How much is psychological versus sexual?

[wandawantsta]

How much of the stimulation of sex with others is spurred by a psychological excitement of the process and activity rather than by the sheer sex? Dig deep. Think about what really makes you excited apart from an orgasm. This question is really intended for the women, if for no other reason than I'm unfortunately expecting dozens of replies from men saying "I'd like to fuck you unconscious, you hot slut". What exactly turns you on in the course of the whole process? The fantasy? The build up? The pre-meet expectation? The erotic anticipation? The attention? How much teasing or role playing is involved? To what extent does the thinking and fantasizing and planning of a potential meet factor into your excitement? Or is it really just the sex, and everything else is irrelevant? What exactly makes it so exciting? Did your thinking and behavior evolve, or did you always just want to fuck everyone?

 

[shycuckold]

This is a really good question. I believe it is way more psychological than sexual although of course both do matter greatly. Both areas have to be what you are looking for in order for this to work.
I am cuckold and yes seeing Lisa with a man who I perceive as more alpha and who can better satisfy her sexually is a huge turn on for me but it is way deeper than that.
Just like to sit in our living room in a chair while she is sitting there with another man, his hand on her knee and her being giddy and playfully flirty with him. Just to see them touch, to see the look in her eyes as he begins to touch her or slowly undress her looking over at me seeing my obvious excitement, or just to see the woman I love kissing him, knowing what she wants and needs from him can be so erotic. The pure sexual passion they have just amazes, excites, scares me, in part becausei am well aware i was never able to give her this myself. There are so many emotions that you feel making that part of this way deeper and more complex that the sexual aspects alone for me anyway.

 

[wandawantsta]

Very good insight from the male perspective. Would love to hear other interpretations from men as well thought out. Also interested in why you think you can't satisfy her as well as he can. Is that your subjective take on things? Or has your wife acknowledged that that's really the case? But would really love to hear what's going on in the women's mind.

 

[jw_kk]

From the perspective of the partner of a hot wife, as a “bull,” and cheater, for me the experience is a blend of psychological and sexual, probably biased toward the psychological aspects.

My obsession with cuckolding started relatively early, in my college years. It stems from the traumatic events associated with the dissolution of my engagement (although we reconciled, and have been married 40+ years). My then fiancé, now wife KK cheated on me. That triggered my fascination with this lifestyle.


A big part of this is related to seduction, to giving in to one’s lust, being driven by desire. There are aspects that range from the anticipation, and anxiety associated with planning an encounter. Finding a suitable partner, or partners, role-playing to heighten the build-up, and so on all are powerful psychological stimulants.

Through the lens of a cuckolded husband, the knowledge that your wife is fucking other men, and there’s little you can do about it, let alone voice objection is an interesting dynamic. Even more powerful is being present, or perhaps participating as she’s engaged in sex with another man, or men is beyond amazing, a multi-dimensional psychological thrill - the breaking of societal taboos, crossing boundaries, pushing limits is part of the experience.

There’s few comparable experiences like watching your wife in the throes of orgasm, while she’s riding another man’s hard cock. The sight of one’s wife, the center of attention for multiple men, giving herself to the extremes of pleasure in a gang bang is beyond description.

Through the lens of “bull” (I hate that term, but it simplifies conversation), or a man seducing another man’s wife there is an overwhelming sensation, a blended emotion associated with “taking” another man’s wife. The sensation is enhanced when the wife loses control, becoming “my slut."

 

[Robert Smith]

I think it is very psycological in the beginning. While having sex she acted willing saying it might be fun, but nothing ever actually happened. I knew for our relationship to go further I was going to have to press the issue to see if she was all talk and no action. I kept telling her to pick out some guy she would like to fuck. I didn't care if it was old lover or friend. She said she could not approach someone about having sex with them if she really loved me. When she finally agreed to at least meet a man she told me it had to be someone from out of town and that did not know any of her friends. After her first MMF experience I thought we all had a good time. In the morning I was afraid she would feel guilty and say never again. I asked her what she thought about everything that happened. She asked me if I had a good time. I assured her I had and she said great. I asked would she do it again and she said probably but it would have to our special secret and we must be discreet.

Over the years it became more of a sexual thing; big cocks, more men, kinkier sex. Just offering my opinon. Years later when she was about to fuck her first black man some of the old psychological hang ups showed up

. His cock was about the same length as mine, but his girth was impressive. After he wrapped up Elaine smiled at me and said "I can't believe I am doing this. My mom would die". We all chuckled and Nate sat on the couch as Elaine backed up and lowered her pussy onto his cock. She went down slowly saying she wasn't sure she had ever fucked a guy quite that wide.

