How to move forward with my wife

[DK89]

Hey,

Have been a silent guest for few months on this site. Wanna share my standing point and collect some feedback from you folks.

My wife knew my hotwife thing for few years. I didn't really push it til recent few weeks. Everytime after our sex, we'd like to talk about it, kind of like retro and make it better next time, as we both enjoyed sex very much.

I recent brought up the hotwife topic again as I felt I could not suppress it anymore. After one of my genuine confess, she said she understood me and that each person has their own kink. She also admitted sometimes she wondered what it will be like fucking with others (I'm her only man).

But she didn't want to do it for below reasons:
- She's afraid she gonna get addicted to it as she confessed she thinks fuck strangers is too stimulating. I proposed one or two times a year as we travel around. She said what after trying she loves it and want it frequently. I said I'm ok. She's afraid it will break up our perfect relationship. She didn't think I will tolerate her that much.
- She's afraid that I would not satisfy her after trying bigger cock
- She thinks it's a big burden to fuck around (like logistic things)


Some context about our relationship and sex dynamics
- Solid relationship. Met in college and been together since then.
- Rn, in our mid 30s. Never had a big fight
- No kids
- Both enjoyed sex much. In her high mood week (usually after period), she wants 2 or 3 a day (I tried my best 🙂 )
- We role play in bed alot. She likes those cheating and ...... fantasy so I feel she has potential

Wondering if anyone was in my shoes and could give some advice to continue the conversation and discussion for the direction I want. Thanks

 

[nobodysrage]

She's afraid she gonna get addicted to it as she confessed she thinks fuck strangers is too stimulating.

Sounds to me that she likes it but feels bad about you and is a bit ashamed of admitting it.

She's afraid that I would not satisfy her after trying bigger cock

She basically said that she is not satisfied with your cock and your sex. And still she is framing it as if she is the good girl who would not let that become reality.

She thinks it's a big burden to fuck around (like logistic things)

There might be barriers but if you ask me: She is already planning logistics in her mind instead of just denying the idea immedeately.

Some context about our relationship and sex dynamics
- Solid relationship. Met in college and been together since then.
- Rn, in our mid 30s. Never had a big fight
- No kids
- Both enjoyed sex much. In her high mood week (usually after period), she wants 2 or 3 a day (I tried my best 🙂 )
- We role play in bed alot. She likes those cheating and ...... fantasy so I feel she has potential

Wondering if anyone was in my shoes and could give some advice to continue the conversation and discussion for the direction I want. Thanks

I am pretty much in the same situation. Mid 30s, no kids, she wants sex 24/7, never neglected sex, sex is amazing. And most important: Your relationship is solid and she is in love with you. When you say she likes ...... roleplay, I guess she is very submissive, too?
If you ask me: now its the time to find out your kinks. And it looks like you can talk very open with each other. We just tried the App Spicer several days ago. Its like matching your kinks as on Tinder. I found out she would like to dress me in female clothes and she would love to play with my ass with toys. Yet she doesnt like to be dominant or chastity or any other cuckold stuff so far 🙁( Anyway this will bring us to a very open conversation the next days too. Maybe thats a way to go for you too?

For your girlfriend it sounds to me like she is really wanting to fuck around und just doesnt want it to be her idea 😉

 

[DK89]

She basically said that she is not satisfied with your cock and your sex. And still she is framing it as if she is the good girl who would not let that become reality.

wow, that could be it huh? I'm just avg endowed

For your girlfriend it sounds to me like she is really wanting to fuck around und just doesnt want it to be her idea 😉

Will try confront her next time

 

[btweets]

Don’t wait till after you two have already had sex, bring it up during the highest point of sexual attention between the both of you next time!!

 

[tyrrone]

maybe show her my cock?!

 

[Discretefun66]

Hey,

Have been a silent guest for few months on this site. Wanna share my standing point and collect some feedback from you folks.

My wife knew my hotwife thing for few years. I didn't really push it til recent few weeks. Everytime after our sex, we'd like to talk about it, kind of like retro and make it better next time, as we both enjoyed sex very much.

I recent brought up the hotwife topic again as I felt I could not suppress it anymore. After one of my genuine confess, she said she understood me and that each person has their own kink. She also admitted sometimes she wondered what it will be like fucking with others (I'm her only man).

