"A doctor gave me his number" - wtf do I do?

[MisterNobody]

I was pretty much giving up on my favourite fantasy when suddenly... I don't know, suddenly something. Maybe only in my head, but it feels like a possibility again.

Briefly, my wife Anna and I are mid-40s and have been married for 20 years this year. Relationship is stronger than ever, but sex is a bit rare atm, mostly due to kids and jobs. I've had the cuckold fantasy for many years now, and although Anna knows, she's been at best undecided whether even to fantasise. She's a sexual person, but mostly vanilla.

We've used the fantasy a few times in the bedroom, and although Anna seemed into it and came really hard every time, it felt a lot more like she was doing it 'for me'. Then she began to ask tricky questions about it, and I guess then we both sort of backed off. However, she has admitted she likes the thought of a mmf threesome; really loves when men fancy her; and does sometimes tease me, although it's always a bit ambiguous.

Example: asking for clarification after she got chatted up and I didn't intervene, she asked some questions which I answered honestly. Then she said "well careful what you wish for, You know I wouldn't be interested in just having sex with someone without a relationship. I'd need more than that." I still don't know if it was meant to put me off; in reality, it gave me a much stronger fantasy: the idea of my wife having an actual boyfriend. So hot.

Since then, nothing much. I assumed it probably was intended to close things down, and I stopped mentioning it for a while. When we do have sex, it's fairly vanilla. And then there was a development!

 

[MisterNobody]

Anna went to a work conference a couple of days ago - no overnight or anything. She seemed quite fired up when she came home, and said how it had been a really good day - she's passionate about her work so I didn't think much further about it... until she said "and a doctor gave me his number".

Instant bulge, instant panic. It's hard to read Anna sometimes, and the safest response (disapproval and possessiveness) risks messing up the whole possibility of anything happening.

So I said, cleverly, "um, what?". She always loves when men fancy her - it makes her feel sexy and desirable. Apparently after Anna had done her talk, this doctor (Anna's work overlaps with healthcare) "couldn't take his eyes off me" and "ignored everyone else and came straight over to me" when there was a break. Still so hard to read her - she's simultaneously beaming at what happened, but rolling her eyes at the letch at the same time.

I probed a little more, and apparently this guy was going on about Anna's work and how they need to meet up to discuss it - but according to Anna he's as aware as she is that there's really no relevance to his work. He gave her his number and (personal) email, along with a short note saying how her talk was amazing, and how much he'd like to find out more.

I asked, almost jokily, if she was going to call him - fully expecting her usual reply to such things, which would be "no, obviously not, he's out of order and I'm married", fitting in with her eye rolls and generally disappointing my libido - but she actually said she might! And she seemed to mean it, it wasn't in her teasing voice, and she added that although it's not at all relevant to the doctor or his team, he could possibly open the door to a new hospital for her.

I haven't been able to find out much more yet, but now I'm wondering if Anna might actually like this guy. No doubt from her account and his note that he likes her. She definitely liked his attention - I know she'll be impressed that it's a doctor who's shown an interest in her as well, even if she pretends not - and on some level she enjoyed telling me about it. But she might also be wanting me to tear up his number and swear revenge - my lack of outrage might already be upsetting her. I tried to leave my response, a bit like Dr Letch's note, open to interpretation, but I'm going to have to figure out my next move pretty quickly. We'll probably have some time to talk more at the weekend.

What should I do? What should I think? Any ideas, suggestions or reflections would be appreciated.

Obviously I don't want to upset Anna, and certainly not to endanger our marriage. But omfg, I'm imagining the possibilities here.

 

[jeffmurdoc]

Maybe try and bring him into bedroom role-playing and or bring him up casually in a week or so asking if he has opened any doors for a. New hospital?

 

[MisterNobody]

Thanks Jeff - I'm planning for him to turn up in bedroom talk at the first opportunity (if it feels right, depends on my reading of where Anna's up to), but with life stuff right now we barely get to talk for more than 10 minutes. Not sure when we'll next get 'alone time' but not for probably a week or two, could be longer. Sometimes it's weeks.

