Hit a Roadbump - Looking 4 Advice Thx!

[cuckjohn71]

Hi all! I’m a new user on this site and I’m here really for a single purpose - I’m seeking your advice.

My beautiful wife and I have been together 20 years and we have 3 kids. Life is stressful, and Covid sure hasn’t helped. I sure hope we are on our way to less stressful times.

My wife and I have fantasized about her being a hotwife for a couple of years now. When it first began she admitted that the idea was very intriguing and we even got in contact with a potential experienced bull on SLS. She took the lead in the conversations but unfortunately when she, simply in the spirit of transparency, admitted that she wasn’t 100% sold on the idea and was trying to get comfortable with it, his response was to disengage stating that he didn’t really have the patience for it and told us to contact him when we were ready.

Now, for the record, I totally understand. None of this is without risk and I imagine he’s been around the block many times, and simply didn’t want his time wasted. Totally understandable.

Since then I’ve written her really hot stories and we’ve fantasized about it but I think I’ve overdone it a bit and I think she feels I’m pressuring her. She now says she isn’t interested anymore, and of course, I’m super disappointed. I keep hoping that the spark that was there initially will return, and perhaps my pressuring her has only added to her stress. I’m now taking the stance that I need to just drop it, focus on building trust with her, connecting with her and helping her feel safe. My hope is when things become less stressful she will bring it up again. Until then I guess I just need to be patient and leave the ball in her court.

Is there anything you would suggest I do differently? Thx!

 

[Lolfuck]

"When you are doing foreplay, tell her something like, "Baby, I know when we fantasized about another guy it really fired both of us up. But when we started to explore it in real life, it became more stressful. I don't care if we never try it in real life but maybe we can use it to chat about it when we're in bed".
Keep it in fantasy for as long as possible. Have her get tons of orgasms thinking about it. She will bring up actually doing it if shes willing. Just my opinion.

 

[Lynnandhubby]

Well firstly she's probably feeling a bit rejected when the guy broke off contact and it's likely given her confidence a knock. And her apparent indifference now may come from not wanting to have that happen again.
She needs her confidence building again. Let her go out on her own or with you watching from a safe distance and let her get chatted up and and flirt a little. She doesn't have to take it any further but it will help her confidence and I bet get her very aroused. Then would be a good time to talk about it again.
Don't pressure her though, if she feels backed into a corner, she'll dig her heels in.
Good luck and hope it works out for you both xx

 

[cuckjohn71]

"When you are doing foreplay, tell her something like, "Baby, I know when we fantasized about another guy it really fired both of us up. But when we started to explore it in real life, it became more stressful. I don't care if we never try it in real life but maybe we can use it to chat about it when we're in bed".
Keep it in fantasy for as long as possible. Have her get tons of orgasms thinking about it. She will bring up actually doing it if shes willing. Just my opinion.

Thank you - that’s exactly what I’m doing, but I’m letting her bring it up when she’s ready, if she ever is. I do wonder if there are things I can say to sort of plant seeds in ways that she doesn’t feel like I’m pressuring her. Really appreciate your advice!

 

[cuckjohn71]

Well firstly she's probably feeling a bit rejected when the guy broke off contact and it's likely given her confidence a knock. And her apparent indifference now may come from not wanting to have that happen again.
She needs her confidence building again. Let her go out on her own or with you watching from a safe distance and let her get chatted up and and flirt a little. She doesn't have to take it any further but it will help her confidence and I bet get her very aroused. Then would be a good time to talk about it again.
Don't pressure her though, if she feels backed into a corner, she'll dig her heels in.
Good luck and hope it works out for you both xx

Hmm that’s a really interesting point that I hadn’t considered. Thank you for the advice. I’m just going to focus my efforts on building her up and hopefully that spark will ignite again 😊

 

[Lolfuck]

The more comfortable she is with it in fantasy may make it so in real life. I would make sure she knows its only fantasy and to feel safe about embracing it. THEN let the subject of real life come ONLY FROM HER.

 

[Lolfuck]

?

 

[NeedaDomInMI]

She may need to have her confidence built up a bit.

What are you doing to foster and develop your relationship with her? Are you telling her she is beautiful? Are you focusing on other parts of your relationship? A healthy, strong relationship is absolutely necessary. Maybe she wasn’t ready before because she wasn’t confident in the marriage you built.

If you two go out, suggest something for her to wear that you consider hot. Pay her complements. Also, point out if other men take notice of her. Be light and casual about it. Take your time. She is worth it.

 

[cuckjohn71]

The more comfortable she is with it in fantasy may make it so in real life. I would make sure she knows its only fantasy and to feel safe about embracing it. THEN let the subject of real life come ONLY FROM HER.

Great advice. Thank you!

 

[cuckjohn71]

She may need to have her confidence built up a bit.

What are you doing to foster and develop your relationship with her? Are you telling her she is beautiful? Are you focusing on other parts of your relationship? A healthy, strong relationship is absolutely necessary. Maybe she wasn’t ready before because she wasn’t confident in the marriage you built.

If you two go out, suggest something for her to wear that you consider hot. Pay her complements. Also, point out if other men take notice of her. Be light and casual about it. Take your time. She is worth it.

Thank you. Yes, I tell her every day how beautiful and amazing she is. Really appreciate the advice. She is definitely worth it. 😊