Caught wife sexting another man. Advice needed.

[Ben&cherry]

Hi all.

Me and the wife have been together a long time. 24 years. She has known for many years that I want to share her and for her to be a hotwife in the stag/vixen lifestyle.

I have on many of occasions said to her that she can sext other guys. But I want to know about it and see the messages and pictures she sends. She has always said she would. But not really taken the step to do it. The ones she has done didn't really go anywhere and she didn't really get flirty and sexual with them.

Well the other week we had a argument. Not to do with sharing or anything. But it ended up with me looking through her phone for answers.

Well I did get the answers to what I wanted. But at the same time I went through one of her social media profiles messages. Well I saw a message from (the app name) user. Meaning he was no longer on there with that profile.

I opened up the chat and it was message after message of her flirting, talking about meeting, pictures and videos. Him replying etc.... Lots of sexual context in the message between the 2 of them.

Now obviously I didn't know it and I was deeply hurt as she said she would tell me when she does but she didn't about this.

She has said to me they never met up for anything. Even though he was a ex Co worker. He is half her age aswell. She basically said she liked the attention.

I do believe her and she has been very apologetic over it and felt extreme guilt.


So my question for advice is. How can I now turn this into more and actually get her to be shared? She seems to like the sexting with guys and like younger guys that find her attractive and give her attention. We did set up a profile on a swingers website where she can chat to guys. But at the moment she says that's all she wants to do.

 

[Zeke2397]

Ok

 

[Zeke2397]

Just let her discover what she likes and go from there

 

[jusme]

Have you asked her if she wants to have sex with him? She just may say yes she does

 

[pauley_uk]

Hi all.

Me and the wife have been together a long time. 24 years. She has known for many years that I want to share her and for her to be a hotwife in the stag/vixen lifestyle.

I have on many of occasions said to her that she can sext other guys. But I want to know about it and see the messages and pictures she sends. She has always said she would. But not really taken the step to do it. The ones she has done didn't really go anywhere and she didn't really get flirty and sexual with them.

Well the other week we had a argument. Not to do with sharing or anything. But it ended up with me looking through her phone for answers.

Well I did get the answers to what I wanted. But at the same time I went through one of her social media profiles messages. Well I saw a message from (the app name) user. Meaning he was no longer on there with that profile.

I opened up the chat and it was message after message of her flirting, talking about meeting, pictures and videos. Him replying etc.... Lots of sexual context in the message between the 2 of them.

Now obviously I didn't know it and I was deeply hurt as she said she would tell me when she does but she didn't about this.

She has said to me they never met up for anything. Even though he was a ex Co worker. He is half her age aswell. She basically said she liked the attention.

I do believe her and she has been very apologetic over it and felt extreme guilt.


So my question for advice is. How can I now turn this into more and actually get her to be shared? She seems to like the sexting with guys and like younger guys that find her attractive and give her attention. We did set up a profile on a swingers website where she can chat to guys. But at the moment she says that's all she wants to do.

Rule number 1) never look through her phone. If you have a concern, just ask her.
It works both ways, I’m sure if she went through your phone she would find things that you would feel awkward about and couldn’t explain

 

[Ben&cherry]

Have you asked her if she wants to have sex with him? She just may say yes she does

I have asked and she said no. I wouldnt want her to with him anyway. But with a different guy who is a stranger yes.

 

[Ben&cherry]

Rule number 1) never look through her phone. If you have a concern, just ask her.
It works both ways, I’m sure if she went through your phone she would find things that you would feel awkward about and couldn’t explain

We are married. Nothing should be a secret. I have no issue with her going through my phone. She should have no issue with me going through hers. Also I did ask but she kept denying it.

 

[pauley_uk]

We are married. Nothing should be a secret. I have no issue with her going through my phone. She should have no issue with me going through hers. Also I did ask but she kept denying it.

Dude you literally said “we had a argument. Not to do with sharing or anything. But it ended up with me looking through her phone for answers”

 

[pauley_uk]

“Well I did get the answers to what I wanted. But at the same time I went through one of her social media profiles messages”

why?

 

[Ben&cherry]

Dude you literally said “we had a argument. Not to do with sharing or anything. But it ended up with me looking through her phone for answers”

She gave me her phone to look.

 

[Ben&cherry]

“Well I did get the answers to what I wanted. But at the same time I went through one of her social media profiles messages”

why?

She said to look. So I did. I just came across the messages. As soon as I saw them. I asked her about it.

Anyway your turning this is something that is irrelevant to what I asked. She is into younger guys and sexting. I wanted to know how I can progress with it. If you got nothing else to say on that matter then don't bother replying.

 

[pauley_uk]

She said to look. So I did. I just came across the messages. As soon as I saw them. I asked her about it.