 

[whiskeytrot]

I've asked my wife what she thinks and I agree with her:
It's 90% physiological. I suggest something and she thinks about it. That's the starting process for her. I find the right guy for her and she gets the final say. Once agreed, she's turned on. She then gets excited about the meeting and can't wait. She may choose a new set of underwear. I book the hotel and a meal prior to meeting him. This is all foreplay. Slow and gentle. Then the eventual sex which is a culmination of all the build up and that gives a greater orgasm for her. The look of the guy is almost secondary.

 

[wandawantsta]

A lot of great insights. Would love to hear what is going on in the women's mind.

 

[CuckmeCleveland]

This is an engaging question and you have framed it with some care.

How much of the stimulation of sex with others is spurred by a psychological excitement of the process and activity rather than by the sheer sex?

Arguably, the ‘how much’ locates the response on a spectrum between two poles and then asks ‘where do we draw the line.’

For this preliminary reply, I would ask whether this might not differ from person to person. No two psycho-sexual personalities are identical. We all react to stimuli, nut not necessarily to the same stimuli. Moreover, when we DO react to the same stimuli, we undoubtedly do so from the perspective of our unique experiences.

We can speak of fetishes because we recognize a commonality of factors related to particular interests. But there are undoubtedly any number of variations within a fetish, be it foot worship, adult nursing or whatever.

Some of this is sociological. Vampirism has no objective basis in reality, and yet for some, the idea is very highly eroticized.

I have always responded very powerfully to the idea of erotic hypnosis. This was based on an old movie with an extremely voluptuous hypnotist that I saw when I was 11. For me, that hit like crack! On the other hand, many younger people were drawn into this on the basis of an animated cartoon — a scene in Jungle Book where Caw [a serpent] lulls unsuspecting victims into hypnotic ...... before eating them.

Kudos to the original poster! I look forward to seeing how this thread develops. I hope the ladies come forward as well. Their capacity for fantasy is the stuff of legend!

Edit: I just remembered a point made a while ago by a talented young woman who, among other things, is employed as a stripper. This kind and good person made the observation that for her, it is her fantasies that make her orgasm.

How cool is that!

 

[metalma123]

My wife only "steps out" without me, I'd say it's 100% psychological for me.

 

[wandawantsta]

This is an engaging question and you have framed it with some care.

How much of the stimulation of sex with others is spurred by a psychological excitement of the process and activity rather than by the sheer sex?

Arguably, the ‘how much’ locates the response on a spectrum between two poles and then asks ‘where do we draw the line.’

For this preliminary reply, I would ask whether this might not differ from person to person. No two psycho-sexual personalities are identical. We all react to stimuli, nut not necessarily to the same stimuli. Moreover, when we DO react to the same stimuli, we undoubtedly do so from the perspective of our unique experiences.

We can speak of fetishes because we recognize a commonality of factors related to particular interests. But there are undoubtedly any number of variations within a fetish, be it foot worship, adult nursing or whatever.

Some of this is sociological. Vampirism has no objective basis in reality, and yet for some, the idea is very highly eroticized.

I have always responded very powerfully to the idea of erotic hypnosis. This was based on an old movie with an extremely voluptuous hypnotist that I saw when I was 11. For me, that hit like crack! On the other hand, many younger people were drawn into this on the basis of an animated cartoon — a scene in Jungle Book where Caw [a serpent] lulls unsuspecting victims into hypnotic ...... before eating them.

Kudos to the original poster! I look forward to seeing how this thread develops. I hope the ladies come forward as well. Their capacity for fantasy is the stuff of legend!

Edit: I just remembered a point made a while ago by a talented young woman who, among other things, is employed as a stripper. This kind and good person made the observation that for her, it is her fantasies that make her orgasm.

How cool is that!

Still waiting for some women to comment.

 

[wandawantsta]

From the perspective of the partner of a hot wife, as a “bull,” and cheater, for me the experience is a blend of psychological and sexual, probably biased toward the psychological aspects.

My obsession with cuckolding started relatively early, in my college years. It stems from the traumatic events associated with the dissolution of my engagement (although we reconciled, and have been married 40+ years). My then fiancé, now wife KK cheated on me. That triggered my fascination with this lifestyle.


A big part of this is related to seduction, to giving in to one’s lust, being driven by desire. There are aspects that range from the anticipation, and anxiety associated with planning an encounter. Finding a suitable partner, or partners, role-playing to heighten the build-up, and so on all are powerful psychological stimulants.

Through the lens of a cuckolded husband, the knowledge that your wife is fucking other men, and there’s little you can do about it, let alone voice objection is an interesting dynamic. Even more powerful is being present, or perhaps participating as she’s engaged in sex with another man, or men is beyond amazing, a multi-dimensional psychological thrill - the breaking of societal taboos, crossing boundaries, pushing limits is part of the experience.

