Routines and routine experiences

[coastalkid]

I have asked this before. I have asked this question on another site as well. I have yet to get much in the way of a response. In my own personal experience routine sex with my wife greatly diminished my desire. I knew what we were going to do, how long it would last, what position we would be in, and what we would say afterwards. I imagine this happens to lots of couples that have been together long enough.

If you get "used" to something/anything enough, no matter what it is, does it still have the appeal it once had? Like for instance, denial. If you're denied and you expect to be denied is it as big of a thrill? If you have grown accustomed to being humiliated, is it as humiliating 10 years later? If you've been "pussy free" for 20 years do you still want pussy like you did at week one? If your wife goes out every Saturday and comes home Sunday morning is it as exciting as it was the first time and is it as important to hear the details after 20 years?

I'm not a psychologist but it sure seems that anything routine becomes a sort of "conditioning". Successful couples must realize this and either embrace the conditioning or they do something to prevent the ambivalence. What are your thoughts?

 

[Catholic_Wife]

Perhaps what could be perceived as routine can vary from each person.

Wife boasts about she being a person of routines and habits, and she loves patterns. But her sex "routine" consist to see many different men plus her husband, so, her routine is also matching her utmost desires. Maybe that's why it is fitting.

I would be very bored if our sex life stagnate at certain point, too. I mean stagnate about sex conversations, ideas, roleplays. Luckily it isn't.

Routine could be good, as long it is filling your jar of wishes and dopamine. It seems for us.

 

[coastalkid]

Perhaps what could be perceived as routine can vary from each person.

Wife boasts about she being a person of routines and habits, and she loves patterns. But her sex "routine" consist to see many different men plus her husband, so, her routine is also matching her utmost desires. Maybe that's why it is fitting.

I would be very bored if our sex life stagnate at certain point, too. I mean stagnate about sex conversations, ideas, roleplays. Luckily it isn't.

Routine could be good, as long it is filling your jar of wishes and dopamine. It seems for us.

Thanks for your reply! I don't disagree with you as to what constitutes "routine" and that it can and will vary between people.

Even though your wife boasts of her routine and habits it leads to another variety by degrees. She may have a routine of sex with different men (and you) but from what I've read of your posts there is a uniqueness in each of her experiences. Further, since your dynamic is a truly shared (your wife doesn't hide anything from you), you in turn get to experience that thrill from the uniqueness. Like that whole Grandma situation. Even though you weren't there, that was a unique and exciting experience for you too. Those kind of things keep it fresh and fun, far from routine even though it centers on her fucking someone else.

I'm certain you could imagine a routine that has much different results under different circumstances.

Upon reflection, on a similar personal routine, I can't help but think about my desire to smoke pot routinely. It seems pretty much the same each time but it always leads to a variety of experiences in the end. As you say, that dopamine is fulfilled and everything's good!

 

[Catholic_Wife]

Thanks for your reply! I don't disagree with you as to what constitutes "routine" and that it can and will vary between people.

Even though your wife boasts of her routine and habits it leads to another variety by degrees. She may have a routine of sex with different men (and you) but from what I've read of your posts there is a uniqueness in each of her experiences. Further, since your dynamic is a truly shared (your wife doesn't hide anything from you), you in turn get to experience that thrill from the uniqueness. Like that whole Grandma situation. Even though you weren't there, that was a unique and exciting experience for you too. Those kind of things keep it fresh and fun, far from routine even though it centers on her fucking someone else.

I'm certain you could imagine a routine that has much different results under different circumstances.

Upon reflection, on a similar personal routine, I can't help but think about my desire to smoke pot routinely. It seems pretty much the same each time but it always leads to a variety of experiences in the end. As you say, that dopamine is fulfilled and everything's good!

We could face pretty different results ourselves, if wife and I weren't that much adapted into this lifestyle. Yes.

Like the sex and the pot (or even coffee), if our routines and likings are the ones fulfilling us just on the spot, we might be prone to feel really ok with them going on for cycles and more cycles.

I already felt kinda trapped in bad routines during past relationships. Even in sexual terms. It felt like Groundhog Day but without any hope to date Andie MacDowell. So, very different circumstances.