Both here. When we first started, definitely a stag, until one day a guy I was vetting asked for a meetup. He was only available the same night I had an office party at work, so I agreed for us to to stop by on our way home.
Bill sat in the easy chair and we on his couch. As we were chatting and getting more comfortable with him, I was playing with the top of her panties through a hole I noticed between the buttons on the back of her dress. Bill noticed, then without asking, stood up, walked over, taking her by the hand, stood her up and said I want to see. He put his hand up her dress and started unbuttoning it. Instead of trying to stop him, she spread her legs while he stripped her to her thigh highs.
At that point, her guided her up the stairs to his room. I was totally ignored.
Later after several good poundings by Bill, the last doggy. Beka came over and straddled me on her hands and knees and started kissing me, telling me it was my turn. Bill moved behind her and started using my wife as his toy and me as the mattress.
So, it can be complicated.