There’s few comparable experiences like watching your wife in the throes of orgasm, while she’s riding another man’s hard cock. The sight of one’s wife, the center of attention for multiple men, giving herself to the extremes of pleasure in a gang bang is beyond description.

Through the lens of “bull” (I hate that term, but it simplifies conversation), or a man seducing another man’s wife there is an overwhelming sensation, a blended emotion associated with “taking” another man’s wife. The sensation is enhanced when the wife loses control, becoming “my slut."

That's a very revealing perspective. I just wish a wife would explain her pathology in detail. Because my sense is that it's very different from a man's. And that there's probably more fantasy and seduction involved in the motivation. Nothing critical of your response, it's very interesting. But I'd love to hear about what your wife is thinking when giving herself to the extremes of pleasure in a gang bang. It reinforces my suspicion that 85% of the people on this site are men and very few women share their thoughts.

 

[coastalkid]

It reinforces my suspicion that 85% of the people on this site are men and very few women share their thoughts.

Exactly! I know women can be as diverse as men in their thinking and behavior but nothing gets my attention as much as the post of a well stated, practical sounding woman, one that works to make it work for all involved. I suspect some of the few women here are truly men playing the part. I'm holding out hope your post gets more responses from women! What they think and feel is critical knowledge to me!

 

[wandawantsta]

It hasn't gotten more responses. Selfishly, I'm really only on this site to hear other women's views and experiences because I was unsure of my own. The lack of response to this, and many other questions, has become very disappointing. There are the usual 4-5 women who comment on everything, but the others either are not interested, don't have an opinion, or aren't really women.

 

[ChubbyGermany]

a very very cool question! Compliment. I hope I as hubby/male can write something, too.

 

[wandawantsta]

You can, but that's the point. Where's your wife? Does she have an opinion? Does she know how to write? Is she interested in discussing her thoughts and desires? Does she care? Does she exist? (I'm not insulting your wife, I'm using your question as an example).

 

[wandawantsta]

Thank you so much for that. I find the background and evolving motivation so interesting. I try to compare your thinking to my own, not as a comparison to judge or evaluate, but as a means to understand why I like certain things. There's probably no exact similar motivation in anyone's reasoning, but I find it so interesting to hear. I come from a completely different framework of history and circumstance, yet there winds up being so many similarities in the end behavior lol. In the beginning, I almost thought I was doing it just to entertain my husband, but it's not the case. I have my own selfish reasons (I just enjoy it). We are really using each other, but we know it and we don't care. We both need the eggs (an old psychiatrist joke). I have no interest in humiliating him and never do anything without him present and approving, but we make each other very happy. We waited for the kids to leave before even thinking about it. I find it interesting how you remember all the guys and scenarios and details. It sounds like it's more emotional for you than I allow it to be. I hate to admit it, but I don't care about the guys after it's over; they are just a prop for us. I never have vaginal sex with the other guys, and I'm guessing that's why I can so easily dismiss the emotional part. I'm hoping other women can provide their motivation as well, it really helps me to understand things more fully. Think I have a long way to go lol.

 

[Sgt Ray]

To put it into more concise & understandable
terms, sex & the enjoyment of sex is easily
more psychological than it is physical. Try watching your fav sitcom and concentrate on it, as you have sex.
The sex is nowhere near as fulfilling as when you're into it and THINKING about it.

 

[BDFing]

To put it into more concise & understandable
terms, sex & the enjoyment of sex is easily
more psychological than it is physical. Try watching your fav sitcom and concentrate on it, as you have sex.
The sex is nowhere near as fulfilling as when you're into it and THINKING about it.

I’m a firm believer 60/40 60 percent psychological and 40 percent physical. Once you understand this then focusing on the desire side and making that last is really helpful. I know there are times I’m working up something for days and the process is really winding my clock.

 

[Sgt Ray]

SO true! Thinking about it, working yourself up to it, extends the enjoyment & eroticism.
BEFORE you physically have sex.
When my gf wraps her lips around my cock, its WAY better if I'm concentrated on that, not jeopardy on tv.

 

[BDFing]

SO true! Thinking about it, working yourself up to it, extends the enjoyment & eroticism.
BEFORE you physically have sex.
When my gf wraps her lips around my cock, its WAY better if I'm concentrated on that, not jeopardy on tv.

Absolutely!!! I know I plan sex events for my wife and tell her a lot of times what I’m thinking. This starts her going as well. It’s all about the adventures and different things we can do. I see a lot of people and couples all they do is have sex and no spice or adventures. Generally these couples don’t last. They get bored with each other.