Did I get lost?

[JadeEden]

Hello,

I am a 33 year old woman.
I have been in a relationship with an amazing man for 8 years, and we have been in a submissive/cuckold lifestyle for 3 years.

My husband is a submissive who wears a full time chastity cage. He is allowed one ruined orgasm per week and no longer has sex with me.
I also sleep with other men.

Here's my huge problem:
For the first year of this lifestyle, I was sleeping with different men every time.
But with the lack of time, we preferred to look for a regular.
I've had a regular lover for a year now. I sleep with him in front of my husband or not.
He's close to our couple (he comes to dinner etc).
I made a first mistake: spending non-sexual time with this lover (it excites my husband and me too): we organized restaurants...
For several months, I've been developing feelings for this lover..and I'm lost...
I must mention that I'm also madly in love with my husband.

I don't know what to do...I've talked to my lover who also has feelings for me and doesn't mind if I stay with my husband...
What should I do? Stop all this and stop this relationship (if I stop, I'll also stop cukcold because I wouldn't have the heart to sleep with another man), talk to my husband so we can find a solution?
My dream is to have both men for myself. The bull (my lover), and my submissive (my husband)

Please help me.

 

[chastetexan]

Talk to your husband, only the three of you will be able to figure out the path forward. It is easier to not address it, but maybe there is a happy path for all parties involved. If not, better to address it up front than let it drag out. Remember, bad news doesn't get better with age.

 

[Hwcouple702]

The "other guy" needs to be dumped. He's threatening your marriage and with a marriage like yours, you have a need something else. It could be that you need something else permanently. A guy who's gone from a sexual fetish to this sort of full time "lifestyle" and has been doing it for 3 years isn't likely to change. You are only 33 and you seem to have a desire for some "normalcy". You aren't likely to get that from your husband and if he won't give up his "chastity lifestyle" then I don't see how you make this work.

When we're in the mood for being sexy or bizarrely erotic, then such things are welcomed. When regular life is involved, all of this can become tedious and unsatisfying. You can't be turned on all the time and sometimes you just want a husband to be a "real man" and not some simpering submissive sex object who can't ever put his own desires behind him at all. It's no wonder you are romantically attracted to another man.

I know this sounds harsh, but you and your husband need to talk about your feelings. He needs to know that you are falling for another man and that stopping this full time fetish is paramount in saving your marriage. If a guy can hear from his wife that his behavior is pushing her away and still continue that behavior, then I don't see how you resolve this at such a young age. Bottom line, eventually everything in the LS gets stale and needs to be refreshed in some way. Just being "normal" for awhile might be that refreshing behavior.

Of course, maybe I've misread this whole situation, but we've seen much in our marriage and lifestyle years and it's pretty easy to see the writing on the wall with this one.

Mr HW

 

[slavesimon]

Dump your lover - the statement that you don't want other men is because you love your lover. Dump him, deepen your relationship with your husband and move on, once over it, to a purely sexual relationship with another man.

Or - dump your husband and go to your lover. But say goodbye to cukold relationship too..

But I gather your heart lies (still?) more with your husband.

 

[JMNBABE]

Talk to your husband, see what comes out the other side of that. If you don't, and gravitate to your lover behind his back, you'll end up hating yourself. If you break it off with a guy you feel this strongly for, you'll end up hating your husband and yourself too (I know, this happened to me because his wife caught us).
We are emotion driven, despite everything you read on here. Realize that 99% of this is fantasy masturbatory posting by non-participant men who are either Incel's, gay, or living in sexless marriages. We develop emotional feelings for our Lovers, it is how we are wired. Trying to ignore that doesn't work. Talk to your husband, see how he feels about this, and work out something that allows BOTH relationships to continue until one runs its course.

J (the wife)

 

[Jeanswatcher]

This is now obviously getting out of control, quite why your husband hasnt intervened in this is beyond me he risks loosing you and with it his kink.

My cuckoldress has been in this position and she reluctantly called time on the relationship as she realised it was becoming too emotional all round and threatening our relationship. It was her choice not mine, i would add. In my defence i didnt know how close they had become emotionally as they spent 50% of the time alone but this was purely sexual and not relationship building like you are doing.

It is all well your lover saying he doesnt mind if you stay with your husband but emotions are very deep things and what he says to keep you happy may in time change.

You need to talk to your husband and stop seeing this chap.

This will be painful as it was for us but we have survived.

 

[SNJ_Dom]

Well, you say you are "lost", but you didn't exactly say what the problem was...

You said you're still madly in love with your husband, but has he expressed displeasure or unhappiness with your feelings for your boyfriend?
If so, then being "lost" makes sense.

But if hubby isn't upset, and your lover isn't trying to steal you away from hubby, then...where's the problem? You have the best of both.

 

[2wheel]

The 1st rule of this lifestyle is "preserve the primary relationship".

Nothing else needs to be said.