Update: We have been talking more openly about fantasies in the last few weeks
One thing which helped is we watched some bondage/kink porn where the woman gets bound and dominated. She doesn't usually care for porn, but she was into this. I fucked her in a big spoon position while she watched. She was so turned on I was able to whisper things like "Imagine that was you" and even "We should sign you up to get fucked like that". She was especially turned on when I restrained her whilst fucking
Now she's much more open to really kinky porn and it's quite common for us to say things like "You would love her/him to do that to you"
The other day I straight up told her I would find it hot if she came home with cum stained underwear and she said "Maybe I will"
I know it's not a huge breakthrough but please believe me this is more than I thought possible. I even know what type of man she likes: tall eastern European men. Progress!
I plan to show her this forum (not this thread yet) to get her opinion soon