Girlfriend >Wife > Girlfriend to another man> Vixen> Hotwife > ?

[Phun Times 727]

So following a year of an extra marital relationship with another male, my wife and I are discovering we may have an interest in further exploring the hotwife lifestyle. For the last 9 months or so we have been getting very close with a friend of hers that is a long time hotwife. My wife has known her for several years but only in the last year discovered this common ground they share. This friendship has been very valuable to us in dealing with our feelings and gaining knowledge of the lifestyle. We have flirted with it and done some fun "games" like the hotwife challenge where the woman does certain challenges that put her in awkwardly sexual without sex (or with) situations. Its mostly being overtly flirty with men in situations that iy is not warranted like answering door for a delivery in shear lingerie etc. It can escalate and be more like go to a club, when a man hits on you feel him up or offer to blow him on premise or see if he can get a friend to join. Crazy ...... but innocent enough unless you take it to the extreme. She never made physical contact with any men but did do some flirty stuff that went nowhere.

We both currently have been in deep conversations with my wife's hotwife friend about understanding the option and how we can both enjoy it. This is a scary crossroad and having a coach is a tremendous help. A year ago this was not a possibility, for either of us, but certainly not for my wife. It has taken some time for her to process and become comfortable in her sexuality beyond our marriage. It was never her idea, it was all mine, but she is there. She has become comfortable having mostly uninhibited sex with myself and her lover at the same time and solo and talking about it and discussing what she likes. She isn't currently ready to have sex with multiple partners or anything like that, and may never be. She is open to talking about it though. She is also open to watching her HF friend with her bulls. In fact we both have gone to her friends weekend events. She has weekends where she invites a few of her bulls that she normally sees solo to all come over and spend the weekend. Over the course of the weekend she has sex with all of them one at a time, two at a time and more at a time etc . We have only observed. Right now she is open to discussion of "maybe" getting to third base a few times before trying anything intercourse wise. I am open to trying some new things. Based on discussions with her HF friend it could unlock some new levels in our relationship, sexually and otherwise. I am learning there is a much deeper thing going on other than just watching my wife having sex (which I already enjoy).

Her HF friend has strongly suggested we spend the time to fully understand everything going in and discuss everything and lay out the ground rules, consent, limits, feelings and communication. We have done pretty well with all of that in our current situation with her one lover but this is a large commitment.

 

[Phun Times 727]

The roles of relationship, love and sex

Her HF friend has strongly suggested we spend the time to fully understand the roles everyone plays. She is not in favor of my wife's relationship with her boyfriend as it does not fit this model and is messing with my wife's mindset in that she has two situations that encompass love, relationship and sex, maybe not is same ration as her marriage but close enough to create problems long term. Strange as we have made it one year like this already.

Roles need to be clearly defined and separate with possible overlap.

Relationship: Who is the person in your life that provides the companionship and security role in a relationship? This is the "call in case of emergency" person. It is the person you share a household with. eat your meals with,sign contracts with and generally have as your primary relationship, your spouse in most cases.

Love: Who is the person you share your heart with? Every free thought in your mind defaults to them. You have serious emotional ties with this person. When you receive flowers, you know without doubt who it came from.

Sex: Who is the person you fulfill your primal sex need with?

The roles can overlap and in a lot of cases do but they are not required to overlap and can be exclusive. For the hotwife role it has been advised to define very specific roles. In the words of our coach, bulls are only for sex , you do not hang out or become friends with them. She also follows up with her personal preference, sex is only for bulls, but that is her life choice.

For me I need to rethink what I am there for during her encounters. Obviously if I am participating I have a physical role but if not what is my role/goal? The caveman in me is horny and gets off on it but I also like to see my wife truly let go and enjoy herself. I need to also prepare myself for a bit of her sexual independence from our marital sex as she starts to explore sex for her. I may or may not be a part of it and that has been an area I have tried to get my comfort with.

Everyone has a stop point and it is almost a guarantee that husband and wife do not line up exactly on where their stop point is.

Our HW coach told us that in order to really commit to things we should abstain from sex with each other and if possible from masturbation for 30 days prior to making any decisions or moves in order to let the mind and body have the freedom to explore new ideas.

 

[Phun Times 727]

We have been planning this since roughly the beginning of the year, which is also the time my wife discovered her boyfriend started to see someone. It was bound to happen. Last Thanksgiving we had to do some level setting with him as the relationship had peaked and was not going to go any further commitment wise. She is married and going to remain married and will not be meeting his family or be a full time girlfriend. This more or less forced him into the role of just being a sex partner. He is young and wants a girlfriend. It sounds like he found one. My wife has continued to meet with him only once a week and the three of us have only met up 3 times this year. It has been very different. He is much more assertive/dominant, my wife has actually enjoyed this whereas I have just gone along with it and mostly watching. I figure it will eventually die down as he gets more into his new relationship.

That sort of but not entirely has moved us to a point of looking at the lifestyle much more seriously. and really dig into our research and planning stage. It is 3/14 and we are two full weeks in from our official start day of 3/1 for abstinence per our HW friend. I guess I am on board with why we are abstaining. maybe. It has not been easy but we have figured out ways to handle it as far as sex goes as we can hold each other to it, masturbation is tougher as that happens solo and when the time is right. So far I have not slipped and she insists she has not either.