But she didn't want to do it for below reasons:
- She's afraid she gonna get addicted to it as she confessed she thinks fuck strangers is too stimulating. I proposed one or two times a year as we travel around. She said what after trying she loves it and want it frequently. I said I'm ok. She's afraid it will break up our perfect relationship. She didn't think I will tolerate her that much.
- She's afraid that I would not satisfy her after trying bigger cock
- She thinks it's a big burden to fuck around (like logistic things)


Some context about our relationship and sex dynamics
- Solid relationship. Met in college and been together since then.
- Rn, in our mid 30s. Never had a big fight
- No kids
- Both enjoyed sex much. In her high mood week (usually after period), she wants 2 or 3 a day (I tried my best 🙂 )
- We role play in bed alot. She likes those cheating and ...... fantasy so I feel she has potential

Wondering if anyone was in my shoes and could give some advice to continue the conversation and discussion for the direction I want. Thanks

Well for sure this lifestyle is not for every couple, it takes a combination of things for it to be enjoyable for both of you. In out opinion it starts with a solid marriage, we mean rock solid. The bonding and security that you can have in an open marriage pretty much negates all of the reasons she has for not wanting to do it. Our connection to each other and ability to reconnect after each of our adventures has made our marriage that much stronger and it can be the same for you two. Context or perspective on the sex you two will have with others is important and cannot replace what you have with each other. Someone in another thread use a term to describe the sex their wife has with other men. They called it a "sport fuck", we think this is a pretty good way to look at or categorize it. We call it "adventures" but it does not really matter what you call it just as long as sex with others has it's place in your marriage and it does not replace what made you two fall in love in the first place. Take it slow, we wish you luck, and most of all have fun.

 

[toolman2c]

Hey,

Have been a silent guest for few months on this site. Wanna share my standing point and collect some feedback from you folks.

My wife knew my hotwife thing for few years. I didn't really push it til recent few weeks. Everytime after our sex, we'd like to talk about it, kind of like retro and make it better next time, as we both enjoyed sex very much.

I recent brought up the hotwife topic again as I felt I could not suppress it anymore. After one of my genuine confess, she said she understood me and that each person has their own kink. She also admitted sometimes she wondered what it will be like fucking with others (I'm her only man).

But she didn't want to do it for below reasons:
- She's afraid she gonna get addicted to it as she confessed she thinks fuck strangers is too stimulating. I proposed one or two times a year as we travel around. She said what after trying she loves it and want it frequently. I said I'm ok. She's afraid it will break up our perfect relationship. She didn't think I will tolerate her that much.
- She's afraid that I would not satisfy her after trying bigger cock
- She thinks it's a big burden to fuck around (like logistic things)


Some context about our relationship and sex dynamics
- Solid relationship. Met in college and been together since then.
- Rn, in our mid 30s. Never had a big fight
- No kids
- Both enjoyed sex much. In her high mood week (usually after period), she wants 2 or 3 a day (I tried my best 🙂 )
- We role play in bed alot. She likes those cheating and ...... fantasy so I feel she has potential

Wondering if anyone was in my shoes and could give some advice to continue the conversation and discussion for the direction I want. Thanks

you have Bravely confessed, I think you really want 2c ur sexy wife get the ultimate pleasure of a bare naked bbigger cock up inside her yearning hot and treasured pussy, I hope your completely ready, you can't the vision u planted in her head, it will grow with time and her desires Will drive her to explore the thrill of a new cock,,,imho,

 

[robbiewillsucku]

Don’t wait till after you two have already had sex, bring it up during the highest point of sexual attention between the both of you next time!!

lick your cum from her pussy after you have fucked her - do it each time then say I am fantasizing that you fucked another cock earlier today

 

[jax12]

Hey,

Have been a silent guest for few months on this site. Wanna share my standing point and collect some feedback from you folks.

My wife knew my hotwife thing for few years. I didn't really push it til recent few weeks. Everytime after our sex, we'd like to talk about it, kind of like retro and make it better next time, as we both enjoyed sex very much.

I recent brought up the hotwife topic again as I felt I could not suppress it anymore. After one of my genuine confess, she said she understood me and that each person has their own kink. She also admitted sometimes she wondered what it will be like fucking with others (I'm her only man).

