"A doctor gave me his number" - wtf do I do?

[MisterNobody]

I was pretty much giving up on my favourite fantasy when suddenly... I don't know, suddenly something. Maybe only in my head, but it feels like a possibility again.

Briefly, my wife Anna and I are mid-40s and have been married for 20 years this year. Relationship is stronger than ever, but sex is a bit rare atm, mostly due to kids and jobs. I've had the cuckold fantasy for many years now, and although Anna knows, she's been at best undecided whether even to fantasise. She's a sexual person, but mostly vanilla.

We've used the fantasy a few times in the bedroom, and although Anna seemed into it and came really hard every time, it felt a lot more like she was doing it 'for me'. Then she began to ask tricky questions about it, and I guess then we both sort of backed off. However, she has admitted she likes the thought of a mmf threesome; really loves when men fancy her; and does sometimes tease me, although it's always a bit ambiguous.

Example: asking for clarification after she got chatted up and I didn't intervene, she asked some questions which I answered honestly. Then she said "well careful what you wish for, You know I wouldn't be interested in just having sex with someone without a relationship. I'd need more than that." I still don't know if it was meant to put me off; in reality, it gave me a much stronger fantasy: the idea of my wife having an actual boyfriend. So hot.

Since then, nothing much. I assumed it probably was intended to close things down, and I stopped mentioning it for a while. When we do have sex, it's fairly vanilla. And then there was a development!

 

[MisterNobody]

Anna went to a work conference a couple of days ago - no overnight or anything. She seemed quite fired up when she came home, and said how it had been a really good day - she's passionate about her work so I didn't think much further about it... until she said "and a doctor gave me his number".

Instant bulge, instant panic. It's hard to read Anna sometimes, and the safest response (disapproval and possessiveness) risks messing up the whole possibility of anything happening.

So I said, cleverly, "um, what?". She always loves when men fancy her - it makes her feel sexy and desirable. Apparently after Anna had done her talk, this doctor (Anna's work overlaps with healthcare) "couldn't take his eyes off me" and "ignored everyone else and came straight over to me" when there was a break. Still so hard to read her - she's simultaneously beaming at what happened, but rolling her eyes at the letch at the same time.

I probed a little more, and apparently this guy was going on about Anna's work and how they need to meet up to discuss it - but according to Anna he's as aware as she is that there's really no relevance to his work. He gave her his number and (personal) email, along with a short note saying how her talk was amazing, and how much he'd like to find out more.

I asked, almost jokily, if she was going to call him - fully expecting her usual reply to such things, which would be "no, obviously not, he's out of order and I'm married", fitting in with her eye rolls and generally disappointing my libido - but she actually said she might! And she seemed to mean it, it wasn't in her teasing voice, and she added that although it's not at all relevant to the doctor or his team, he could possibly open the door to a new hospital for her.

I haven't been able to find out much more yet, but now I'm wondering if Anna might actually like this guy. No doubt from her account and his note that he likes her. She definitely liked his attention - I know she'll be impressed that it's a doctor who's shown an interest in her as well, even if she pretends not - and on some level she enjoyed telling me about it. But she might also be wanting me to tear up his number and swear revenge - my lack of outrage might already be upsetting her. I tried to leave my response, a bit like Dr Letch's note, open to interpretation, but I'm going to have to figure out my next move pretty quickly. We'll probably have some time to talk more at the weekend.

What should I do? What should I think? Any ideas, suggestions or reflections would be appreciated.

Obviously I don't want to upset Anna, and certainly not to endanger our marriage. But omfg, I'm imagining the possibilities here.

 

[jeffmurdoc]

Maybe try and bring him into bedroom role-playing and or bring him up casually in a week or so asking if he has opened any doors for a. New hospital?

 

[MisterNobody]

Thanks Jeff - I'm planning for him to turn up in bedroom talk at the first opportunity (if it feels right, depends on my reading of where Anna's up to), but with life stuff right now we barely get to talk for more than 10 minutes. Not sure when we'll next get 'alone time' but not for probably a week or two, could be longer. Sometimes it's weeks.

I will ask as soon as we've got a minute whether there's been any progress with "getting into the new hospital", but that's where some of my panic is.

If I actually bring it up casually, Anna could think I'm not bothered that a guy has hit on her - this would mean she feels hurt and like I don't care.

If I bring it up with winks and nudges, that's probably also going to be taken wrong - again, Anna is prone to thinking people don't care or value her, which would be a huge turn-off. Like, that would be too light hearted, like it's not important.

If I bring it up all serious like it is important, she'll probably think I'm cross and unhappy with the situation, and that she should back off him.

If I just explain what's going on for me honestly (like I would probably tell anyone else in my position to do) - well, that could go in either direction, and has in the past. And one more failed attempt by me to suggest Anna looks at another guy is probably going to be the last. Hence my fear at messing this up. I really, really don't want this fantasy to be off the table permanently. Last time I brought it up things didn't go brilliantly, so this probably is my last chance.

 

[WifeAdmirer]

I am one who has tried in the past, got very very close but the guy is the one that chickened out after my wife said, I'm yours to do anything you want.

The longer you go, the more awkward bringing it up could be. I'd keep it as part of your daily, every couple of days questions. Since it was yesterday, ask her if she called and does it look like she's going to get in. The first step is her calling and making the visit, without that, bringing up anything deeper, from what you've said, probably won't go the way you'd hope.

First goal is does she engage
Second goal actually makes the visit
Third do they continue contact

Once you have all three of those, then start sprinkling in the sexual aspect to it.

 

[wormwood]

The gears in her head have been grinding over this for a long time. Her telling you about this doctor was obviously a test and you're right to be wary of your response. Unfortunately, we don't always respond correctly when initially presented with an opportunity like this.
Make sure you're in a situation where you can talk at length about this when you do bring it up. Just reinforce the positive. She stands to gain by "getting into the new hospital" so use that part of it to reinforce your point. She doesn't have to go to bed with the doctor to explore a new opportunity work wise. Tell her how you can sympathize with the doctor and don't blame him for being a "letch". She's a beautiful woman and you wouldn't be surprised if in the past her good looks has gotten her foot in the door of other business she's pursued. Tell her that yes, it obviously excites you to some extent, but she can take this at her own pace and she has your permission and encouragement. Who knows? If she allows him to pursue her, she, and you, might see a side benefit to this if she finds he's a nice guy and enjoys his company.