I will ask as soon as we've got a minute whether there's been any progress with "getting into the new hospital", but that's where some of my panic is.

If I actually bring it up casually, Anna could think I'm not bothered that a guy has hit on her - this would mean she feels hurt and like I don't care.

If I bring it up with winks and nudges, that's probably also going to be taken wrong - again, Anna is prone to thinking people don't care or value her, which would be a huge turn-off. Like, that would be too light hearted, like it's not important.

If I bring it up all serious like it is important, she'll probably think I'm cross and unhappy with the situation, and that she should back off him.

If I just explain what's going on for me honestly (like I would probably tell anyone else in my position to do) - well, that could go in either direction, and has in the past. And one more failed attempt by me to suggest Anna looks at another guy is probably going to be the last. Hence my fear at messing this up. I really, really don't want this fantasy to be off the table permanently. Last time I brought it up things didn't go brilliantly, so this probably is my last chance.

 

[WifeAdmirer]

I am one who has tried in the past, got very very close but the guy is the one that chickened out after my wife said, I'm yours to do anything you want.

The longer you go, the more awkward bringing it up could be. I'd keep it as part of your daily, every couple of days questions. Since it was yesterday, ask her if she called and does it look like she's going to get in. The first step is her calling and making the visit, without that, bringing up anything deeper, from what you've said, probably won't go the way you'd hope.

First goal is does she engage
Second goal actually makes the visit
Third do they continue contact

Once you have all three of those, then start sprinkling in the sexual aspect to it.

 

[wormwood]

The gears in her head have been grinding over this for a long time. Her telling you about this doctor was obviously a test and you're right to be wary of your response. Unfortunately, we don't always respond correctly when initially presented with an opportunity like this.
Make sure you're in a situation where you can talk at length about this when you do bring it up. Just reinforce the positive. She stands to gain by "getting into the new hospital" so use that part of it to reinforce your point. She doesn't have to go to bed with the doctor to explore a new opportunity work wise. Tell her how you can sympathize with the doctor and don't blame him for being a "letch". She's a beautiful woman and you wouldn't be surprised if in the past her good looks has gotten her foot in the door of other business she's pursued. Tell her that yes, it obviously excites you to some extent, but she can take this at her own pace and she has your permission and encouragement. Who knows? If she allows him to pursue her, she, and you, might see a side benefit to this if she finds he's a nice guy and enjoys his company.

 

[MisterNobody]