But she didn't want to do it for below reasons:
- She's afraid she gonna get addicted to it as she confessed she thinks fuck strangers is too stimulating. I proposed one or two times a year as we travel around. She said what after trying she loves it and want it frequently. I said I'm ok. She's afraid it will break up our perfect relationship. She didn't think I will tolerate her that much.
- She's afraid that I would not satisfy her after trying bigger cock
- She thinks it's a big burden to fuck around (like logistic things)


Some context about our relationship and sex dynamics
- Solid relationship. Met in college and been together since then.
- Rn, in our mid 30s. Never had a big fight
- No kids
- Both enjoyed sex much. In her high mood week (usually after period), she wants 2 or 3 a day (I tried my best 🙂 )
- We role play in bed alot. She likes those cheating and ...... fantasy so I feel she has potential

Wondering if anyone was in my shoes and could give some advice to continue the conversation and discussion for the direction I want. Thanks

You think she has ever fuck anyone from work that you just don’t know about

 

[al-nina]

Buy on vacation 2 L of good vodka, next go with her to disco. After 2 hours she will suck stranger in the forest 😀👍

 

[Devzilla]

Don’t wait till after you two have already had sex, bring it up during the highest point of sexual attention between the both of you next time!!

That is horrible advice and will definitely make her feel worse this should be something that is talked about on both of you are in sound frame of mind and it should be something that's talked about together not something he should convince her of

 

[DK89]

That is horrible advice and will definitely make her feel worse this should be something that is talked about on both of you are in sound frame of mind and it should be something that's talked about together not something he should convince her of

Thanks for the input from your perspective

 

[majorem]

Don’t wait till after you two have already had sex, bring it up during the highest point of sexual attention between the both of you next time!!

That is horrible advice and will definitely make her feel worse this should be something that is talked about on both of you are in sound frame of mind and it should be something that's talked about together not something he should convince her of

So both of these are right, in a way... how is that possible? Well, women aren't all the same and the approach that is best for one type of women will fail horribly with another.

You have to know your wife and figure out what approach will work best for her. Some women can just have a more rational, objective, straight-forward conversation about sharing and decide whether its for them or not. Others may be afraid to reveal their true interest, worried about things like their husband changing his mind or getting upset that things went too far, negative impact on the relationship, guilt, traditional ideas of marriage, STDs, sex partners getting weird, other people finding out, etc. I mean, its a big risk, bringing other people, sexually, into your perfectly happy relationship. She's obviously going to think "why risk things?" and unless she understands how sharing could be exciting and positive for both of you, why would she ever say yes? Some women just have a lot more ...... to get over before they can even allow themselves to enjoy the fantasy, admit it is something they really want and overcome fear of potential consequences.

You have to consider, this has been a fantasy of yours for some time and if you're like me, it may be something that it took you a long time to get into, where you came into it, indirectly, from a past experience or watching other types of porn that led you into discovering hotwifing. You can't expect her to immediately realize why she will enjoy it or how it could be positive for the both of you. A lot of women struggle to understand why their husband would want this and what he's getting out of it.

There's a few reasons why bringing it up during sex and playing with it as a fantasy can be helpful. For one, it is a time when she can see proof of how it excites you, which is something that was very important for my wife. No matter what I had said, I think my wife had a tough time really believing I was turned on thinking of her with other men until she saw me get hard or cum while dirty talking fantasies of her getting fucked by other men. I can't remember the specifics but I recall one time we were having sex and making particularly dirty talk about her getting fucked by other guys and I blew my load in her and she said "wow, that really does turn you on". Her experiencing me getting off on the fantasy repeatedly allowed her to feel increasingly confident that this was a real turn-on for me and I wasn't going to get upset. Seeing how it turned me on, excited her and it allowed her to more freely admit her own excitement and get off on it.

It sounds like your wife is at least somewhat interested and able to talk about it, which is better than where mine started from. I think you just need to help her see more of the upside for her / maybe also let her see how it excites you. Exploring it as just a fantasy for a while, engaging in dirty talk, might help her to discover why it is a turn on. My wife quite likes it when she goes down on me while I use a dildo on her. Recently I added a lot of cum-lube to the dildo and when she was ready to get fucked, there was a lot of cum-looking lube on her pussy and talked about how it felt like she'd already been cummed in, which got her really hot. We've also done DP with my cock and a dildo, or sometimes just my cock and some fingers, which progressed to dirty talk about her taking two cocks.

It's been a long, gradual process for my wife to be able to open up and admit this fantasy turned her on and for her to be comfortable enough to let herself openly enjoy it with me. Even recently, we had sex where she got a bit wild and specific about being fucked by other men and then, afterwards, was worried and ask me if it had gone too far and I had to reassure her that I greatly enjoyed it.

