Wat am I?

Well here’s my story absolutely true

So one day we are out drinking with friends my wife had got me addicted to doing blow so I went to the bathroom and it was a guy selling some so I got it and was doing bumps in the bathroom so I was gone probably twenty minutes wen I come back from a distance I can see my wife with her had one one of my friends dick the print made it look big so I pretend not to notice and fast forward we were in the bed talking about fantasies and we both wanted threesomes she wanted two dicks and I wanted another female so we ended up setting it up me and the wife drinking and doing blow my bbc friend came over and i literally tell him to fuck her but wat do u kno this guy had 12in it had to be the most amazing dick I had ever seen and he destroyed her well we got addicted so we invited him over every night for over a yr the way she sucked his dick and how it looked in her mouth had he hooked I wanted to suck it well it never happened but we ended up stopping having threesome with him for a while so the friend from the bar that nite was over to the house and we were drinking and he always would talk about how big he was so me being buzzed up told him to prove it so he stood up and pulled it out it was only about 10in but it looked very nice so wen he about to pull his pants back up I said no just leave off we can all take our clothes off little did I kno he had already banged my wife I found out because while moaning she said fuck me like last time I was hurt but I was still loving the way he pounded her out the ...... turned me on my wife has fuck two of my bbc friends with big ones I didn’t wanna stop having theesomes I loved watching but I was distraught she went behind my back so we stopped having threesome because I wanted to find out more of her cheating so I set up voice recorders and spy cam and I be dam in my mind I wanted to be a cuckold but I couldn’t because I had a cheating wife well every time a black friend would come over I would be out of the room or in the bathroom doing blow she was sucking dick I mean everyone of my friends 8 to be exact but I didn’t say anything cuz for some reason I was turned on watching on my phone doing blow rubbing one out to the point where I would leave out for 30 minutes or more just to watch I be in the backyard watching thru the window wanking and one time I even see cum in her hair now I’m addicted I just wanna keep watching but I really want to join and suck a cock with her I’m not attracted to men but I love a huge cock I was eating cream pies out of her for the longest till this day she doesn’t kno I kno but I love it and I wanna suck a bbc and swallow cum like her I have some of the spy vids but I have all of the audio two weeks ago I followed her and she ended meeting up with the first guy we ever had a threesome with that is her favorite one but I think it’s just bbc because all 8 of the guys she did behind my back had dicks bigger then mine I wanna do another threesome but she doesn’t want probably because all the bbc she takes behind my back I just wanna watch and maybe experience one in my mouth but I’m to scared to tell her my fantasies I have a cheating wife but I want to be cucked like to watch and wank wat am i