Tl;dr:
How do I steer Anna's newly admitted crazy slutwife orgy fantasies towards my tamer, more intimate but more doable cuckold scenarios?

~~~~~~

Sorry for the long silence, and thanks for the advice guys - things immediately took a left turn after the doctor business, Anna had a significant bereavement so everything went into the background for a while.

But I'm back, and with some welcome but confusing (incremental) progress and more questions!

Okay, Dr Letch isn't currently in the picture - AFAIK Anna still has his number but hasn't done anything with it yet. However, despite our sex life being a bit sporadic with the pressures of family and work and then loss, Anna's suddenly started bringing up the fantasy of being fucked by other men. Herself. Without any prompting or even expectation from me.

Recently we were getting hot during foreplay with dirty talk, kissing and touching but with Anna's favourite letting me/not letting me thing going on. I told her I thought about her while masturbating recently, and she was very interested to know what I was thinking about *exactly*, and, well, I can't remember exactly what was said but she very clearly held the door wide open for me to have fantasised about watching her getting fucked.

I dived through that door with what I thought was her own most compatible fantasy, the mmf or mmmf scenario, and she ran with that - we had strangers' dicks in every hole, and I was watching... so amazing to talk about while fucking her.

It got better: Anna admitted another fantasy of hers which drove me wild, and which at least in that moment she said was her "best orgasm thought" (I'm still decoding exactly what she meant, obviously taking it literally is fine with me)... it's maybe a bit specific to spell out here, but suffice to say it involves restraints and lots of random strangers... mostly, but awesomely not completely, men. None of them are me. I'm not around, apparently!

Obviously I was in heaven that night, and it feels like it's really unexpected good progress - it came from Anna, and it made her come - but heres the thing. I love those crazy everything-goes Anna gets fucked by everyone fantasies, but they're my second favourite. My real favourite is about 1-1 romance or seduction - Anna getting chatted up in a pub and flirting back, or seeing her passionately kissing another (one) guy, seeing her get wasted and fucking some wedding guest or sucking a businessman's dick in his hotel room...

All just a little bit further on (the interesting little bit, sadly) than where we've been actually in real life, not too out of reach. But then Anna's version of this is (how has this happened?!) sort of too extreme! It's awesome, but it feels a) as if Anna's scenarios could never happen in real life, and b) they're weirdly far away from my preferred flavour of cuckolding.

But my tame version, involving mostly kissing and touching and 1-1 sex, feels worse to admit to Anna than the horny but unrealistic 10-1 scenarios! Wtf. They feel like really different fantasies, and mine could turn Anna right off again if I mess it up.

I think her fantasies about being used by lots of men are safer for her, because irl there's zero chance of anything like that remotely happening. Whereas my fantasies.... some of them only really need a weekend away and a bunch of wine to stop being fantasies.

I need a way to safely introduce the one on one scenario without making it weird again!

 

[MisterNobody]

The gears in her head have been grinding over this for a long time.

This helps a lot, as does the advice in the rest of your post, thanks. I really hope you're right, and if I can get back around to Dr Letch I'll definitely be adopting your approach.

Maybe somehow working back around to him is the answer to my own lengthy question!

 

[Hwcouple702]

This helps a lot, as does the advice in the rest of your post, thanks. I really hope you're right, and if I can get back around to Dr Letch I'll definitely be adopting your approach.

Maybe somehow working back around to him is the answer to my own lengthy question!

Do you watch porn? Watch it together? You can find out what's really on her mind by noting how she reacts to different porn situations. Probably not stupid, "commercial porn" but more amateur stuff would be better. Gross, absurd industry porn would probably be a turnoff.

 

[Wantsomefunto]

Definitely keep her moving forward, if she won’t reach out to the Dr. maybe ask her to set a profile up online to start engaging conversation with other men?

 

[Ray Dachamp]

Anna went to a work conference a couple of days ago - no overnight or anything. She seemed quite fired up when she came home, and said how it had been a really good day - she's passionate about her work so I didn't think much further about it... until she said "and a doctor gave me his number".

Instant bulge, instant panic. It's hard to read Anna sometimes, and the safest response (disapproval and possessiveness) risks messing up the whole possibility of anything happening.

So I said, cleverly, "um, what?". She always loves when men fancy her - it makes her feel sexy and desirable. Apparently after Anna had done her talk, this doctor (Anna's work overlaps with healthcare) "couldn't take his eyes off me" and "ignored everyone else and came straight over to me" when there was a break. Still so hard to read her - she's simultaneously beaming at what happened, but rolling her eyes at the letch at the same time.

