Realistic, reasonable boundaries are best mutually determined. In my experience, it's not always possible to be present for an encounter. The reasons are many; my wife travels frequently on business, which gives her lots of opportunities to play without me present. She also enjoys "private" encounters from time to time, or opportunistic sex that arises in the moment - in those cases I'm not present for the event.
Within reason, driven partly by pragmatics, we have protocols for personal safety if KK's doing an encounter without me present. While I don't "favorite" being present over absent, some of the best encounter memories happened when KK was flying solo, and I got the blow-by-blow details after the fact.