Anyway your turning this is something that is irrelevant to what I asked. She is ino younger guys and sexting. I wanted to know how I can progress with it. If you got nothing else to say on that matter then don't bother replying.

Fair enough. For what it’s worth, and I speak as man who’s wife loves younger men, and I also encourage her to engage in sexting, and also try to set things up with other men for her, is: don’t force it, don’t ask her for updates of every man she communicates with, every so often ask her if she has had any progress and has she met anyone with potential. If she says yes, ask her to show you what pics of her she has sent to him, and ask to see the dick pics he sent her. Ask her what she thinks of his cock. It will turn you both on.

 

[Ben&cherry]

Fair enough. For what it’s worth, and I speak as man who’s wife loves younger men, and I also encourage her to engage in sexting, and also try to set things up with other men for her, is: don’t force it, don’t ask her for updates of every man she communicates with, every so often ask her if she has had any progress and has she met anyone with potential. If she says yes, ask her to show you what pics of her she has sent to him, and ask to see the dick pics he sent her. Ask her what she thinks of his cock. It will turn you both on.

I get that in don't push it and give her space. But I want it to be something we do together. Not for her to go out alone. I want to be there while she is getting pleasured and to watch them go at it. So that's basically it. Just let her get on with it and keep a check in every now and then. She has said to me that she will tell me in future if she get chatting to people and I can view the messages etc...

 

[Ht805cpl]

I get that in don't push it and give her space. But I want it to be something we do together. Not for her to go out alone. I want to be there while she is getting pleasured and to watch them go at it. So that's basically it. Just let her get on with it and keep a check in every now and then. She has said to me that she will tell me in future if she get chatting to people and I can view the messages etc...

Dude she is already banging him, she has made you a stay at home out of the way cuckold! Open your eyes,, she plays it down like nothing is going on but it is, she has found a young guy who is hot for her and making her feel youthful again, and all the time playing you along! You are now a capitol C cuckold!

 

[2wheel]

I think since you broached this in such as manner that put her in a position to apologize, you most likely screwed the pooch.

You'll need to apologize for your attitude which will need to include a lot of groveling.

 

[getwifetopplay]

Dude she is already banging him, she has made you a stay at home out of the way cuckold! Open your eyes,, she plays it down like nothing is going on but it is, she has found a young guy who is hot for her and making her feel youthful again, and all the time playing you along! You are now a capitol C cuckold!

I agree with this sexting will always lead to this and a horrible thing to allow . I don't about you but fucking the same guy behind your back is basically a relationship. The next step is no sex and you're on your way to a free paycheck.

If I was you I would stop this right now and tell you will leave her if you find out she is ever with this guy. Then tell her if she wants to fuck other guys she needs to talk you and you will she will let you know who she is fucking in the future and will not do anything if your don't approve.

 

[Ht805cpl]

I agree with this sexting will always lead to this and a horrible thing to allow . I don't about you but fucking the same guy behind your back is basically a relationship. The next step is no sex and you're on your way to a free paycheck.

If I was you I would stop this right now and tell you will leave her if you find out she is ever with this guy. Then tell her if she wants to fuck other guys she needs to talk you and you will she will let you know who she is fucking in the future and will not do anything if your don't approve.

I think it’s too late for that,

 

[wormwood]

So, she made a mistake. It happens. If you want to eventually watch her with another man, you may have to accept things the way she wants them to occur. In the long game of getting what you eventually want, you should always be encouraging her and never make any of it a negative experience. You would have been better off if you had told her how it turned you on that she was doing this. You had a chance to make this a fun thing but now she has her back up and is afraid of you being upset. At some point you could have extracted a promise that she would include you in the future if you had reacted the right way.
I think you should apologize and confess to her that you've been thinking about it, and you are really turned on and praise her for taking steps towards the ultimate goal. Let her know that she is safe with sharing.

 

[Ht805cpl]

So, she made a mistake. It happens. If you want to eventually watch her with another man, you may have to accept things the way she wants them to occur. In the long game of getting what you eventually want, you should always be encouraging her and never make any of it a negative experience. You would have been better off if you had told her how it turned you on that she was doing this. You had a chance to make this a fun thing but now she has her back up and is afraid of you being upset. At some point you could have extracted a promise that she would include you in the future if you had reacted the right way.
I think you should apologize and confess to her that you've been thinking about it, and you are really turned on and praise her for taking steps towards the ultimate goal. Let her know that she is safe with sharing.

Good advice, salvage what ever you can and turn it into a positive thing for everyone, perhaps what true love is about forgiveness and work it out!

 

[Berta698]

I agree she's already banging him. You said there were messages between them about meeting. It’s likely they already have or are. If you really want her with someone else, you might just have to let it happen this way until she's comfortable enough to tell you or include you. That or just put an end to it because it certainly sounds like she's already having an affair.