I probed a little more, and apparently this guy was going on about Anna's work and how they need to meet up to discuss it - but according to Anna he's as aware as she is that there's really no relevance to his work. He gave her his number and (personal) email, along with a short note saying how her talk was amazing, and how much he'd like to find out more.

I asked, almost jokily, if she was going to call him - fully expecting her usual reply to such things, which would be "no, obviously not, he's out of order and I'm married", fitting in with her eye rolls and generally disappointing my libido - but she actually said she might! And she seemed to mean it, it wasn't in her teasing voice, and she added that although it's not at all relevant to the doctor or his team, he could possibly open the door to a new hospital for her.

I haven't been able to find out much more yet, but now I'm wondering if Anna might actually like this guy. No doubt from her account and his note that he likes her. She definitely liked his attention - I know she'll be impressed that it's a doctor who's shown an interest in her as well, even if she pretends not - and on some level she enjoyed telling me about it. But she might also be wanting me to tear up his number and swear revenge - my lack of outrage might already be upsetting her. I tried to leave my response, a bit like Dr Letch's note, open to interpretation, but I'm going to have to figure out my next move pretty quickly. We'll probably have some time to talk more at the weekend.

What should I do? What should I think? Any ideas, suggestions or reflections would be appreciated.

Obviously I don't want to upset Anna, and certainly not to endanger our marriage. But omfg, I'm imagining the possibilities her

Anna is apparently, slowly approaching cuckolding you. Its pretty obvious she's gonna begin by fucking this guy & come a mess from it.
Then she'll roll het eyes as she tells you to lick her clean as she teases you with details of her first fuck date.
Pooof! You're a cuckold. Enjoy it...

 

[Cuntfister]

Anna went to a work conference a couple of days ago - no overnight or anything. She seemed quite fired up when she came home, and said how it had been a really good day - she's passionate about her work so I didn't think much further about it... until she said "and a doctor gave me his number".

Instant bulge, instant panic. It's hard to read Anna sometimes, and the safest response (disapproval and possessiveness) risks messing up the whole possibility of anything happening.

So I said, cleverly, "um, what?". She always loves when men fancy her - it makes her feel sexy and desirable. Apparently after Anna had done her talk, this doctor (Anna's work overlaps with healthcare) "couldn't take his eyes off me" and "ignored everyone else and came straight over to me" when there was a break. Still so hard to read her - she's simultaneously beaming at what happened, but rolling her eyes at the letch at the same time.

I probed a little more, and apparently this guy was going on about Anna's work and how they need to meet up to discuss it - but according to Anna he's as aware as she is that there's really no relevance to his work. He gave her his number and (personal) email, along with a short note saying how her talk was amazing, and how much he'd like to find out more.

I asked, almost jokily, if she was going to call him - fully expecting her usual reply to such things, which would be "no, obviously not, he's out of order and I'm married", fitting in with her eye rolls and generally disappointing my libido - but she actually said she might! And she seemed to mean it, it wasn't in her teasing voice, and she added that although it's not at all relevant to the doctor or his team, he could possibly open the door to a new hospital for her.

I haven't been able to find out much more yet, but now I'm wondering if Anna might actually like this guy. No doubt from her account and his note that he likes her. She definitely liked his attention - I know she'll be impressed that it's a doctor who's shown an interest in her as well, even if she pretends not - and on some level she enjoyed telling me about it. But she might also be wanting me to tear up his number and swear revenge - my lack of outrage might already be upsetting her. I tried to leave my response, a bit like Dr Letch's note, open to interpretation, but I'm going to have to figure out my next move pretty quickly. We'll probably have some time to talk more at the weekend.

What should I do? What should I think? Any ideas, suggestions or reflections would be appreciated.

Obviously I don't want to upset Anna, and certainly not to endanger our marriage. But omfg, I'm imagining the possibilities here.

Show me and tell me everything Give her to me completely She sounds Sexy as fuck

 

[wormwood]

A bit more.
You've got to let her know that you are of course, jealous of any man that pays attention to her but that it's part of the kink as well. My wife understands that I get jealous as well as I describe all the emotions that would run through my mind if she were to date others. I emphasize that I would hate to lose her, but the excitement outweighs all those concerns.

 

[imherManwantHER]

Thanks Jeff - I'm planning for him to turn up in bedroom talk at the first opportunity (if it feels right, depends on my reading of where Anna's up to), but with life stuff right now we barely get to talk for more than 10 minutes. Not sure when we'll next get 'alone time' but not for probably a week or two, could be longer. Sometimes it's weeks.

