I’ve been guilty of the ass invite or the foot leg rub.
Just as my other half didn’t realize how unsexy - “you can suck me if you want “ sounds.
Haha, I hear you and I know a lot of husbands are like that... I'm not the "want to suck my cock" dude though. I've always felt like I had some special skill in romancing women and its part of why my wife is with me. I will come up behind her and kiss up her neck, nibble on her ear, etc and she always enjoys it. Sometimes it will result in signals that she is receptive to more but other times I can tell she is not in the mood.
Also I could have told my husband I don’t get turned on by “vanilla” porn . I didn’t.
He assumed I hated porn.
I just like mine a little different.
But I also got to a point where I didn’t try to tell him what I wanted.
In the past, I gave her a folder of porn, with a whole range of options, including MFM, gangbangs, and more hardcore stuff, even things I'm not particularly into and then told her to go masturbate while I took the kids out. Later we had sex and she told me which ones she got off to, which were generally MFM / gangbang porn. She can only admit she likes that though if she is already very turned on / ....... Despite the experiment being somewhat successful, she did not have any desire to go back to watch more on her own.
But he tried plenty of the suggestions here and only dug himself a hole with me he will probably never get out of.
Trying to manipulate and guilt me into talking about my past, buying me a Shane diesel dildo
( not for me ), trying to forse the naming other toys and talking like they were other lovers( I’m not turned on by it)
And just in general not listening to me once I did start expressing what I did want vs what doesn’t excite me.
In fact he ended up sitting on the verge of Divorce.
I've never done the naming dildo stuff, which I find kind of weird and I think she would just find more comical than sexual. I've certainly never guilted her into anything. We did once get onto a conversation about what really happened during a break-up we had before we got married, where I always knew I hadn't gotten the full story and she finally admitted to doing a lot more than she had originally said... the result though was that she got very wet, we had hot sex and after we both came, she was still so horny she got me hard again so she could ride me to another orgasm. Haven't brought it up since though, since I realize it is something that was probably only a turn-on in the right mood and would get old quickly.
We have a great relationship but it's gotten a lot more lovey and less sexual over time. I guess that is the nature of things but, as you get older, there's a desire to live it up a bit before you're gray and things stop working lol... At least, that's how I've been feeling.
As you suggest, I think it is likely my wife is not missing anything and seems fairly content with how things are. I've asked her what she wants / what would make her feel more sexual but she doesn't seem to know and maybe there just isn't anything.
The problem is that I don't feel content. We have amazing, hot, dirty sex still on occasion but its only when all the right things align, maybe every 3 months, with more vanilla sex every 2-3 weeks. I think I'd be happy if it were double that. I find it especially frustrating that she doesn't seem to get turned on by me the way she used to but then I have to resist the advances of certain friends of hers that come onto me and even grope me at parties. Makes me very frustrated that other women seem to want me more than my wife.
I think a big issue is just kids and lack of opportunity at the times of day that she is more likely to be horny, as she gets tried early these days. Maybe next school year things will improve when my youngest goes to kindergarten and we're finally alone in the house for several hours during the day, for the first time in forever.
I think the difference with a lot of men on here is that I'm not really looking for my wife to become something she never was - I just wish she could be a bit more like her old self again.