So yeah, I think the first thing is to just explore the fantasy a bit and see if she gets into it. If not, then maybe this is just not her thing and you'll have to accept that. If she gets into the fantasy and enjoys it, then you can discuss her more practical concerns. I would guess that she is just coming up with every possible way it could go wrong because she is scared about the reality of it and also probably does not want to look too eager / wants you to be the one to move it forward. Really just have to feel things out for yourself.

 

[DK89]

So both of these are right, in a way... how is that possible? Well, women aren't all the same and the approach that is best for one type of women will fail horribly with another.

You have to know your wife and figure out what approach will work best for her. Some women can just have a more rational, objective, straight-forward conversation about sharing and decide whether its for them or not. Others may be afraid to reveal their true interest, worried about things like their husband changing his mind or getting upset that things went too far, negative impact on the relationship, guilt, traditional ideas of marriage, STDs, sex partners getting weird, other people finding out, etc. I mean, its a big risk, bringing other people, sexually, into your perfectly happy relationship. She's obviously going to think "why risk things?" and unless she understands how sharing could be exciting and positive for both of you, why would she ever say yes? Some women just have a lot more ...... to get over before they can even allow themselves to enjoy the fantasy, admit it is something they really want and overcome fear of potential consequences.

You have to consider, this has been a fantasy of yours for some time and if you're like me, it may be something that it took you a long time to get into, where you came into it, indirectly, from a past experience or watching other types of porn that led you into discovering hotwifing. You can't expect her to immediately realize why she will enjoy it or how it could be positive for the both of you. A lot of women struggle to understand why their husband would want this and what he's getting out of it.

There's a few reasons why bringing it up during sex and playing with it as a fantasy can be helpful. For one, it is a time when she can see proof of how it excites you, which is something that was very important for my wife. No matter what I had said, I think my wife had a tough time really believing I was turned on thinking of her with other men until she saw me get hard or cum while dirty talking fantasies of her getting fucked by other men. I can't remember the specifics but I recall one time we were having sex and making particularly dirty talk about her getting fucked by other guys and I blew my load in her and she said "wow, that really does turn you on". Her experiencing me getting off on the fantasy repeatedly allowed her to feel increasingly confident that this was a real turn-on for me and I wasn't going to get upset. Seeing how it turned me on, excited her and it allowed her to more freely admit her own excitement and get off on it.

It sounds like your wife is at least somewhat interested and able to talk about it, which is better than where mine started from. I think you just need to help her see more of the upside for her / maybe also let her see how it excites you. Exploring it as just a fantasy for a while, engaging in dirty talk, might help her to discover why it is a turn on. My wife quite likes it when she goes down on me while I use a dildo on her. Recently I added a lot of cum-lube to the dildo and when she was ready to get fucked, there was a lot of cum-looking lube on her pussy and talked about how it felt like she'd already been cummed in, which got her really hot. We've also done DP with my cock and a dildo, or sometimes just my cock and some fingers, which progressed to dirty talk about her taking two cocks.

It's been a long, gradual process for my wife to be able to open up and admit this fantasy turned her on and for her to be comfortable enough to let herself openly enjoy it with me. Even recently, we had sex where she got a bit wild and specific about being fucked by other men and then, afterwards, was worried and ask me if it had gone too far and I had to reassure her that I greatly enjoyed it.

So yeah, I think the first thing is to just explore the fantasy a bit and see if she gets into it. If not, then maybe this is just not her thing and you'll have to accept that. If she gets into the fantasy and enjoys it, then you can discuss her more practical concerns. I would guess that she is just coming up with every possible way it could go wrong because she is scared about the reality of it and also probably does not want to look too eager / wants you to be the one to move it forward. Really just have to feel things out for yourself.

thanks buddy! Super genuine and helpful.

Patience I guess is the key

 

[curioushusband0]

Hey,

Have been a silent guest for few months on this site. Wanna share my standing point and collect some feedback from you folks.

My wife knew my hotwife thing for few years. I didn't really push it til recent few weeks. Everytime after our sex, we'd like to talk about it, kind of like retro and make it better next time, as we both enjoyed sex very much.

I recent brought up the hotwife topic again as I felt I could not suppress it anymore. After one of my genuine confess, she said she understood me and that each person has their own kink. She also admitted sometimes she wondered what it will be like fucking with others (I'm her only man).