I will ask as soon as we've got a minute whether there's been any progress with "getting into the new hospital", but that's where some of my panic is.

If I actually bring it up casually, Anna could think I'm not bothered that a guy has hit on her - this would mean she feels hurt and like I don't care.

If I bring it up with winks and nudges, that's probably also going to be taken wrong - again, Anna is prone to thinking people don't care or value her, which would be a huge turn-off. Like, that would be too light hearted, like it's not important.

If I bring it up all serious like it is important, she'll probably think I'm cross and unhappy with the situation, and that she should back off him.

If I just explain what's going on for me honestly (like I would probably tell anyone else in my position to do) - well, that could go in either direction, and has in the past. And one more failed attempt by me to suggest Anna looks at another guy is probably going to be the last. Hence my fear at messing this up. I really, really don't want this fantasy to be off the table permanently. Last time I brought it up things didn't go brilliantly, so this probably is my last chance.

I’d wait and see a bit. You know her better than she probably knows herself so your instincts are the only right way to gauge what the move is and when. My humble 2 cents from a likeminded husband to an amazingly similar sounding, beautiful wife for over 30 years.

 

[MisterNobody]

Do you watch porn? Watch it together? You can find out what's really on her mind by noting how she reacts to different porn situations. Probably not stupid, "commercial porn" but more amateur stuff would be better. Gross, absurd industry porn would probably be a turnoff.

It's a good suggestion Hwc, we're a bit funny about porn though. It's a tricky one. Most of my porn is amateur/voyeur, and is of women who remind me of Anna in scenarios I'd like to see her in - but I *know* she'd hate my Anna-a-likes. I like her curves, she hates them. It would derail things I think.

But then you're making me think. I need to create a separate folder of stuff Anna might not hate. And somehow to figure out what, if anything, she watches.

It's a topic we covered early in our relationship, and I think we need to revisit.

 

[MisterNobody]

Definitely keep her moving forward, if she won’t reach out to the Dr. maybe ask her to set a profile up online to start engaging conversation with other men?

I would love to do that, but we're some way away still. Anna's blindsided me by turning out to get off on slut fantasies, but hasn't given any hints about real life play - that still feels unattainable.

Even making a profile for fantasy use is a step too far right now I think - definitely something I'd like to work towards though.

 

[MisterNobody]

Anna is apparently, slowly approaching cuckolding you. Its pretty obvious she's gonna begin by fucking this guy & come a mess from it.
Then she'll roll het eyes as she tells you to lick her clean as she teases you with details of her first fuck date.
Pooof! You're a cuckold. Enjoy it...

I hope you're right Ray! I think there's a definite possibility, if I get this right.

I appreciate your take on it. Maybe she does have 1-1 fantasies as well? I didn't think she had any in this area before a couple of weeks ago, but apparently she has!

And actually, right now Anna doesn't really know about my 1-1 fantasies, not properly. I've only really felt able to go to the ones Anna seems more okay with.

When I find a way to tell her, maybe she'll admit a bit more...

 

[MisterNobody]

Show me and tell me everything Give her to me completely She sounds Sexy as fuck

She totally is. I'd love to show her, but that's too risky from where we are right now.

She's mid-40s, curvy, classy, and *very* pretty. Her appearance, especially her face, is often compared to Catherine Zeta Jones or Victoria Beckham - but she looks like a real woman instead of skinny and plastic.

She tends to attract younger men who think she's way younger than she is. And she tends to be attracted to slightly rough and ready, salt of the earth types, or academic, intelligent men.

Where are you from, cf?

 

[MisterNobody]

A bit more.
You've got to let her know that you are of course, jealous of any man that pays attention to her but that it's part of the kink as well. My wife understands that I get jealous as well as I describe all the emotions that would run through my mind if she were to date others. I emphasize that I would hate to lose her, but the excitement outweighs all those concerns.

This is very helpful, wormwood. I think you're right that I need to emphasise the jealousy *more* not less. Probably the biggest barrier, and danger, is that Anna may think this is all because I don't really care or value her.

Obviously the opposite is true, but it must be really confusing for wives.

In most ways this fantasy wouldn't work without the jealousy! And now I'm writing this, I suspect this could be another way in - Anna loves it if I'm a bit jealous, and she loves being in a powerful position (I was going to say 'loves being in control' but that's not always true).

Getting her to tease me and make me jealous could be a way to bring her further on board?

 

[Ray Dachamp]

You need to approach it very slowly & carefully. Just the right comments here or there. Get her thinking about it & she'll do the rest. Like when u both see a guy that's her type, say something like, "look at that handsome guy or, isn't that guy well put together? Just to get her thinking with the inference that you think its ok without you saying it directly, yet.