shown this also works for females. This phenomenon is likely some part of the reason people often talk about increased libido in their wife after sharing.

Similar to this, I've heard a story (not 100% sure where it came from) that if you introduce a male rat to a population of females, they'll go around mating like crazy for a while, then get bored and slow down. However, if you introduce a second male, who begins mating with the females, the original male will then want to go around mating with all the females again.

Then there's "mate-guarding" psychology, which can trigger people to want to reinforce a relationship with sex or increased lovingness, after experiencing some threat to the relationship.

So, I dunno, seems like there is some weird amalgamation of these things at play where. These feelings and behaviors can arise naturally among people who experience infidelity or the perceived risk of it. In this case, I think people who have this fantasy either recognized those feelings and the excitement / arousal they induced after having such an experience or possibly by viewing that kind of porn and realized they could deliberately create situations (albeit hopefully safer) to stimulate that same exciting response.

Very well thought out. Thank you.

No idea but it is. I posted on another thread about being jealous when I was younger but now and more time to be honest, I want to see my wife get fucked by another guy and then enjoy the after effects. Not sure what changed in my mind, but there was definitely a change.

100% agreed. That's where I'm at. It's a far more powerful desire than my want to be jealous. It pretty much paralyzes that side of my brain that would have triggered those old emotions before.

 

[bunnyandtim]

So you'd prefer to watch them but he's saying no. He wants her in a private setting...alone. How does your wife feel about that?

Yep, ideally I'd like to be there but he's not into the idea of another man being there while he's being intimate or seeing him him naked, which I understand all things considered.
Couple of things you need to understand to get it, he doesn't come from the scene/lifestyle at all.
He's actually her best friend's cousin. She's known him for like 20+ years and (so I have recently learned) they've always flirted.
A few months back when he said "its such a shame you're not single", she told him that she's actually available and he's jumped at the chance to hook up with her, but he said he thinks cuckolding is weird and he doesn't get it. So he wants the sex but doesn't want to have to think about the kink behind it. He certainly doesn't want me in the bedroom while he's 'performing'.
Secondly, we've been getting increasingly desperate (especially I have), for her to find a bull. It's been two years since her first guy and she just can't find anyone she really likes, and if she does they ghost her when we talk to them about meeting up.
So it's sort of a matter of beggers not being choosers. He's offering a lot of what I want and if I have to compromise or miss out, then I'll compromise.
I told her in the past it would be hot for her to play on her own one time, and she did with that original bull once. It was pretty hot, but I wish they had made some videos.
She said "its more fun when you watch" and said she wasn't really interested in ever doing it without me again. I thought that was that.
But since things with this guy have started warming up she has changed her tune BIG TIME. Now she seems to really WANT to be alone with him. It's not just sounding like a case of her going along with it, she's saying she feels it's "for the best" since they'll "both be more relaxed".
She's been teasing me about in bed a lot too. I told her "thanks for saying that to turn me on" and she said "that's ok but I think it's hot too, I'm really excited for it to be like that".
Be careful what you wish for I guess.
At any rate, nothing has happened yet. It's been months and they're still 'planning' it, albeit he does live several hours away.
I've suggested that they make me a couple of videos and I've been told that I can expect that. I have to say though of I don't get any, I'll feel totally cut out of the picture and angry as all hell.
He'll have used my wife, she will have gotten some free extramarital fun, and I'll be left without even so much as my dick in hand.
It's dicey.

 

[2wheel]

Yep, ideally I'd like to be there but he's not into the idea of another man being there while he's being intimate or seeing him him naked, which I understand all things considered.
Couple of things you need to understand to get it, he doesn't come from the scene/lifestyle at all.
He's actually her best friend's cousin. She's known him for like 20+ years and (so I have recently learned) they've always flirted.
A few months back when he said "its such a shame you're not single", she told him that she's actually available and he's jumped at the chance to hook up with her, but he said he thinks cuckolding is weird and he doesn't get it. So he wants the sex but doesn't want to have to think about the kink behind it. He certainly doesn't want me in the bedroom while he's 'performing'.
Secondly, we've been getting increasingly desperate (especially I have), for her to find a bull. It's been two years since her first guy and she just can't find anyone she really likes, and if she does they ghost her when we talk to them about meeting up.
So it's sort of a matter of beggers not being choosers. He's offering a lot of what I want and if I have to compromise or miss out, then I'll compromise.
I told her in the past it would be hot for her to play on her own one time, and she did with that original bull once. It was pretty hot, but I wish they had made some videos.
She said "its more fun when you watch" and said she wasn't really interested in ever doing it without me again. I thought that was that.
But since things with this guy have started warming up she has changed her tune BIG TIME. Now she seems to really WANT to be alone with him. It's not just sounding like a case of her going along with it, she's saying she feels it's "for the best" since they'll "both be more relaxed".
She's been teasing me about in bed a lot too. I told her "thanks for saying that to turn me on" and she said "that's ok but I think it's hot too, I'm really excited for it to be like that".
Be careful what you wish for I guess.
At any rate, nothing has happened yet. It's been months and they're still 'planning' it, albeit he does live several hours away.
I've suggested that they make me a couple of videos and I've been told that I can expect that. I have to say though of I don't get any, I'll feel totally cut out of the picture and angry as all hell.
He'll have used my wife, she will have gotten some free extramarital fun, and I'll be left without even so much as my dick in hand.
It's dicey.