But she didn't want to do it for below reasons:
- She's afraid she gonna get addicted to it as she confessed she thinks fuck strangers is too stimulating. I proposed one or two times a year as we travel around. She said what after trying she loves it and want it frequently. I said I'm ok. She's afraid it will break up our perfect relationship. She didn't think I will tolerate her that much.
- She's afraid that I would not satisfy her after trying bigger cock
- She thinks it's a big burden to fuck around (like logistic things)


Some context about our relationship and sex dynamics
- Solid relationship. Met in college and been together since then.
- Rn, in our mid 30s. Never had a big fight
- No kids
- Both enjoyed sex much. In her high mood week (usually after period), she wants 2 or 3 a day (I tried my best 🙂 )
- We role play in bed alot. She likes those cheating and ...... fantasy so I feel she has potential

Wondering if anyone was in my shoes and could give some advice to continue the conversation and discussion for the direction I want. Thanks

First I would acknowledge her concerns.

Tell her you understand and did some research and wanted to discuss what you found bc it may or May not apply to everyone.

First: it is a logistics challenge and takes up time and resources.

Second: acknowledge you want to do this when you’re traveling or far from home to safeguard yourselves and your situation as the primary relationship.

Third: if she uses a bigger dildo, does she still enjoy you later that day or the next week? Of course, like so many say it’s not always a size thing. She still has the immense long term love that has developed over time that isn’t going to just go away.

Fourth: going to Disney is addicting to some people, all kinds of things are but you have to be smart about this and make good decisions as a team with high levels of communication.

I think her feelings make sense but can be negated through acknowledging them and then explaining information like I’ve put together.

 

[majorem]

Should also mention, what your wife may find appealing about the idea of sharing could be totally different than how you envision it.

For some dudes, sharing is less about the wife and more about them being a cuckold - being put in a submissive role, emphasizing the bull's larger cock / better sexual prowess, even being caged. For a woman who enjoys being in a dominant role, that may be very appealing but for others, who are more aroused by their husband being dominant, it will seem weird and turn them off.

I know my wife would definitely not be cool with that. My wife is aroused by me being dominant int he bedroom and if were suddenly tell her I wanted to be submissive and humiliated as she fucks other men, she wouldn't be excited about that fantasy, she'd just lose respect and attraction for me. It would be a total no-go for her. Fortunately, I'm not into that either.

She gets off on the idea of being used like a slut by multiple men, having guys cum in her and DP. My whole wife-sharing fantasy is about her giving in to lust and acting like a dirt slut, preferably in front of me and then reclaiming her. So our fantasies work out pretty well together.

You'll have to figure out what part of this, if anything, excites your wife and start out there.

 

[DK89]

Should also mention, what your wife may find appealing about the idea of sharing could be totally different than how you envision it.

For some dudes, sharing is less about the wife and more about them being a cuckold - being put in a submissive role, emphasizing the bull's larger cock / better sexual prowess, even being caged. For a woman who enjoys being in a dominant role, that may be very appealing but for others, who are more aroused by their husband being dominant, it will seem weird and turn them off.

I know my wife would definitely not be cool with that. My wife is aroused by me being dominant int he bedroom and if were suddenly tell her I wanted to be submissive and humiliated as she fucks other men, she wouldn't be excited about that fantasy, she'd just lose respect and attraction for me. It would be a total no-go for her. Fortunately, I'm not into that either.

She gets off on the idea of being used like a slut by multiple men, having guys cum in her and DP. My whole wife-sharing fantasy is about her giving in to lust and acting like a dirt slut, preferably in front of me and then reclaiming her. So our fantasies work out pretty well together.

You'll have to figure out what part of this, if anything, excites your wife and start out there.

Good point. Thanks!!

 

[toolman2c]

Don’t wait till after you two have already had sex, bring it up during the highest point of sexual attention between the both of you next time!!

this is really good advice, ending to finish will have All her urges in real time, she Will say Yes to new exciting talks, make your talk count b4 she has got her needs met.. try it, thank me later.

 

[toolman2c]

That is horrible advice and will definitely make her feel worse this should be something that is talked about on both of you are in sound frame of mind and it should be something that's talked about together not something he should convince her of

I'd welcome a detailed version of your advice, I'm older with a str8 laced unaware much younger wife of 20yrs, DM me with ice breaker advice, plz, I've always sheltered my wifes/ gf's and wanted them to myself,,until this year I turned 62 and it's stuck in my brain she needs To Explore the thrill of a younger cocksman s talents..