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I think a lot of the time it DOES  come down to the man in question. Does your wife fancy him like really! or is it just for you.   Mine had a lover for 20-25 years on and off  both when he was single then married with ........ ( i ithink they liked each other).  never cheated though. both always told me they were meeting/ having fun.   stuff she would NEVER do with me.  even when i was with them!!!   fun times but you need to get on your wifes level. it is really important and worth it x