Wow! At the very beginning of following you I thought you were crazy. Later on as I've been following you convinced me that you were not. Now all this talk about roles, ground rules, consent, limits, feelings and communication has me viewing you in whole new light altogether. It's been an amazing year of transition!
There are definitely some dynamics that seem unavoidable like having a "regular" bf friend and the comfort of an emotional connection. They seem to fall into two distinct results, 1) The emotional and sexual bond grows with the bf and the wife leaves for greener pastures, or, 2) The emotional and sexual bond grows to the point where it is obviously a threat to the marriage and pain is involved in limiting that growth.
I think if you can really do as you say and really dig into the research and planning you will be much more satisfied. I know it's impossible to plan for any and all outcomes but you should open your mind to as many possibilities as you can imagine.
I do wonder if abstaining from sex will keep you in your "clearest" mind. There's a lot mentioned about "post orgasm clarity" and the things people wouldn't have done if they hadn't been horny. That could be a factor in your planning and research that may affect things.