Looking for a sex partner is different than looking for a partrner. Maybe, just maybe, her criteria is wrong.

Perhaps it's time for her to move on.

 

[bunnyandtim]

Looking for a sex partner is different than looking for a partrner. Maybe, just maybe, her criteria is wrong.

Perhaps it's time for her to move on.

Oh, trust me, I've tried putting that to her many times but she insists that it "has to feel right" otherwise it will feel cheap or something.
Her point of view has been a point of contention throughout the whole 'adventure'. It makes things difficult, and we've argued about it a lot, but she says it's the only way she can access it without risking regret.

 

[2wheel]

Oh, trust me, I've tried putting that to her many times but she insists that it "has to feel right" otherwise it will feel cheap or something.
Her point of view has been a point of contention throughout the whole 'adventure'. It makes things difficult, and we've argued about it a lot, but she says it's the only way she can access it without risking regret.

demisexual: A person who is demisexual experiences sexual attraction only when they feel a true emotional bond with another person.

 

[amateur_19]

So you'd prefer to watch them but he's saying no. He wants her in a private setting...alone. How does your wife feel about that?

Some wives ive been with prefer not letting their husband's know about their encounters. I mean, the 'not go into the details' kind of thing.

But some does. It all depends on an individual.

 

[Teddy Long]

So you'd prefer to watch them but he's saying no. He wants her in a private setting...alone. How does your wife feel about that?

So what’s happening now.

 

[coastalkid]

So I want to pose a question to those who have responded to this thread. What is the psychology that makes this so appealing to a husband? Why would any man WANT his wife to be sexually available to another man? To give herself to him. It doesn't make sense really. I was raised to believe you keep your eyes on any other man around your girl. Nobody gets a free pass at her. Once she's yours she's no longer "on the market". So why is this lifestyle of cuckolding or hotwifing so damn erotic and hot?? Now you want the complete opposite. Now that guy who previously had better not even look her way or say hello...now you're like please...f her...and hard. And you like it as much as she does. Just so backward. What makes it such a turn on now?

I can only speak from perspective of a "wannabe", so I can understand my opinion not being valued. I've told my wife I'd like her to try a bigger than me cock once in her life and she is in the "Never gonna happen" category. Although she has steadfastly refused ever acting on it, she has incorporated my fantasy into her "dirty talk" in bed. Even this tiny step has been a huge change in direction for her.

She has never asked me why I want this. I think she believes I'm sexually obsessed and stuck in my "porn induced haze" and anything I say will be influenced by that. I can't deny that either of those things are false. I've had lots of time to think about why I "think" I want this.

The first and major impetus for wanting this is that I crave a sexual experience outside of our vanilla lifestyle. My wife has always been shy and conservative regarding sex. I've never seen her wild side. It may be so suppressed that I may never see it! Since I haven't been able to evoke that "wildness" in her maybe someone else could. It would be a major change if my wife was sexually aggressive and sought out sex for recreational purposes.

It would hurt my confidence some if someone swept in and did in an evening what I have not been able to accomplish in our 40 year marriage. That said I'm fully convinced of my wife's love for me and feel the risk is worth it and ultimately I would benefit from it! In truth I think we both would benefit from it because I believe she would get that "hot wife" confidence.

Presently, she is so self-conscious of her looks. She has gained weight. She hates her thick ankles. She suppresses her sexual identity with unnecessary self-deprecation. If someone could change her thinking (I've tried, believe me) and prove her wrong about her attractiveness I'm ALL for it at this point. It would be worth it just to see that side of her not restrained by her previous social norms.

 

[MeSheHe]

So what’s happening now.

You're asking me what's happening? They are very much into each other at this point. It went from twice trying to f*ck in his car in the bar parking lot (unsuccessfully) to getting a hotel on the third meet up. The hotel room was a huge success.

It just left her wanting more. He's like crack ...... in her veins. Ha! She has come to life sexually in ways I've never seen. He triggers whatever it is in her and she is, for lack of a better term, ...... or high on the thought of being alone with him.

Anyway, it's now resulted in overnights at his place and even a weekend together. She left on a Friday and came home on Sunday most recently. That was a couple weekends ago.

She's done her reading as well apparently. Or perhaps he's mentioned some of this to her I dunno. She asked me about the alpha male beta male thing and did I consider myself one or the other. I told her I think it's pretty clear I'm a beta and her new guy is an alpha. I asked her if she agreed with that and she said yes. I said he gets what he wants when he wants and she said yes he does. So that's been established as well at this point. Now when he walks into the bar and we're there already I get up and head for the pool tables or a barstool and he takes the seat I had been sitting in beside her. They hang out for an hour or so then leave together. It's pretty f'n hot.

 

[Teddy Long]

You're asking me what's happening? They are very much into each other at this point. It went from twice trying to f*ck in his car in the bar parking lot (unsuccessfully) to getting a hotel on the third meet up. The hotel room was a huge success.

It just left her wanting more. He's like crack ...... in her veins. Ha! She has come to life sexually in ways I've never seen. He triggers whatever it is in her and she is, for lack of a better term, ...... or high on the thought of being alone with him.

Anyway, it's now resulted in overnights at his place and even a weekend together. She left on a Friday and came home on Sunday most recently. That was a couple weekends ago.

She's done her reading as well apparently. Or perhaps he's mentioned some of this to her I dunno. She asked me about the alpha male beta male thing and did I consider myself one or the other. I told her I think it's pretty clear I'm a beta and her new guy is an alpha. I asked her if she agreed with that and she said yes. I said he gets what he wants when he wants and she said yes he does. So that's been established as well at this point. Now when he walks into the bar and we're there already I get up and head for the pool tables or a barstool and he takes the seat I had been sitting in beside her. They hang out for an hour or so then leave together. It's pretty f'n hot.

So she’s shut you off sexually

 

[nakedsa77]

And the deed is done! 🙂

We went to the bar last night and her fav guy shows up. They spent the evening talking and it ended up outside against a wall in the dark. Then in the back seat of his car. For about an hour. I can tell you the windows were very foggy. I did see that. The rest she told me about. According to her story they both were totally naked. And she says his cock was big...and very very hard. She said he touched "everything" and had his mouth on everything. Said he loved her tits. They f'd but it was too cramped in his back seat so they didn't "finish the job" as she put it. But agreed they had to meet again soon and continue matters in his bedroom or a hotel. She did say he felt awesome inside her and could not wait for more. That she just wanted him to keep doing it. That it was absolutely amazing. And that he admitted he had been wanting to do this with her for awhile now. So...needless to say...I am one happy guy today. And so is he 🙂 And so is she 😉 This is SO freaking awesome!!

Fuck me!! You're a lucky man!!

 

[MeSheHe]

So she’s shut you off sexually

So she’s shut you off sexually

Pretty much. Which I have aided in bringing onto myself I guess by introducing her to this lifestyle. But she's asked me about our sex life. And whether or not I still wanted to have sex with her. She's concerned I think that I'm upset or whatever. I assured her that I'm not upset. That for me it's more about being a true beta. I enjoy sex with her of course, I'll do it if she is wanting to, but I didn't want to compete with him. Right now, as the alpha, he is the one "claiming the female" if you will. And is apparently rocking her world. So I'm surrendering that to him. That was my explanation to her. She said ok and that he is not leaving her unsatisfied and as long as he is staying involved she is in favor of the arrangement. They text back and forth, heart each other's stuff on FB, etc. I stay in a non compete state, let them do whatever they want. No sex for me unless it's masturbation thinking about them. She knows all of this. So...it's awesome.

 

[MeSheHe]

Fuck me!! You're a lucky man!!

I am. Thank you sir!

 

[Teddy Long]

Pretty much. Which I have aided in bringing onto myself I guess by introducing her to this lifestyle. But she's asked me about our sex life. And whether or not I still wanted to have sex with her. She's concerned I think that I'm upset or whatever. I assured her that I'm not upset. That for me it's more about being a true beta. I enjoy sex with her of course, I'll do it if she is wanting to, but I didn't want to compete with him. Right now, as the alpha, he is the one "claiming the female" if you will. And is apparently rocking her world. So I'm surrendering that to him. That was my explanation to her. She said ok and that he is not leaving her unsatisfied and as long as he is staying involved she is in favor of the arrangement. They text back and forth, heart each other's stuff on FB, etc. I stay in a non compete state, let them do whatever they want. No sex for me unless it's masturbation thinking about them. She knows all of this. So...it's awesome.

Is there a chance that she leaves you for him.

 

[MeSheHe]

Is there a chance that she leaves you for him.

I'm sure the potential exists. Can't rule that out.

 

[nakedsa77]

I'm sure the potential exists. Can't rule that out.

I hope she doesn't leave you for him. This will ...... the whole dynamic

 

[MeSheHe]

I hope she doesn't leave you for him. This will ...... the whole dynamic

Nah. She ain't leavin. She loves me. Just wants to fuck him.

 

[nakedsa77]

Nah. She ain't leavin. She loves me. Just wants to fuck him.

You're a lucky man!! Hope to get there some day!!

 

[MeSheHe]

Yes! They're together again tonight. Back home again tomorrow. I've kept my advances, my hands and my dick away from her all week as per an agreement between she and I to save her for him.

It must be working because she went sexy underwear shopping last night. She showed me and said "these aren't for you". But she said I might get some when she gets home tomorrow. But that he gets her first, gets the sexually starved version. She wants to give all that to him. Then I get what's left.

I was like....wow...you're getting good at this sh*t. She said hey, you say you're a beta so that's how I'm going to treat you. Then asked you are, right? I said yes. She said ok then, know your place. I said I do know my place. She then asked me and what's your place? I answered to stand aside and let him get what he wants. She said exactly. Make sure that doesn't change. Daaaaamn! Lol! I was stunned. Extremely turned on but still stunned. She is big time into this now.

Gonna be a badass weekend for those two.